Posts in category: NEGATALKERS

Are you obsessed with a negative person in your life? Have you ever felt guilty for feeling resentful or angry at the kind of thinking that’s guilt trippin’ gut rippin’ mind twirlin’ deceptive clownin’ around “Why do bad things always have to happen to me, Charley Brown? Since I’m sad, down and kicked around…you’ve got to feel sorry and sympathetic for poor-pitiful-pathetic-little ole’ me and do something EXTRA for me that I won’t do for myself?!” In short, is there a guilt tripper who is playing with your psychic skin to make you conform to their will and feel touched in the head at the same time? I thought so, you wonderful soul!

WHO OWNS YOUR MIND, BABY?

Why does everyone feel sorry for the controlling, nit-picking, victim-violin-playing, “Why do bad things always have to happen to me?” sympathy seeker, the never wrong personality par excellence, the original DO FOR ME control freak, a head games champion, inventor of the negative psychodrama…drama storyline…master mind of the “I don’t get it…I didn’t mean to…It’s not my fault!” talk distractions, the NegaTalker who brainwashes you to worry and fear too much, the actions or results don’t match their big britches talk, the psychotic clown who is disguising their true motives…well, you get the point…your own personal guilt trip trainer is bad for your mind and health.

WHO’S TOUCHING YOUR PSYCHIC SKIN, DOLL?

When you are stuck in a relationship pattern with a guilt tripper, you will feel pain, lose confidence, absorb too much negative. It’s a psychological death called losing yourself and who you are…like locking your heart in a Pirates of the Caribbean dead man or woman’s chest. You become absorbed by the other…you start disappearing and become invisible…losing your identity like a Stepford wife/husband…killing yourself off and replacing the authentic you with a ridiculous robot.

GUILT SIGNPOSTS

These symptoms or clues are present when “psychocritquers” or CRITICIZERS and GUILT TRIPPERS OWN YOUR MIND and sap your self-identity and high self-esteem:

▫ You feel judged
▫ You feel psychoanalyzed to death
▫ You’re not sleeping well…you have “piece of mind,” not “peace of mind”
▫ Your inconsequential mistakes are the focus of attention instead of your miracles
▫ You’re mad as a barking dog at the postman
▫ You don’t often feel “good enough”
▫ You feel like a rusty old car in the junkyard
▫ You feel misunderstood and confused
▫ You can’t talk to your criticizer without getting into a fight
▫ You feel trapped and helpless…can’t get your truth out or true message across
▫ You are easily put off, out-talked, interrupted or talked over.
▫ You say the criticism silently to yourself repeatedly in your inner skull; you feel down, put off, stewing, mad and blue
▫ You’re driven bonkers and batty from repeating or continually hearing the unfair criticism
▫ The free minutes of your peaceful day are filled with “I wish I would’ve/could’ve/should’ve said!” ruminations
▫ Your mouth freezes up when you’re blasted down with unfair criticisms
▫ You shut down and become pessimistic…you doubt the good head that sits on top of your shoulders
▫ You come across “quieter”…like nothing much is bothering you when you are in fact stewing
▫ You tell all your friends about the stress…BUT you don’t talk back assertively and repeatedly to the psychocritiquer
▫ You don’t effectively confront the person causing your distress…ever…because you dislike hurting anyone’s feelings (except your own)

ARE YOU COMMUNICATING TO LIVE OR DIE?

Guilt trippers who specialize in playing “the blame and shame game” don’t change because they are seeking sympathy votes…and get them. In fact, when you confront a guilt tripper, he or she will say: “Are you angry at me? Why would you be angry at me when I am ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU!!” Yeah, they’ll help you alright…right out of your self-esteem, independence and confidence.

A GREAT AMERICAN SOB STORY

Does everybody feel sorry for the “guilt tripping perfectionistic nit-picker control freak” who doesn’t even try to help him or herself? Yes, almost everyone is a sucker for a good sob story. Guilt trippers write a Great American Sob Story. And you and I fall for their clown act…the “aw shucks I’m not too smart”…crapola that lands you in a dung heap that the guilt tripper will tell you is a pile of white sand on an exotic beach.

WHO’S CLOWNING AROUND WITH YOUR LIFE IN CRAZYMAKING WAYS?

Please stop feeling guilty for feeling resentful and angry at a guilt tripper who plays your sympathy strings to control you, your attitude, confidence and very life. Where is it written that it is your job to take care of the emotional welfare of a guilt tripper who is clowning around with your life in crazy-making ways? When next your psychic skin is touched by a guilt tripper, say, “Hands off me you creep!”

GET YOUR DAD PLUMB DUMB COTTON PICKIN’ HANDS OFF MY PSYCHIC SKIN, YOU CRAZYMAKING CLOWN OF A NIT-PICKIN’ GUILT TRIPPER!

Guilt trippers and guilt bombers have the uncanny ability to destroy the things they love the most…people, children, grandchildren, positive relationships. I think it’s due to the person’s being so fearful of change, of a painful reality being off-center from the way they expect or would prefer it to be–that they make themselves feel O.K. by making those around them feel not O.K. Which is NOT O.K.

Manipulating others to control emotions that frighten you…is a put-on and a put-off. Choose to face down your fears of change and changing emotions, instead.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, USA. Dennis writes a daily article on how to improve y/our communication skills at www.drogrady.com. His latest book is TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone” available to order at the “resources” button on his Web site. Dr. O’Grady is considering that his next book will be: “Get Your Dad Plumb Dumb Cotton Pickin’ Hands Off My Psychic Skin, You Crazymaking Clown Of A Nit-Pickin’ Guilt Tripper!” The subtitle will be something equally evocative, like: “12,000 guilt trips that guilt trippers will get you to go on without giving you a map that you shouldn’t even think about because these guilt-tripping nit-pickers and psychocritiquers will keep trying to have a field day with your positive energy and self-esteem if you let them.” Now that’s a book title! Guilt bombers use guerilla talk tactics to stick pins in the WhoDo doll if you let them. Why be a rescuer when you can be yourself, instead!

Why do your criticizers have to take things SO personally? “Psychocritiquers” try and erect a barb wire fence around your self-esteem, intent on sentencing you to an island of isolation. Why? Because you have the nerve to DISAGREE, the nerve to stand positively for yourself, the nerve to dare to challenge the psychological superiority of both the criticizer and the criticism. In this free world, a criticizer has a right to their opinion just as you have the right to disagree with their talk digression. Are you taking criticisms TOO personally?

HITTING THE WALL OF BAD COMMUNICATION

“Perfectionistic psychocritiquers” issue nasty proclamations that nit-pick, tear apart or criticize your good works and character. Unintentionally, their proclamations erect a Berlin Wall-like barrier around the two of you, the equivalent of the Wall of Bad Communication. In my opinion, you are the final judge of whether you deserve the communication merit badge of self-worthiness. It’s up to you to ask, “Does this criticism fit me, or doesn’t it?”

KICKED IN THE TALK GUT LATELY?

Criticizers who try to feed you a manure sandwich while claiming it’s a bologna sandwich are serving up pure baloney. Why allow yourself to be force fed such crapola?

By nature, nit-pickers or “psychocritiquers” will have a field day with your positive energy and self-esteem IF you let them. If you feel kicked in the gut…chances are you are being mistreated and subjected to someone else’s unhealthy anger. I can teach you how to NOT think too much about or dwell for too long on unfair criticisms hurled at you.

For example, read my accompanying piece “30 Guilt Trips You Don’t Want To Go On.” Sharp resentment rocks are often hurled at you by angry citizens to make you capitulate.

YOUR PSYCHIC SKIN: WHEN BEING NICE ISN’T BEING VERY REAL OR GENUINE

People who wouldn’t spit on their criticizer if he/she were on fire often act like a super-NICE boy or super-NICE girl. And in fact, that’s how bad communication can develop, because you’re absorbing put-downs under your psychic skin. Senseless arguing or hurling accusations back-and-forth don’t solve problems, either.

On the other hand, you will spontaneously come up with very good comebacks to personal accusations once you learn how to handle the sharp barbs spinning around in your own skull! To do this? You must breathe deeply, remain calm, listen with an open mind and without a pre-planned agenda…and just make up your own mind about yourself this time.

Make good use of CommTool#10…by telling guilt trippers to take a hike with the inner-personal comeback: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOES NOT FIT ME!”

SELF-ESTEEM HARPOONS

Psychocritiquers craftily project their own disowned, limiting ideas of the self on you until you could just scream. Nonetheless, it’s up to you to pull out the barbs from the flesh of your mind…all those inserted negative thoughts that multiply when repeated, often sub-vocally, inside your head by your own self-talk!

Have you told your very own “insensitive perfectionist control freak psychocritiquer Negatalker with a bad attitude”…that the haughty put-downs to which they’re trying to pin on your better fits them…the talking donkey that acts like an ass? That harsh put downs and put offs might better fit the accuser than the accused?!

Well, I guess it’s up to PosiTalkers like you and me to stop criticisms, fair or unfair, from keeping us down. So am I being TOO negative, all you NegaTalkers? Shoot, if the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T FIT ME!

Dr. Dennis O’Grady writes these communication essays to demonstrate the powerful new communication tools in his book TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone. He runs “seriously funny” workshops on effective communication strategies, change management seminars and conflict resolution and anger management training. Dennis is a Dayton, Ohio, USA, licensed clinical psychologist and professional speaker. He dares audiences and readers alike to “DARE TO CARE” in this brave new world of positive thinkers and talkers.

Are NegaTalkers spinning your head, messing with your mind and stealing your peace of mind while sending you on a gut-wrenching guilt trip? Sh-Boom! NegaTalkers are terribly good at amplifying your negative thoughts, and turning down the volume of your positive thoughts…if you agree. You don’t have to be negative…you choose to be. Don’t you agree?

The most negative live word grenade that any person or partner can maddeningly and condemningly hand you with the pin pulled out is: “WHY do YOU ALWAYS have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?” Now there’s some ultra-positive talking that will boost your spirits to the high heavens, eh? So, what on earth are you supposed to say back to a “negatalker” when talking back may lead straight away into “circular talks” that spin your head and mess with your mind and serenity?’ How can you pull out the nails that a “negatalker” is trying to drill into you that get your back up and stick your back up against a wall?

Here are a bunch of sassy, sarcastic, truthful comebacks to the negative talk transaction: “Why do YOU ALWAYS have to be SO NEGATIVE?” (This is how to effectively respond to the negative talks (-T) mode in miscommunication).

Just know for now, these are all one-liners across different topics to use when you want to “talk back” by using a “directive question” to defend yourself. Let’s use “PosiTalks!” to defend yourself from being harmed in a gut-drenching and gut-wrenching relationship. “Popping the positive question” sends the message that you’re tossing off the live guilt grenade aside someplace safe.

NEGATALKER VS. POSITALKER YOU

Let’s go for a ride now down the co-responsibility byway:

1. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: I don’t have to be negative…I choose to be. Don’t you agree?

2. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Well, to tell you the truth…I act negatively to screw with your mind. Don’t you agree?

3. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Well, someone has got to do IT (be negative) or IT (obsessing on the negative) simply won’t get done! Don’t you agree?

Sometimes when you are talking to a partner you will feel like you are gasping in thin air or trudging in sludge and mud up to your knees. It’s the farthest thing from feeling as if you’re receiving a standing ovation for being the awesome and unique person/ality you are.

All joking aside, when you are stumped…when your logic is struck down like a tree hit by lightning…when you are tongue-tied by panicky anxiety…when your mind is so completely blown you are speechless…when you really don’t know where on earth the other person is coming from if from this planet or solar system at all…it’s time to punt the talk football by asking a single, head-on question…”What makes you THINK THAT?!”