Posts in category: NEGATALKERS

ARE YOU A POT STIRRER?

Don’t upset the apple cart. It’s a saying that implies, “Why stir the pot and change what’s working well?” But how do you prevent bad apples from spoiling the bushels you’ve nurtured and harvested? “Bad apples” or “Negatalkers” are toxic communicators who poison the very air you breathe. Although no one likes conflict, confrontation is necessary on occasion. In general, many of us grit our teeth, cringe, or downright fear talking to a whiny-baby complainer who is able to find fault with angels. Nothing, after all, is quite perfect enough for the grumpy one. In short, Negatalkers, people who chronically complain and spread their poison all around the workplace and homespace, do none of us any favors.

NEGATALKERS: PEOPLE AT WORK WHO DRAIN YOU

Here are the private thoughts of one Instigator leader manager who reached the end of her rope with a disgruntled employee who runs in the Misery Loves Company, and I Make Good Company! crowd:

One of the people who reports to me is a very toxic communicator and a very disgruntled employee. I’ve had it with him. This Negatalker thinks the world is picking on him and owes him. You can’t sit down and just talk with Joe because he will run off at the mouth, go on a complain jag, and gripe the whole time. He’s a negative Instigator communicator who is subversive…he knows the negative seeds to plant in the minds of team members. Even when company changes have resulted in bonuses from a generous organization, Joe still fumes about how it’s not fair, and he’s the “poor me” victim. How can you be a victim when you make a six-figure income? I was taught that “people who dig dirt, lose ground.” Joe digs dirt on everyone and gossips, and worse yet, throws mud on the good works of others. I’m done walking on eggshells and working around him to avoid a confrontation!

Negative emotions get all stirred up during confusing communication that is crude and rude. Thus, expert communicators must tap on the brakes of their communicator car to slow down speeding emotions, in order to make a good talk plan. Will the Negatalker listen? Fat chance. But why risk your team car skidding on black ice down the two-way communicator highway and into the ditch?

TAKE A BITE FROM THE MANURE SANDWICH?

Negatalkers try to pass off a manure sandwich as if it’s a bologna sandwich, which is pure baloney. Negatalkers, whether a negative Empathizer (E-type) communicator or a negative Instigator (I-type) communicator, need to be called on the carpet in no uncertain terms. In fact, you might have to verbally hit the Negatalker, with a two-by-four wood plank to the side of the head, to get his or her attention. (Empathy isn’t a good thing with stubborn people who have a thick skull.) Here’s the relationship profile of the Negatalker:

• A toxic communicator
• Stagnant communication skills but legend in own mind
• Mad at life…personally unaware
• Pontificate by telling you how you should think or feel about events
• Brings up past events or activities that happened 25,000 years or so ago
• Spinning wheels instead of solving problems
• Repeating mistakes and rationalizing result in not going forward
• Too risk-cautious
• Chronic complaining
• Doesn’t suggest options, such as, “But we should try…
• A fear-driven career victim
• Making my problems, everybody’s problems
• Hunkered down behind a high, stone, security wall, topped off with razor wire

Negative people create division and dissention in the ranks, and they unintentionally create a time-wasting, energy-draining organizational climate. Why? Negatalkers are flooded by disowned negative emotions that they desperately pass on to others around them.

ARE YOU A MORALE BUSTER OR A MOTIVATION BOOSTER?

Negatalkers bust team morale instead of boosting group motivation! That’s how one bad apple can spoil or damage the whole bunch. As a leader manager or supervisor, you can’t afford to sugar-coat assertive feedback when it comes to chronic complainers who undermine the joys of teamwork. Have you been using the Talk to Me© feedback system? Good for you!

THE CRAFTY OR SLY COMMUNICATOR

Bad apples ought to be fired but rarely are. Good people learn to avoid being and working around negative communicators, which works in the short run but costs energy over the long haul. “Clever as a fox in a chicken coop!” describes the crafty communicator. As one business owner put it: “The more open and communicative you are with your people…the better off you are in the long run.” And that includes being direct with dingbats.

BEAT AROUND THE BUSH WITH AN INSTIGATOR OR I-TYPE COMMUNICATOR?

I-types don’t much cotton to beating around the bush. Instigators want it straight up, pure, hard, and fast in “listen up” language. This is because I-types are constantly evaluating their accomplishments. In our case study above, the whiny-baby was a negative I-type talker. What makes emotional communication tricky, complex, and complicated with anyone?
Emotional communication is:

• Fraught with anxiety
• Fog of emotions
• Distracting
• Frustrating
• Feels like a waste of time and energy
• Mentally consuming
• Emotionally draining

Empathizer and Instigator managers alike have the light of their energy dimmed by difficult people who are chronic complainers.

ARE YOU A PRECISION COMMUNICATOR?

You are a precision communicator. You know who you’re talking to by type. You adjust your language style to fit into the shoes of your co-communicator. You don’t build rapport to manipulate or to sell what someone doesn’t need. Yes, you are being held to impossibly challenging communication standards that include upfront giving corrective feedback. No worries mate. You are fully capable of making Miracles Happen On Talk Street.

ABOUT CORPORATE TRAINER, KEYNOTE SPEAKER AND COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the “Talk Doc” and president of the Dayton Psychological Association, a relationship communications expert, corporate trainer, inspirational keynote speaker, and experienced couples and family counselor. For over 30 years, Dr. O’Grady has focused on improving effective communication among everyone, including in-love couples, at-work teams, corporate leaders, and their families. Dennis is the developer of the innovative results-driven Talk to Me© effective leadership and teamwork communication system. His book on positive and effective interpersonal communication, Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along with Anyone, is available at drogrady.com or at Amazon.

NEGATALKERS BREAK GOOD COMMUNICATION DRIVING RULES

Do you know someone who thinks they’re the greatest thing ever since sliced bread? Or do you work with anyone who is a legend in his/her own mind? Then give up a big grin because you’re not alone in this crazy talk world. In fact, almost every day I hear negative people running off at the mouth and breaking good communication driving rules. Pretty words are empty without the plentitude of positive actions!

STIRRING THINGS UP FOR KICKS

The bad talker huffs and puffs, spouts off and pontificates, lectures you as if you’re a know-nothing, and stirs the pot of relationship displeasure. If you react and lip off or talk dumb and loud by reacting defensively, you lose your common sense and forget that your greatest wealth is being true to yourself. Why do you have to stay calm in tight talk traffic, when horns are honking, and other drivers on the Communication Highway are acting nuts? Well, you don’t. But if you dare to care…you can look past impressive appearances and become a guiding light to others.

PRETTY WORDS ARE EMPTY WITHOUT THE PLENTITUDE OF POSITIVE ACTIONS

Talk is cheap, if you let it be. Contrastingly, talk is priceless and of a benefit to everyone, when talk rules are followed. Clear communicators use these talk rules when emotions run hot, while others drive fast — and faster — in foggy driving conditions:

• Do slow down when your emotions are hot.
• Do listen more than you pontificate or lecture.
• Do be aware of your self and your surroundings at all times.
• Do respond to others instead of using “knee-jerk-me-jerk” reactions.
• Do be nurturing to yourself and others when stressed out.
• Do use your character values as your compass.
• Do be a good friend to others when you are prone to trying too hard to save face by being right.
• Do expect yourself to grow and change on a daily basis.
• Do hear negative feedback that resolves pesky problems which haunt you.
• Do follow good communication driving rules, even when you don’t want to.

DO YOU SPEED UP WHEN YOU SHOULD SLOW DOWN BECAUSE YOU’RE TALKING TOO FAST, TOO LOUD, OR TOO PROUD?

Is it hard work for someone just to talk with you? Instigator communicators don’t realize how intimidating they can be. Empathizer communicators don’t realize how insightful they can be. Which are you, and why does it matter?

READY TO TAKE YOUR TURN AT TALKING POSITIVELY FOR A CHANGE?

Cause and effect: You are drained by a Negatalker — someone who confidently spouts off about negative beliefs, as if they’re incontrovertible facts. They’re not…they’re just negative opinions based on whatever it takes to rile things up. You’re job is to stay calm on the fast-moving, impossibly difficult, impressively magnificent, two-way communicator highway. Ready to take your turn at talking positively for a change?

WHO IS DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.?

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the developer of a powerful Talk to Me© communication system, that isn’t gender-driven, and which has been proven to increase positive communication, energy, mood, business performance, and personal life success. Those who use the system report that they enjoy their ride through life as never before. Don’t believe it? That’s because you’re investing in energy-draining communication strategies that keep you stuck, spinning the tires of your communicator car until smoke is surrounding you. Would you like to take a little pressure off yourself today, improving your performance and your mood? Then take the Talk to Me communication system for a test drive, which is results-driven and personally proven. Don’t know about your communicator type? Yikes…you are not licensed to drive on the talk highway! Empathizers are too sensitive to others and less sensitive to the inner self. Instigators are too insensitive to others and more sensitive to the inner self. Take the NICI (New Insights Communication Inventory) at www.drogrady.com to determine what strategies you need to invest in. Read the “let’s all talk” textbook that will change your communication viewpoint forever, “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone” available at this site and on Amazon.

EMPATHIZERS LIGHT THE WAY WHILE INSTIGATORS LEAD THE WAY…YOU ARE A WARRIOR NOT A WORRIER

Badgering communication is a sure way to push your relationship over the ledge. Venting, yelling, snipping, snapping, being relentlessly verbally aggressive, criticizing, grandstanding, parading around as the hurt victim, name calling, lecturing, pontificating, being snarky on the phone, retaliating, dripping guilt trips all over the floor…using intimidating talk tactics, or “It’s my way or the highway!” conversational coercion, all are examples of badgering communication. Are you taking out your feelings on another person rather than dealing with your own disappointing expectations that reality is never as good as a perfect fantasy? Never forget: Perfectionism kills.

EMPATHIZERS LIGHT THE WAY WHILE INSTIGATORS LEAD THE WAY…SO WHY FIGHT?

Empathizers (E-types) need to feel liked and approved of. Instigators (I-types) need to feel respected. Empathizers LIGHT THE WAY, while Instigators LEAD THE WAY. Downside: E-types tire fast and feel drained from fighting, conflict, the pot constantly being stirred up. I-types lose their way from intimidating others through anger, losing the confidence of trustworthy friends, brokering for power as their relationships disintegrate.

YOU ARE A WARRIOR, NOT A WORRIER

Instigators’ badgering responses cause Empathizers’ energy to droop. You should be reminded that those who use badgering communications take away the opportunity for trust to grow and for two-way talks to unfold. Has your I-type talk partner ever come out with:

You should show a little more respect.

You don’t know what you’re talking about….

The way I see it is your comments don’t hold much weight with me….

That’s all in your mind….

That’s your opinion, but there are two sides to every story, and what I was saying is….

You don’t know what you’re talking about…you’re an idiot!

Maybe you’d be happier not working here…or being without me.

You need to work on this….

I’m just saying this because I care, and it’s for your own good….

I’m not sitting here ignoring everything like you are….

Like I said before….

You don’t understand. Let me say it this way instead….

You don’t get what I’m saying. Maybe this will make it clearer for you….

I’m getting really mad….

I feel like you don’t trust me….

I don’t do it all the time. Why isn’t what I do ever good enough for you?

I feel like that’s an accusation, and it hasn’t been that bad around here. Stop going to extremes!

ARE YOU TOO AFRAID TO TALK?

Why can’t people take peace and harmony? Badgering communication puts a plexiglass wall between you and your talk partner, kind of like being thrown into the back of a cop car. The common reaction is, “Why should I speak up if what I want to say is driven into the ground, causing friction, more confrontation, and conflict? This is a spinning top that’s distracting and destructive.

MY DEAR E-TYPES: ARE YOU SPEAKING YOUR MIND, OR IS IT THE I-TYPE WAY OR THE INTIMIDATION HIGHWAY?

Who’s in charge of your relationship? One caring person a relationship doesn’t make. Yelling is enervating. Intimidating a fellow co-worker or partner is costly. Confronting others instead of being a calming influence is draining. If you have to keep pushing and pushing and pushing, then you aren’t involved in bettering your communication skills. In short, if you’re afraid to ask questions or state your true opinion, then you’ve come under the dreaded influence of badgering communication.

ABOUT CORPORATE TRAINER AND COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the “Talk Doc” and president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association and developer of the TALK TO ME© positive and effective communication system. Why invest in a process that will improve your communication skills fast, in both personal and work relationships? Why waste time alienating people and prolonging the effort to reach a common goal, when you can use good communication strategies which pay extraordinary dividends. When you use the tools and strategies detailed in Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, you’ll find that it’s easy to keep your car in the center of Talk Highway, leaving the ditch to those communicators who play the lame Blame Game.

FATAL ATTRACTION…PLAY MISTY FOR ME

What are the core characteristics of the difficult person or “cold communicator” in your life? The affect is always the same: You feel like you’re going crazy, being driven up a wall and down again; spinning and rotating, wrapped around the axle of the difficult one; feeling anxious as you try to figure it all out; scratching your head and wondering why you deserve such brutal rejection. “I just want us to be close!” bellows the cold communicator as the dagger is plunged into your back again. I use various names to describe that difficult or cold communicator in your life: Negatalker…The Cagey Communicator…The Impressionator. At base, the difficult communicator plays a communication chess game with you where winning trumps a real relationship. The net result is that unnecessary loss, grief, strife, and unbridled conflict prevail to pummel peace and harmony.

CASE EXAMPLE: THE MARTYR COMMUNICATOR

Here’s how one of my communications clients, who is using the Talk to Me© system, described dealing with a difficult elder female family member:

If anybody dares not to buy into her delusion, she dumps them out of her life. She takes no hostages…and that happens to kids, friends, anyone who doesn’t buy into her story. She doesn’t listen to anybody’s advice, not even professionals. None of this had to happen. She turned down a good deal because she couldn’t have been a victim anymore. She sets it up so she loses, then acts like she had nothing to do with it…and that the other person has screwed her.

In the case above, this “martyr” plays “the victim violin,” throwing her emotions around like a bully to manipulate family members, using intimidation to force her way. Does emotional blackmail work to get others to back off? You bet it works…especially with tender-hearted Empathizer-type communicators.

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE COLD COMMUNICATOR

How to tell if you’re in a relationship with a difficult negatalking communicator?

• You will feel mentally hooked around the revolving axle of the difficult communicator….
• You will feel like you’re going crazy….
• You will experience being driven up the wall and down again….
• You won’t see results, since talk is big while changed actions are small….
• You will observe that difficult people are on a quest to be both victim and vindictive….
• You will feel intimidated to talk honestly and openly….
• You will worry that you might enrage the difficult person, if you speak up or tell the truth….
• You will avoid confrontational or disagreeable talking….
• You will go into a talk spiral and experience communication crashes….
• Your energy will disappear down the rabbit hole just like Alice….
• You will experience the difficult person as lazy…deceitful…cowardly.

Negatalkers will get you to own their peculiar brand of crazy. There’s never a new solution to any dilemma. You do more, get less of what you most want, and nothing changes significantly for very long. Like crazy, man.

THE NEGATIVE EMPATHIZER VS. INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR STYLE

Let’s not be lazy here, though. Difficult people are negative communicators, either Empathizer-type communicators or Instigator-type communicators. If you’re interested, you can find out your communicator type, with no strings attached, at www.drogrady.com. For now, here’s how to know with which of the two types of negative communicators you might be talking, and that includes yourself:

EMPATHIZER-: CORE TRAITS OF NEGATIVE EMPATHIZERS

• Compliant
• Sap
• Modest
• Implosive
• Imitator
• Wishy-washy
• Yes, agree-able
• Doesn’t push back
• How you play the game
• Sad

INSTIGATOR-: CORE TRAITS OF NEGATIVE INSTIGATORS

• Demanding
• Sarcastic
• Arrogant
• Explosive
• Intimidator
• Unbudging
• No, disagree-able
• Debates
• Winning is everything
• Mad

KNOWING WHAT MAKES NEGATIVE I-TYPE OR E-TYPE COMMUNICATORS TICK

My studies suggest that negative Instigators (Instigator-) make up the majority of the hard-headed, annoying, difficult people in your life, those who don’t get it or who don’t benefit from corrective feedback. Thus, they don’t follow through on needed changes that would benefit themselves, their companies, or their families. Before you try to sit down at the Communicator Table to talk to your difficult person, keep these core traits of cagey negatalkers in mind so you won’t be a sucker for their shenanigans:

1. COLD AS ICE
Cold communicators are fearful of human suffering, grief and loss, states of vulnerability, and lack of control.

2. IGNORES THE WEAK SPOT
Weakness arouses vulnerable feelings in cold communicators which cause disgust and mean knee-jerk-you-jerk explosive reactions.

3. ISOLATES, DISTRACTS, AND DEFLECTS GOOD TALK
What the cold communicator can’t control is stuck into a mental compartment — shunned, shamed, and blamed into virtual non-existence.

4. IN A STATE OF DISGRACE
Dead ears are the norm with the cold communicator, and corrective feedback isn’t heard unless it’s written on a two-by-four plank and delivered to the top of the head, repeated a dozen times.

5. BOLD-FACED LIES
“That didn’t (or won’t) happen!” rhetoric is abused as you notice that actions don’t match up with words.

6. PRIDE-FILLED AND GREEDY
“I’m not going to apologize because I didn’t do anything wrong!” and “How would you feel if you were in my shoes?!” are wrecks resulting from travel on a one-way talk street.

7. MASTERFUL MANIPULATOR
Negative labels plastered on you suggest you’re doing too much of X or not enough of Y, and therefore you should change your ways if you know what’s good for you. Either way, your not measuring up to their performance standards becomes the focus.

8. NEEDS THERAPY BUT…
Seeking outside help is shunned. However, co-workers, family, and friends of the cold communicator often read tons of books and articles or seek out therapy to deal with these crazymaking communication dynamics.

9. IT’S ALWAYS YOUR FAULT
That you’re all wrong helps get the difficult person through the day. Of course, you know doing the right thing is often so wrong for productive relationships, replete with positive emotions.

10. STRATEGIC REWARDS AND PUNISHERS
Strip it all down and the cagey communicator is calculating. He or she steals energy and hands out strategic rewards (love, money, approval, sex, time, etc.) for complying with the marching orders.

In sum, talking positively first with yourself by using the Typecasting function in the Talk to Me© system, will strengthen your will and free you from vice of the negatalker, empowering you to live your life as you want.

DIFFICULT COMMUNICATORS STEAL (OR STEEL) THE WILL…AND SICKEN (OR HEAL) THE SOUL?

Do difficult communicators steal the will and sicken the soul? Not if you’re in the driver’s seat of your life! You are steeling your will, healing your soul, and contributing your talents to a world in desperate need of them! Just goes to show though — when you restrain your mouth, your ears open up. Is the difficult person in your life really interested in bettering communication? Probably, if the stakes are high enough. It’s a Miracle On Talk Street! Moreover, as a genuine problem-solver, you walk the talk while you watch out for those difficult people who talk and sit — while you walk and carry them! When dealing with a martyr or other difficult person, I heartily suggest you adopt the strengths of both the positive Instigator or positive Empathizer communicator. Everything just might change in the blink of an eye, as the light bulb comes on in the darkness.

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dennis O’Grady is the original researcher and developer of the Talk to Me© communication system, which streamlines communication to be productive and useful…inside your head and inside your relationships. The Talk to Me© approach to good communication will help boost your mood, keep your energy up, and free you from the tar baby of negative relationships or emotions.

HOPE IS HERE: WHAT ONE INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR HAD TO SAY ABOUT THE EASE OF LEARNING AND USING THE TALK TO ME SYSTEM

I have been reading for a while now and have already started to obtain useful information and comparisons from the TTM system. One that caught me right out of the gate:

The Talk to Me© system is designed to improve your energy and motivation, and give you the stamina to achieve your goals, by talking sensibly to yourself instead of wallowing in the mud of self-imposed self-pity. You are the perfect talk road warrior! Get that junk in your trunk out of your head. Use the spiritual tools which are neatly tucked away in your glove box. Use your communicator map to get to where you need and want to go. Otherwise, you are going to be an energy drag to be around.

I now can reflect and see all the mistakes I have made in my communications. I have new options to clarify communication with my opposite communicator type…instead of getting a reaction such as when water is poured into oil.

How to know when the communicator car you’re riding in is being driven wildly by an Impressionator? Here are the emotional signposts that sensitive Empathizer communicators use:

You feel stuck in what they will or won’t do.

You don’t feel listened to.

You feel like you’re going crazy trying to understand what’s going on.

You feel drained, like you’re slogging through knee-high mud.

You feel shock and awe that everyone around you sings praises of the crafty Impressionator.

You feel sorry for their woes and misfortunes.

Impressionators have a way of, well, carefully leaving impressions in your heart and mind, but they don’t ever fully commit to showing their emotional hands.

WHO IS MS. OR MR. IMPRESSIONATOR?

I discovered the rare Impressionator communicator type while doing field research using the innovative Talk to Me© effective communication system. Impressionator is the word I coined because it best fits the foot of the Cagey Communicator. Metaphors galore help define the Impressionator: The elephant in the room was brought to you by the Impressionator. The ostrich whose head is buried deep in the sand is a friend of the Impressionator. In fact, your Impressionator is as slippery as a fish. He or she is a sly-as-a-fox man or woman who can’t commit to anything except getting into your chicken coop…with your consent! Legends in their own minds, Impressionators give all who come near the impression that they are the rainmaker who will make flowers grow in the desert.

IMPRESSION MAKER + TERMINATOR

Impressionator combines impression maker and terminator because loss and grief are intricately linked to this communicator style. Where the Impressionator travels, grief and loss are soon to follow. This always describes the two faces or masks worn by the same person. The impression-maker and the terminator. There is no bigger challenge in all the communication universe than to coexist with an Impressionator! You’d better buckle up and be prepared to be surprised and vilified. The going’s going to get rough. And guess whose fault that will be? Spell the answer along with me…Y-O-U-R-S!

Have you heard the sucking noises of your energy being drained away? Are psychic bodies left strewn all around the room or corporate table when the Impressionator really lets it all hang out? Then guess with whom you’re talking and get ready to learn some new smooth moves, to keep your wits about you and help lower your anxiety level.

WHO IS MS. OR MR. IMPRESSIONATOR?

Actually, Impressionators are remarkable communicators who produce powerful results by making you think what they want you to think, and, simultaneously, convincing you to fear a future loss by following a current recommended course of action. (Are you confused about why one would fear a future loss, then keep following the recommended course of action to cause the loss? Control, baby, control!) Between the lines of actual communication, charming, charismatic, aw shucks innocence is used to speak volumes of commands to you, netting these affects in you:

• You feel like you’re crazy when talks go bad with the Impressionator
• A tall wall is thrown up whenever you question the actions of an Impressionator
• Talking with the Impressionator is more painful than pulling teeth
• “It’s wasn’t my fault!” is always the stated and implied message
• Unnecessary business or personal blunders will be repetitively made and always rationalized
• Arrogant stubbornness: “Why should I always be the one who has to change?”
• Impressionators’ ears hear only what they want to hear, and it must always be in support of their beliefs and positions
• Almost everyone who doesn’t really know your special Impressionators will love them and think you’re SO lucky
• You feel treated like a second-class citizen, unimportant, led on, left hanging
• The very rules that you feel honor-bound to follow, will be broken by the Impressionator
• Corrective feedback is challenged with, “But I don’t always do that!”
• What you see in public is not what you get behind closed doors, when Jekyll becomes Hyde
• You can seldom get the Impressionator to follow-through on promises
• For awhile, you may be given or driven to the impression that the Impressionator is working hard to improve, when in fact he or she is still being lazy, making no changes for the better
  

In spite of all the heartache you’ve experienced, even after the countless times you’ve been hurt or let down, you will still feel sorry for the Impressionator.

A SLICK AND TRICKY COMMUNICATOR WHO SELLS ANYTHING WITH A CON-VINCING SMILE

Impressionators are slick communicators with lots of tricks up their sleeves, making you think what they want you to think. You may feel sorry for them, because you’ve heard their sob stories. Weirdly, Impressionators can’t — or won’t — fully commit to anything. In fact, Impressionators feel caught in the middle of a conflicting life, love, or career interests which creates unnecessary division, psychodrama, and discord.

AM I THE CRAZY ONE HERE?

Do you feel crazy whenever you’re around certain people? Chances are, that’s your Impressionator, your Teacher, s/he who requires you to power up your talk skills and be in the driver’s seat of your own life…n-o-w! Does your Impressionator make you feel bad, and by using “broadcast command words,” pull the wool over everyone’s eyes? Yeah, it’s dark in there! Beware of those in-between-the-lines-of-spoken-words commands that compel you to do what you’re told.

TRAITS OF THE GREAT IMPRESSIONATOR

Impressionators have magnetic personalities that engage you while draining your energy. What to look out for if you know this negative Instigator inventor communicator:

1. TWISTED THINKING. You never feel like you get a straight answer to a simple question, and even easy topics become complex psychological talk ventures with Mr. Impressionator.

2. IMAGE IS EVERYTHING. Ms. Impressionator is a gal who is an interpersonal politician who invents an image that is designed to sell others a good guy impression.

3. MAKES MESSES. If you trace his steps and actions, Mr. Impressionator makes one mess after another in his personal relationships and in his work.

4. BRINGS DOWN. Ms. Impressionator even has the nerve to complain about how people react unkindly to the very messes she makes in their living and working spaces. She brings good things down and entices you to work harder and harder to try and make her happy.

5. HAMMERS YOU. If you question Mr. Impressionator or assertively stand up to him, you will be hammered down with all sorts of rationalizations and justifications about why he’s right and you’re wrong.

6. CLOSENESS PHOBIC. Ms. Impressionator lives by The Best Little Whorehouse… movie musical lines: “Now you see me, now you don’t!”

7. CONFUSION. Mr. Impressionator ebbs and flows like the tides at the Outer Banks, while you get sunburned and feel confused…and then blame yourself for what went wrong.

8. A BOLD-FACED LIAR. Ms. Impressionator tells such big lies that you might just be tempted to think there’s some truth to them. The biggest lie of all: “There’s nothing I could have done differently, so it’s not my fault!”

9. HYPNOTIZER. Just because someone says something doesn’t make it so! Don’t be hypnotized by reverse psychology, because what Mr. Impressionator criticizes as your weakness, is in fact a pure strength of leadership.

10. LAZY BONES. Ms. Impressionator thinks winning means that you try harder and put more energy into the relationship than she does.

11. A MAGNETIC PERSONALITY. How cute and quaint that Mr. Impressionator sells everyone on his appearance of normalcy and niceness, while making you feel crazy but intrigued.

12. QUICK TO BLAME. Justifying how, “It’s not my fault, because people were doing it to me, so I couldn’t control it!” Fact is, you have a control freak, an anti-change, or rigid-thinking junkie on your hands.

13. IMPLIED MESSAGES. What isn’t said, what’s left out of the conversation, and what’s implied in statements are hypnotic messages meant to wear you down so you’ll agree with his or her viewpoint.

14. TERRIBLE TWOS. When Ms. Impressionator can’t have her way, she will pout and shout about how unfair you’re being, and then she’ll throw a temper tantrum that would put a two-year-old in stitches.

15. WEAR YOU DOWN. Mr. Impressionator doesn’t take no for an answer and will wear you down with logical arguments until you stop standing up for yourself.

16. RUNNING THE TALK MAZE. If you want to be close to her, Ms. Impressionator makes you feel like you have to run through a maze, until your head spins, you feel confused, and you have lost your way.

17. UNHAPPY. Mr. Impressionator is never truly happy, because nothing is ever quite good enough, and you could do his work much better than you are.

In my “real world” clinical studies of communicator types, from a sample study group of 470 “normal and everyday adult people from all walks of life,” 19.8% of all communicators (male and female) you run into just might be Impressionators.

IS A BIG STRAW STUCK IN YOUR SKULL AND YOUR ENERGY BEING SUCKED OUT?

Is your energy being drained? Energy levels need to be about the same in a positive relationship. Mr. or Ms. Impressionator changes the score of the game and the minutes left to play, because she lacks integrity, and he justifies unethical actions in business and romance. Do you like a good challenge? Then try to keep up with Mr. or Ms. Impressionator, who is neither hard working nor fun nor loving over the long haul.

THE WRONG WAY OF TRAVELING WITH THE IMPRESSIONATOR

The charming and smiling Impressionator is a negative Cagey Communicator guy or gal. Watch out because you will experience identity theft. You will get caught in the communicator Tar Baby of this calculating communicator who plays with a poker face.

ABOUT DAYTON COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.As the innovator of the Talk to Me© effective communication system, Dr. Dennis O’Grady’s approach to good communication produces results that will astonish you just when you thought all hope was lost. Dennis also provides business keynotes, corporate training and relationship communications coaching, in enjoyably interactive “real life” learning training formats.