Posts in category: MANAGE MOOD

BAD MOODS DON’T HAVE TO SPELL DOOM FOR YOUR LIFE…

We had it all. It was a winter that just wouldn’t quit. Snow drifts and slick ice. Dark nights and darker days. And I couldn’t find within that kindly fire of Spirit to lift me up and warm my hands.  Midwest Winter Blues? Feeling thrown out like an empty grocery bag, all alone and worthless, drifting along the highway of life while everyone speeds by. That was about it, for my communication trip. Zero. Mood not good.

Then came the ducks. Oh, those ducks that I so love. Mom, it was almost two years ago that together we filed your forwarding address to God. I didn’t want to, but I respected your wishes to go on and live again. And the Angels came.

Today I drove over to Jamestown, out into the country – God’s country. Blue skies streaked with white clouds painted by the great artist Himself….I felt at ease. Finally. Finally, I felt at ease. Finally, instead of waking up early in a cold sweat. Instead of feeling ill at ease and quivering inside my own skin, smiling while waiting for approval. Finally, hearing the sounds of silence as I thought of my college roommate, who had recently died. Finally understanding that I produce my own anxieties much of the time. Finally – I’ve stared the enemy down…and the enemy is ME.

I remember that night of your passing over, Mom. Never will I forget it. Strong, blustery winds. Kind people who wheeled you out of your earthly room on a steel cart. My taking time with you. Telling myself not to feel guilty for taking time with your earthly body that no longer held life of any kind. I stayed right there beside you. I worried that I stayed too long…but I stayed just long enough with you to love you just a little bit longer. God approved of us, we two.

Time went by. I cried my tears and let my heart flood. Then I called my brother to tell him that our time together was finally up. Al’s voice was so soothing to me. I knew he stood strong beside me. You always wanted us both to stay close, Mom, and so we shall. Al’s attitude, too, was to celebrate you. Dad was waiting for you, there in Heaven. Without him, none of this would have been possible. Dad and I sat like stones on ice-logged lakes, catching fish that you would cook up with pepper, and then you added French fries to make the family dinner taste so-o good.

My life has been a bit of a stress mess lately…THANKS to me. (I won’t pack my guilt bags, quite yet.) Heeding your coaching on your life-bed, I have chosen to take the road less traveled; a road that will bring healing, adventure, wealth, and health to anyone who ventures to go there. Today, too, was the first day of spring, 2009. I’m a little older now, a little more settled in my own skin, not needing the love and approval of others to make me strong.

Mom, sometimes I am brokenhearted and fractured into a million separate pieces. I was just ready to give up and stop daring to care, when you sent the duck brigade. You told me that fowl, such as ducks, just let the bad moods roll off their backs like damp and dreary, foul weather. You are a DECENT soul, Mom, who condemned no one, especially nice guys like me (good people) who sometimes feel bad, blue, burdened, beaten, or bewildered.

And so today, as a reminder, you sent me the duck brigade. Not just one pair of ducks, but two pair of – no, three – no, wait – four sets of ducks….All told, with all their quacking, 13 pair of ducks to let me know what I was to do. What a lucky number. Thirteen.

Wish I could be with you there right now, Mom. Who knows – just suppose I am on a long-distance phone call with you? I love you, Mom. Give my love to Dad, who protected us all with his life, all his life long…just like the lighthouses during stormy times, blazing their bright lights, guiding us all home.

Right now, I am hearing the calls of all those ducks, seeking to settle into the safe night. The killdeer, too, are talking to me about you and higher powers.

Ducks galore. Don’t worry! Blessings abound!

I will continue to Dare To Care. When life throws you hurts, continue to swerve, on the two-way communication highway.

ABOUT THE TALK2ME© SYSTEM

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the founder of New Insights Communication, a coaching and relationship counseling practice located in Dayton, Ohio. Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the author of three works, the most recent being Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone, which is a communication training book. Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a corporate trainer, keynote speaker and motivational speaker. His executive coaching and business consulting programs are targeted at the areas of leadership development, communication, change management and conflict resolution.

I had the honor and pleasure of speaking to 250 members of the Dayton Miami Valley Safety Council on the topic of Road Rage. An outline of the training content…

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF ROAD RAGE
Dennis E. O’Grady, PsyD, Clinical Psychologist

1. HEALTHY VS. UNHEALTHY ANGER

Is anger an emotion or behavior, or both?

2. THE ANGER SPECTRUM

Irritation…aggravation…frustration…ANGER…rage.

3. HOW DO YOU DEFINE RAGE?
rage n

1.  sudden and extreme anger, or an outburst of strong anger
2.  something that is the object of a short-lived fascination
3.  extreme or unrelenting intensity
4.  a strong and sometimes overpowering desire or enthusiasm
5.  to speak or do something with sudden, extreme anger, or feel such strong anger
2.  to occur, continue, move, or spread with great force and violence
Encarta® World English Dictionary © 1999

4. PSYCHOLOGY OF CHANGE DEFINITION—REACTING IN A KNEE-JERK FASHION WITHOUT EMPATHY

“Road rage” is a slick and tricky mental magic act and a racy misnomer. It’s more accurate to call it “human rage,” since it’s unhealthy anger directed at human beings, not roads made of concrete or asphalt.

Anger management coaching typically produces positive changes within 2-3 sessions.

5. WHAT IS THE PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE OF THE AGGRESSIVE DRIVER WHO IS DRIVEN TO GET AHEAD AT ANY COST?

•    Massive personal insecurity…winning is everything
•    Feeling like a failure…can’t tolerate getting behind in the race of life
•    Prideful ego: “Are you going to let them get away with that?”
•    Self-defeating belief that venting anger is always good
•    Difficulty relaxing
•    Doesn’t enjoy the ride enough…focuses on final outcome/destination
•    Fear of emotions: Prefers putting mind over emotional matters
•    Fault-shifting: Plays the “It’s not my fault!” blame and shame show
•    Drags along old suitcases filled with rusty resentments
•    “Reactive anger” is triggered by sad feelings, disappointment, and loss
•    Prone to fear disapproval: “You’re not good enough unless you’re accomplishing the perfect!”
•    When hot under the collar, thinks the golden rule is for chumps
•    Fails to remember: “Trying too hard to get even will distract you and quickly put you behind!”

6. WHO’S IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT OF YOUR LIFE?

Your communicator type of Empathizer or Instigator communicator often predicts how well you will drive in the TALK2ME© positive and effective communication system. To find out your type and receive a free report, check out… http://www.drogrady.com/type.php

7. WHAT CAN YOU DO?

•    Manage your mood
•    Be in the driver’s seat of your life
•    Learn how Empathizer drivers drive differently from Instigator drivers
•    Use positive self-talk to keep you “on purpose”
•    Imagine a loved one in the seat of the other metal can
•    Distract yourself with comedy stations or a self-growth CD
•    Patience is a virtue, while impatience is a vulture
•    Remember: anger is simply an emotion, NOT a stupid knee-jerk reaction

TALK TIPS TO USE FOR COMMUNICATING SAFETY…

1.

2.

3.

For a good overview of Road Rage go to this Wikipedia link.

About the Speaker

Dennis O’Grady delivers TALK2ME© effective communication workshops that provide a Communication Toolbox full of positive communication tools, to executive, managerial, and supervisory groups, to set people up for success. He also uses the TALK2ME system with his private, relationship communications-training clients. Dr. O’Grady is known as the “Talk Doc” since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, TALK2ME. He is past president of the Dayton Psychological Association, founder of New Insights Communication, and is a clinical professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. His talk textbook, TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal. Please feel free to contact New Insights Communication at 937.428-0724 to set up a time to speak with Dr. O’Grady. Your questions and inquiries are welcomed.

Do you make really bad choices when you feel really bad? Are you able to think clearly when you’re emotionally upset? Relationship highs and lows are part of the talk scene in real life love adventures. In fact, love struck people can become emotionally obsessed with the life choices of their beloved. Tension or emotional flooding results and rationality loses out to raw emotion.

WHEN A RELATIONSHIP ISN’T WORKING FOR YOU

Are you emotionally capable or incapable? Being in love isn’t enough. Can you stand the anxiousness of being in the heat of Love’s Kitchen, or are you looking for drama and adventure? How to tell if cool logic is losing to hot emotion:

1. I make drastic and destructive choices.

2. I make bad choices when I’m depressed, boxed in, tired of dealing with reality issues, stuck in my house too much.

3. I make really bad choices when I’m feeling a mixture of jealousy and vulnerability.

4. When I make these bad choices, I feel good…and relieved.

5. Short term good feelings result in drawn-out, disastrous, damaging consequences.

6. Obsession. “I become obsessed with getting her or his attention and helping out, at any cost.”

7. Feeling Failure. “I make bad choices and make the emotional mess even worse.”

Change is your middle name. You can change the spots on a leopard if you strive to.

CHANGE KEY: RUBBER ROLLIN’ DOWN THE ROAD

You can make really good choices, even when you’re feeling really bad! (Now, it does take some work and practice to do this.) What can you do differently? Talk To Me© teaches you how to first have a good relationship with your Self, and second, how to have a good relationship with Others. Are you setting yourself up for relationship success or relationship failure?

ARE YOU THE PERSON YOU SEEK?

Anyone who is dragging around old baggage and making bad decisions, to avoid accepting new emotional realities, is not a relationship partner who is emotionally available. Make certain that person is not you! Although it’s harder to deal with yourself emotionally, it’s so much more rewarding to think clearly when you’re emotionally distraught. Be the leader of your own life, and light the way with rationality during dark emotional times.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. O’Grady provides relationship communication education and coaching using the positive and effective Talk To Me© couples communication system. He has 30+ years experience in helping couples change ineffectual communication patterns.

What does a bad mood doom? (Mood spelled backwards spells doom.) What are the hidden costs of a bad mood? 10% of workers in our workforce have “A Bad Mood Day…” and get this slick and tricky thinking…they have a bad mood almost every day. In fact, a bad mood negative attitude escalates problems while reducing profits in dozens of drastic ways.

COMMUNICATION STINKS AND SINKS DREAMS—WHILE YOU’RE WALKING ON EGGSHELLS

Bad moods are contagious and costly. According to TALK2ME© training groups who are lighting the way ahead, bad moods depress productivity, alienate customers, and compromise safety, and, as a result…

•    Profits go down
•    Trust and respect are lost
•    Communication stinks and sinks dreams
•    Morale gets busted and teamwork plummets
•    Your company winds up in a ditch needing a tow truck
•    Attitudes crash to the ground
•    Enthusiasm is lost
•    Professional image is smudged with the red paint of anger
•    Others’ moods come crashing down to the ground
•    Opportunities fly right out the window
•    Customers won’t come back
•    Safety is compromised
•    Productivity is depressed
•    Customer satisfaction scores flunk you
•    Reputation is compromised
•    Personal values are sold for quick gold
•    Decision-making is shredded
•    You are driving under the influence of a negative attitude
•    You are “Off your toes” or “Your game falls off”
•    Relationships end
•    Focus on the target is missing
•    Quality is pricked
•    Opportunity avoids you
•    Others are alienated

We make others pay for a debt that they don’t owe…and then we pay the price—sometimes the ultimate price.

WE’RE ALL IN A PEOPLE BUSINESS

We’re all in a people business. It’s all about people, and people thrive on first-class communication.

First-class communicators work on being in the best possible mood, no matter that the events of the day cannot be controlled. Furthermore, these communicators don’t internalize but verbalize their positive attitude by being level-headed, able to laugh off stress, keep from getting all jacked up, easier to talk to, easier to approach, sure to utilize their keen ability to listen, patient, able to take a deep breath and step back, able to think before speaking and not interrupting a talk partner.

IF THE BOSS DOESN’T CONFRONT A BAD MOOD, THEN WHO SHOULD?

If the boss doesn’t confront a worker who has a bad attitude, day in and day out, then who should? Worse yet, if the boss has a “bad mood day” every day, then what message does that send to your internal and external customers? Essentially, it says: “I’m not interested in profiting in my partnership with you. Go away, and stay away, while I complain about my bad luck!”

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, Psy.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Communication Expert and Developer of the TALK2ME Communication Roadmap. You, too, can profit from better communication!  Talk with Dennis at 937-428-0724.

Mood spelled backwards spells doom…and for good reason. If you’re a Power Talker, your mood will infect the minds of others with severe consequences. Are you moody, as in, “Well, yeah I guess I get a little upset.” Do you blow up or have meltdowns on a weekly basis and then blame it on something or someone other than yourself? Don’t know for certain? Just ask a family member or colleague at work, if they’re not too scared to tell you the truth. And then listen up!

THE WHOLE FAMILY TEAM IS AFFECTED

You must own up to your positive power. You are a Mood-Maker Inventor. Yelling or barking out orders strips your relationship bank account of trust and goodwill. How Steve, a communication client, put it…

Until using TALK2Me, I didn’t realize your mood sticks to others. I think that’s a bad thing. If I’m in a bad mood, then that’s going to put people who reflect my moods in a bad mood, then that’s going to create a bad environment all around us.

You create the good mood vs. bad mood climate around you. Believe it! To be productive, you have to be in a good mood. For others to cooperate with you, they have to see you in a good mood. Laughter goes a long ways to reducing stress.

ARE YOU HAVING A BAD DAY?

Another client, Mitch, came to communication coaching with me to learn how to mend family bridges of communication which had been burned by his moody outbursts.

I’ve never really focused on my bad moods…how much I affect others’ emotions and moods with my mood. Until we’ve talked, Dennis, I never really thought how I’ve affected people in that way. If somebody likes me fine, if they don’t like me who cares? My kids seldom talk to me, and my wife says she has quit trying to talk, too. Until we came here, I didn’t know my family was that afraid of me and my anger outbursts. We’re definitely moving in the right direction, but I still feel too much anger inside, too much of the time.

YOU MUST OWN UP TO YOUR POSITIVE POWER

You can be a happy-go-lucky person at work and a moody mess at home. That’s called a split personality! Negative Instigator communicators who are MOODY at work or home come across like this…

•    Irritable
•    Lead by anger and fear
•    Boastful, pushy, cocky, over-confident
•    Condescending
•    “My way or the highway….”
•    Intolerant, poor listeners
•    Doesn’t take criticism well
•    Head strong, no personal connection
•    Lacks respect for others’ ideas
•    Not a team player

YOU MAKE YOUR MOOD

We have more control over our moods than we previously thought possible. You can cater to a bad mood and feed it all sorts of junk, or you can strive to soothe yourself when you’re feeling bad. Here’s what a positive mood consists of, in the Empathizer world…

•    Understanding
•    Lead by positive “we can do” attitude; inspiring
•    Compassionate and passionate
•    Good listener; affable
•    Effectively communicate your ideas back to you
•    Approach-able; caring
•    Respectful and trustworthy
•    Easy to deal with
•    Maintains self-control under pressure
•    Open to constructive criticism
•    Team player

You create the climate. Are you creating a happy environment, one filled to the brim with productivity and goal achievement, and one which is useful for all who sit around your Communicator Table? One that’s a stress-free comfort zone where you don’t mind being? I know so….

MAKE MY MOOD

Some tips to work with your mood so it doesn’t work against others and yourself:

1. Notice your mood. Keep a journal.  Watch how people are watching you, or if they walk on eggshells around you.

2. Count the costs of your bad mood so you’ll be motivated to change. Your bad mood will reduce productivity by at least 40% and it will restrict relationship development.

3. Write a Mood-Maker Visionary statement. Write down what kind of positive climate you wish to create at home or on your work team…same thing.

4. Find a personal communications coach who will talk straight to you, and make sure to relay your family members’ observations while you’re there.

5. Admit how much your mood impacts the moods of others. People around you believe that you are a Highly Influential Communicator. You feel that your fear and anger aren’t very good leadership partners.

How much do you affect others’ moods? To be productive, you must be in a good mood. A good mood is necessary for goal achievement, personal and company growth, teambuilding, and relationship development. If all that’s true, are you willing to pay the steep price of a bad mood day?

ARE YOU DRIVING WITH A MOOD BLIND SPOT?

Respectful, accurate feedback corrects the “blind spot” that occurs while driving under the influence of a bad mood. In fact, a bad mood is akin to having a huge blind spot in your rear view mirror as you drive down I-75 in rush hour traffic – you look ahead, behind you and where you plan to go, then proceed to change lanes quickly, only to discover that a metal beast is right there where you intended to go! Off you slide into an expensive ditch with other drivers and your fellow passengers probably thinking you’re a bad driver, but they’re too afraid to tell you because they’re apprehensive of road rage…or a bad mood explosion.

DISCOVER YOUR INNER STRENGTH!

THE TALK2ME© COMMUNICATION SYSTEM—DAYTON, OH. The result of effective communication? Proven Profitability! “Talk Doc” Dennis O’Grady customizes business programs for customer-centered communication. Past programs designed and developed for major corporate clients have resulted in supervisors, managers and executives elevating their communication strengths. Learning how to push leadership down the ranks through positive and effective communication awareness and education is the way that leaders lead by example. Let Dr. O’Grady empower your leaders with his innovative roadmap of communicator types (which one are you?) to build a climate of trust and respect in your organization. Give your employees every chance to succeed–their success becomes the future for your company.