Posts in category: MANAGE MOOD

TEAM UNITY: EITHER WE ALL WORK TOGETHER, OR NOTHING WORKS AT ALL

Once a man had a dream in which his hands and feet and mouth and brain all began to rebel against his stomach.

“You good-for-nothing sluggard!” the hands said. “We work all day long, sawing and hammering and lifting and carrying. By evening we’re covered with blisters and scratches, and our joints ache, and we’re covered with dirt. And meanwhile you just sit there, hogging all the food.”

“We agree!” cried the feet. “Think how sore we get, walking back and forth all day long. And you just stuff yourself full, you greedy pig, so that you’re that much heavier to carry about.”

“That’s right!” whined the mouth. “Where do you think all that food you love comes from? I’m the one who has to chew it all up, and as soon as I’m finished you suck it all down for yourself. Do you call that fair?”

“And what about me?” called the brain. “Do you think it’s easy being up here, having to think about where your next meal is going to come from? And yet I get nothing at all for my pains.”

And one by one the parts of the body joined the complaint against the stomach, which didn’t say anything at all.

“I have an idea,” the brain finally announced. “Let’s all rebel against this lazy belly, and stop working for it.”

“Superb idea!” all the other members and organs agreed. “We’ll teach you how important we are, you pig. Then maybe you’ll do a little work of your own.”

So they all stopped working. The hands refused to do any lifting or carrying. The feet refused to walk. The mouth promised not to chew or swallow a single bite. And the brain swore it wouldn’t come up with any more bright ideas. At first the stomach growled a bit, as it always did when it was hungry. But, after a while, it was quiet.

Then, to the dreaming man’s surprise, he found he could not walk. He could not grasp anything in his hands. He could not even open his mouth. And he suddenly began to feel rather ill.

The dream seemed to go on for several days. As each day passed, the man felt worse and worse. “This rebellion had better not last much longer,” he thought to himself, “or I’ll starve.”

Meanwhile, the hands and feet and mouth and brain just lay there, getting weaker and weaker. At first they roused themselves just enough to taunt the stomach every once in a while, but before long, they didn’t even have the energy for that.

Finally the man heard a faint voice coming from the direction of his feet.

“It could be that we were wrong,” they were saying. “We suppose the stomach might have been working in his own way all along.”

“I was just thinking the same thing,” murmured the brain. “It’s true he’s been getting all the food. But it seems he’s been sending most of us right back to us.”

“We might as well admit our error,” the mouth said. “The stomach has just as much work to do as the hands and feet and brain and teeth.”

“Then let’s all get back to work,” they cried together. And at that, the man woke up.

To his relief, he discovered his feet could walk again. His hands could grasp, his mouth could chew, and his brain could now think clearly. He began to feel much better.

“Well, there’s a lesson for me,” he thought as he filled his stomach at breakfast. “Either we all work together, or nothing works at all.”

ONE TEAM

Are you one team? Do you apply customer-centered communication tools? Dennis O’Grady is a Communication Expert and the Developer of The TALK2ME Communication System. Dennis is a professional speaker and communication educator, who can be reached at (937) 428-0724.

What does a bad mood doom? (Mood spelled backwards is doom.) What are the hidden costs of a bad mood? And why should you even care about moodiness? This is why: 10% of workers in our workforce have a bad mood day, almost every day. Just as the aftereffects of a hurricane can continue to cause increasing obstacles after the winds have subsided and the waters have receded, a bad mood escalates problems while reducing profits in dozens of drastic ways which can result even after the bad mood has abated.

A BAD MOOD BRINGS CRASHING TO THE GROUND…

One Talk Group Exercise I use in Talk2Me© leadership development classes is called “I’m Having a Bad Day!” which gets at the severe loss of productivity – a reality of 40% loss of productivity – for everyone. (One bad apple or rotten orange does spoil the whole basket, as you know.)

Lucky Class #13 communicators, who are lighting the way ahead, brainstormed these costs of a bummer mood…

• Profits go down
• Trust and respect are lost
• Communication stinks and sinks the ship of your dreams
• Morale gets busted and teamwork plummets
• Your company winds up needing a tow truck to get out of a ditch
• Attitude crashes to the ground
• Enthusiasm is lost
• Professional image is smudged with the red paint of anger
• Others’ moods come crashing down to the ground
• Opportunities fly right out the window
• Customers don’t come back
• Safety is compromised
• Productivity is depressed
• Customer satisfaction scores flunk you
• Reputation is compromised
• Personal values are sold for quick gold
• Decision-making ability is shredded
• You are driving under the influence of a negative attitude
• “Off your toes” or “Your game falls off”
• Relationships end
• No focus on the target means missed goals
• Quality is pricked
• Opportunity avoids you
• Compassionate people are alienated

DO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO TELL ANOTHER PERSON THAT THEIR BAD MOOD IS BAD?

Mood dictates reputation. People often don’t have the courage to tell you that you’re a Bad News Bear. Who wants to have a bad mood dumped on them like a truckload of manure or rotten tomatoes? Do you like to get positive results? Then get control of your mood, man! Are you getting the results you want in your relationship life? Or is your reputation that of a Bad News Bear, wearing a prickly, cold, and wet wool coat and an anchor of guilt around your neck, who always drowns positive people around you, in an Olympic-size pool of your pity?

IF THE BOSS DOESN’T CONFRONT A BAD MOOD, THEN WHO SHOULD?

If the boss doesn’t confront a worker who has a bad attitude, day in and day out, then who should? Worse yet, if the boss has a bad mood day every day, then what message does that send to your internal and external customers? Essentially it says: “I’m not interested in profiting from my partnership with you. Go away and stay away, while I complain about my bad luck and why I know you’re all-ways the one at fault for my lack of happiness!”

ARE YOU IN THE HORSE AND BUGGY ERA OF CUSTOMER AND LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION?

Are you in the horse and buggy era of communication, with an oil lamp on front of your buggy to light the way? Or are you in the automotive era with your high performance headlamps burning bright? The Talk2Me© system lights the way ahead, turning on the floodlights as the dark of night approaches.

Morale of this Talk Story: Good communication not only eclipses a bad mood, it also lights the way to profits, while bad communication puts a bad mood in the limelight and darkens your day with losses.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, Psy.D.

Dennis delivers TALK2ME © Effective Communication executive, management and supervisory workshops which provide a Communication Toolbox full of positive communication tools to set people up for success. TALK2ME: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal.  New Insights Communication: (937) 428-0724.

Comic relief came from a communications client of mine who said, “I know I’m here…because I’m not all there!” That was as funny as sales trainees suggesting I buy a couch on wheels! As a communications psychologist, I often get a good ribbing. Rejuvenating yourself has to do with facing feelings courageously as you move ahead. Are you inventing the kind of energy you want to bathe your mind in when change comes calling? Or do you live in a mythical past or a magical future?

ARE YOU ALL HERE?

You can only change yourself. You can’t fix others. Put as much energy into your changes as you put into others who aren’t changing. See if you can catch my drift as a user of the Talk2Me system with this repartee between Person A and Person B:

A. HOW ARE YOU?

B. I’M HERE…

A. BETTER THAN BEING THERE, I GUESS…

B. OF COURSE, PEOPLE WHO ARE HERE, REALLY WANT TO BE THERE…

A. AND PEOPLE WHO ARE THERE, WANT TO BE HERE…

B. I KNOW I’M HERE…BECAUSE I’M NOT ALL THERE!

A. I KNOW I’M NOT ALL THERE, TOO, BECAUSE I’M HERE WITH YOU!

ARE YOU A STELLAR COMMUNICATOR?

Why feel alone and disconnected, seeking to find your work in your work? Do not be distracted from being a great communicator when you don’t feel good.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.

ARE YOU A SLACKARD?

For all you Type-A personalities, I have an Underachievers Club you can join for free. Just raise your hand halfway and repeat after me, my dear Overachievers:

THE UNDERACHIEVER’S CREED

I’ll do the worst I can….

I will get paid more for doing less….

I won’t think about work, once I leave the doors of the building.…

I won’t take any work home….

I won’t read e-mail from home….

I will work my eight hours and go home….

I will take extended lunches….

I’ll blame something for why I can’t do what I’ve promised to do….

I won’t complete my action items….

I will get others to do my work when I can….

I will never volunteer and I will be grumpy….

I will leave all stones unturned….

I will dial down my work ethic….

I’ll call in sick when I’m not….

I will take very long breaks….

I’ll do the worst I can….

THE UNDERACHIEVERS’ CLUB

So do you want to be a member of The Underachievers Club? If you’re an Empathizer-type communicator, pass this along to a friend who’s doing the work others slide out of. If you’re an Instigator-type communicator, pass this along to make a co-worker paranoid. You, too, can fail to pay your dues and not show up when people are counting on you.

So, promise, to do the worst you can today instead of your best.

BUSHED? When you are totally exhausted, you often say you are bushed. This word originated with Dutch settlers, who termed the forests and woods they had to clear bos, which was modified by the English to bush. Clearing away dense forests and thickets was hard work, and after a hard day’s work of carving out trails and cutting trees for log homes, the settlers would declare with a sigh, “I’m bushed….” Today, bushed is used to express exhaustion from any physical activity.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.

MENTAL CRAP IS TOXIC TO YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

Mental crap, swirling around in your skull, is toxic to your mental health. It doesn’t have to be that way. You can flush the mental crap right down the drain. Now, I realize that Empathizer-type (E-type) communicators sometimes struggle with the blues, and their Instigator-type (I-type) life partners often act like court jesters, trying to “fix” their sensitive partners or at least get them to laugh off their blues…which actually depresses E-types all the more. But you can change how you talk to yourself and then climb out of the hole in which you find yourself, my dear E-types.

WHAT YOU THINK IS WHAT YOU GET

Your character is tested when the crap hits the fan. Are you going to do all those little caring things that give you comfort, or are you going to refuse to flush the toilet, making matters worse? Here’s how one female E-type, Terra, felt “emotionally flooded”:

I started making myself miserable again about things I can’t control. I focused on unpaid bills, pet problems, family members who are ill, a toxic neighbor, a Doberman that chases me when I’m jogging, and my husband who seems comfortable in the middle of an emotional tornado. My husband becomes more energized with stress; I become more drained. Then I blame myself for not feeling better and for bringing everyone around me down, too.

WHO’S YOUR MOOD MANAGER?

So, how do you fix your mental crap list? First, you must determine what crap is swirling ’round and ’round in your mind. Terra’s mental crap is composed of several things:

• I’m making more excuses than fixing my sights on solutions.
• I can’t change or rise above a negative mentality.
• Since I’m a visual person, I create pictures of bad things happening to good people, like me.
• I feel like I’m getting bitter and withdrawn.
• Why can’t I have fun and pretend I’m on an episode of Hee Haw?
• Little things tick me off, like my cat sleeping on my stuff.
• Am I the only one bothered that the garage is full of old junk?
• My husband wants to help me, but I don’t know what to tell him to do.
• I feel like I should be contributing more to the social good.
• Why am I not taking better care of myself?
• I make it harder on myself than it needs to be.
• When I’m in a bad mood, I disconnect from people who love me.
• I’m frustrated that I keep falling into a hole…then I throw myself a pity party.

Now what? What’s stopping you from taking care of yourself? The solution is to show yourself a little caring and tenderness. Don’t blame those I-types who try to sound upbeat, but merely rub salt in the wound. Your I-type life partner is having an I-type panic attack when you’re in emotional pain.

FEELING GOOD AGAIN…THE NO CRAP ATTITUDE

How can you show compassion to yourself? By adopting the strengths of your opposite communicator type, which, in this case, is picking up and using Instigator strengths:

1. NO NONSENSE ATTITUDE. Adopt the attitude that you can climb out of the hole.

2. USE ASSERTIVE SELF-TALK. Example: “I didn’t fall into this hole, and there are straight-forward ways, proven effective, to get out of it.”

3. HAVE A LITTLE FUN WHEN YOU’RE MISERABLE. All you’ve got to lose is a negative attitude. Things don’t keep coming at you — you keep stress coming at you. Breathe!

4. GO OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Be more social and engage people who value you.

5. BE SARCASTIC. Example: “Anxiety isn’t going to kill me, so let’s get over it and go for a walk on the street or beach!”

6. YOU’RE A CHANGE MAKER. When you feel you have nothing more to lose, you are capable of the miracle of change.

7. STICK TO STRUCTURE. You can feel better by putting energy into you. Get more sleep, eat reasonably, don’t stay up late, stick to structure.

8. WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS…BLAME THE NEXT PERSON YOU SEE. Hey, that’s what happens in real life! Just joking, of course….If you still feel like you’re swimming in an Olympic-size pool of pity, blame it on your life partner, or play the Blame Game with the person in the next cubicle at work.

9. SPEAK UP. Say to your life partner, for example: “Your chipper mood is depressing me. You need to stop feeling so anxious when I get the blues!”

You can change more easily than you might think!

I CAN’T GET THIS NEGATIVE CRAP OUT OF MY HEAD

“I can’t get this negative crap out of my head!” is a common sentiment of Empathizer-type communicators whose light is being drained. Another communication trainee said self-scoldingly:

I’m an Empathizer who’s not black-and-white like my Instigator mate. I don’t feel satisfied with myself. Here’s the pattern: I get fatigued always being on the go and not feeding myself good vibrations. My Instigator (I-type) partner will jump into motion and try to fix my problem, which actually compounds my feeling lonely and misunderstood. This is a cycle that keeps happening to me, one that I want to change ASAP. I need to be a better self-soother and a better self-encourager when I’m singin’ the blues.

Amen to that.

I DON’T THINK YOU’RE CRAPPIN’ OUT

Now, I don’t think you’re crappin’ out. But you and I both know that you and I produce and induce depression. Yes, some is chemical but much is conditioning. You know what to do to feel better. Give yourself the positive attention you need to re-generate. In part, the Talk To Me© system is designed to help you restore energy and reverse energy drains, lickety-split.

EMPATHIZER CLIFFSNOTES ON BEING THE MANAGER OF YOUR OWN MOOD

1. E-types become emotionally flooded more easily than I-types.

2. The blues are part of being a deep person.

3. You don’t fall into a hole…you walk blindly into a hole.

4. You can control your mood far more than you realize.

5. Who do you expect to be your “mood manager” if not you?

6. You aren’t a control freak, because you realize the harder you try to control, the behinder you get.

7. You CAN climb out of the hole you’ve walked into.

8. A bad mood can quickly become a bad habit pattern that you don’t need or want.

9. I-types will try to “fix it” and change your bad mood, which only reinforces it and makes it last longer.

10. At core to the cure is “TO DO ALL THOSE ROUTINE LITTLE THINGS” that you know will keep your mood steady; i.e., routine sleep, routine nutrition, routine positive self-talk, etc.

11. Acknowledge that your I-type co-communicator or partner will have an “I-type panic attack” when you get the blues…but that’s not your issue.

ABOUT TALK DOC, DENNIS E. O’GRADY

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is known as the Talk Doc since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, Talk to Me©. Dennis is a corporate consultant and team trainer, while maintaining a private practice which focuses on improving communication. His Talk to Me© system has been successfully implemented in a “top down” process in companies which understand that to ensure positive results, the best investment in personnel development is in improved communication skills. Dr. O’Grady has customized and personally facilitated extensive Talk to Me© training programs for Dayton Freight Lines (Regional LTL Transportation Services); Morris South (CNC Machine Tool Distribution); Parts Express (Electronics E-Retailer); and Motoman (World Leader in Robotic Solutions). Dennis is president of the Dayton Psychological Association and is a clinical professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. His talk textbook, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal. Not much time to read? Check out www.drogrady.com for hundreds of blogs dedicated to Dennis’s communication approach. You can contact the Talk Doc at 937.428.0724, or email him from the web site.