Posts in category: PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

The junk in the trunk are all those resentments you keep locked inside your communicator car, the heavy weights that drag your love down and make you frown. When you can’t communicate or “agree to agree” on what a problem might be, you can’t solve problems that cause distance in your marriage or business relationships. Thus, stowed resentments make you stew and slowly create distance. In the end, you can lose your profit margins of love.

SCARED OF FIGHTS

Most unfair fights are the result of not understanding that your partner has your opposite communicator style. (No, it’s not just a “his vs. her fault” gender thing!) When opposite types fight, you end up spinning your wheels (ziiiiiiiinnnnng!) going nowhere as you talk about how one of you is not enough of this or that…and the other one of you is not enough of that or this. Get this: Talking about talking isn’t effective talking! If you’re scared of fights, if you fight unfairly or if the two of you fight too often, you won’t dialogue. Instead, you’ll monologue. And the monologue will consist of shredding your partner’s self-esteem and nit-picking him/her to death.

SHE SAYS, HE SAYS: “HEY, I TOLD YOU BEFORE IT WASN’T MY FAULT!”

Dialogue leads to brainstorming, which solves problems and creates hopefulness instead of helplessness. When you can’t correctly identify WHAT (vs. WHO) the problem actually is, you will go ’round and ’round, getting nowhere. To show you what I mean, here’s a transcript of a couple involved in poor communication:

She: You don’t view my feelings as legitimate.

He: You should just think of something else!

She: You let everything slide off your back.

He: You’re too uptight because it’s smarter not to worry about it!

She: But IF I don’t get it off my chest, I have a meltdown.

He: But WHEN your stuff comes flying right at me out of the blue, I climb the wall!

She: There you go again. You make things too complex.

He: There you go again. You don’t keep things simple enough!

She: You treat me like a child and I RESENT that.

He: You act like a baby when you don’t get your way and I RESENT THAT!

She: We’ve got some major issues.

He: I don’t have issues, you have issues. AND there you go again making a mountain out of a mole hill!

She: You don’t care what is bothering me.

He: That really bothers you? What else is bothering you so much?!

She: You make me feel stupid.

He: Hey, if the shoe fits BUT you make me think I’m a hick who’s missed the communication boat.

She: This is really a big problem.

He: It’s never as big a problem as you think it is!

She: You’re no help.

He: So what would you like me to do about it?!

She: You’re not taking this discussion seriously with all of your sarcastic comments.

He: You don’t have to throw sticks and stones when you know you’re in the wrong, you know!

She: Why do you always blow me off?

He: Back at ya’ twice as much, babe!

She: That’s just like YOU…You’re always SO unemotional.

He: Well, you’re always SO dramatic.

She: Fine!

He: Fine!

The couple above demonstrates that each partner thinks the opposite partner is the problem, when in fact the real problem is the closed communication loop that creates and feeds circular arguments that lead nowhere.

WE’RE HAVING A COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN?

Do you have a communication breakdown with your talk partner? Are you experiencing a “failure to communicate” and just spinning your wheels while smoke is coming out of your ears? Talking in circles of blame simply doesn’t work! In fact, these types of “circular talk” patterns can end in a relationship disaster, as each partner begins to feel less and less confident about the integrity of their communication prowess and proficiency.

EFFECTIVE DISAGREEMENT

The above “monologue” isn’t a dialogue or an “effective disagreement” or “brainstorming new solutions to old problems.” It’s simply venting and making glib comments about the other partner’s communication style. Namely, that your style isn’t my style and that’s the reason we can’t communicate. So who’s fault is it? Nobody is the fault…but somebody has got to get the straight scoop and read the map correctly to go in a new direction.

WHY DON’T YOU ADDRESS THE COMMUNICATION PROBLEM?

The couple in the “pretend” scenario above never get around to “agreeing to agree and to disagree” on several extremely important things:

1. Is there a problem, or isn’t there a problem?

2. What are our two differing viewpoints of what constitutes the problem?

3. Is this a small problem or a big problem?

4. Is this problem worth our time to solve?

5. What “compromise” would best solve the problem in a win-win fashion?

6. If I accept my partners’ viewpoint, while still respectfully disagreeing, what creative solution in the triangle of talk would present itself?

7. Are we scared of fighting about the problem? Why?

8. Do we know how to “fight fair” and “disagree productively” about what is/isn’t a problem?

SPINNING YOUR WHEELS OR BE IN YOUR OWN LIFE?

If you can’t decide on what the problem is and isn’t, and which problem is a big enough one to tackle, then you will never find a compromise to solve the problem. And the results of sweeping problems under the carpet, of ignoring the elephant in the room? An elephant stampede that squashes your love flat as a pancake.

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS TRAINER AND CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a relationship psychologist, strategic and effective communication keynote speaker, and executive leadership coach who is the author of, “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Dennis gets the picture of fear of talking vs. unfair fights…both of which lead to a town called Nowhere Fun. “Talking mean” and “blame games” and “circular talks” and “talking about talking” are all customary forms of missed communication opportunities that are very frustrating and preventable with practice. Do you have “junk in your trunk?” Then take all of your resentment baggage out of your communicator car trunk (including the elephant that no one is talking about) and lay it out on the driveway. Then decide what you want to donate and let go of or keep. Why be so afraid of ending up in a division or loss of your partner that you don’t ever dare to begin to really begin talking?

Communication can get real ugly when people hold two (or more) different viewpoints and feel at war, not peace-full. Victims of bad talk are all of us who are trying to avoid pointing the finger of blame, or throwing rocks of resentment that maim. When conflict and tension are dancing as fast as they can across your communicator stage, your view of the truth is needed to be heard to garden change.

REALITY IS A MANY SPLENDIFEROUS THING

Reality is what two or more people agree on as true and valid. Empathizer communicators (E-types) hold to a private view of truth vs. untruth, assuming everyone must be able to “see and agree” on what they do. Instigator communicators (I-types) more forcibly declare a public view of right vs. wrong, assuming everyone will “hear and agree” on what they think we all should do. Problem is…truth is a many-sided elephant, said the blind man.

WHAT YOU CAN SAY WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY

These are some prompts to talk when you don’t know what to say. Next I will give you examples of how they sound in real life.

1. My view of the truth is…

2. What I need you to hear is…

3. My take on the problem is…

4. This is my experience with this…

5. My feedback is…

6. My two cents worth…

7. I need to vent…

8. This is my offering…

9. My view of this happens to be….

“What I heard you say was…” “It wasn’t just me who heard that…” “So we don’t have any further miscommunication…” “I don’t see any reason for hostilities…” are some other novel ways to get your point across without making an enemy by casting sharp stones of blame.

HOW TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO ISN’T ON THE SAME PAGE MUCH LESS IN THE SAME LIBRARY?

Now, since the “hard times” are good for us, let’s see how truth plays out in the real world of people talking.

1. My view of the truth is… Example: “My view of the truth is that you say that you’re working on it because I can’t get on your case if you’re putting some energy into it.”

2. What I need you to hear is… Example: “What I need you to hear is that just because we’ve always gone to your parents for the holidays, habit doesn’t make it the right thing for us to go again this year.”

3. My take on the problem is… Example: “My take on the problem is that we’re not progressing fast enough. I want to see some signs of progress. I want things to move forward because I’m unwilling to live like this.”

4. This is my experience with this… Example: “This is my experience with this: You say you couldn’t do anything to change it but I disagree. You didn’t want to do anything to make any waves, so you went along to get along to claim it wasn’t your fault.”

5. My feedback is… Example: “My feedback is we ought to get together and talk calmly. When you or I get mad at each other and then treat each other disrespectfully, it’s like throwing gasoline on a fire.”

6. My two cents worth is… Example: “My two cents worth is that we really know how to push each others’ buttons, and hit below the belt. Then we have a slugfest instead of a lovefest.”

7. I need to vent… Example: “I need to vent. The kids called you a ‘screamer’…enough already. You’re beating a dead horse trying to make the kids agree with you.”

8. This is my offering… Example: “This is my offering… we shouldn’t say ‘why don’t you just get over it’ anymore. We need to ‘get into it’…work out the feelings instead of get over them.”

9. My view of this happens to be… Example: “My view of this happens to be that reality is a many splendid thing, and self-delusion is cancerous.”

Well, that’s been more fun than climbing a tree and hollering at the top of your lungs, hasn’t it?

TRUTH BY COMMUNICATOR TYPE

Relaying your view of the truth is what matters. If you are an E-type communicator, you are prone to becoming tongue-tied when a contest of wills is waged, and need to be supported to stay on-focus and talk-open. If you are an I-type communicator, you are prone to dismissing the reality of the other speaker, and need encouragement to hold back from overwhelming them with the logical power of your points.

IF WE DON’T TALK ABOUT IT…IT’S NOT AN ISSUE

A rule of the fool-hearted is: “If I don’t talk about my feelings…the issue that made the feelings surface will disappear, too.” There’s more than a little truth to this favorite Instigator-truism. On the other hand, not talking about feelings productively, is like holding your breath for too long. Something big is going to come along to kick you out of your complacency, such as having a fainting spell, or dipping into a downer mood or becoming a screamer.

FEELIN’ LIKE CRAWLIN’ HEAD FIRST INTO BED

When viewpoints aren’t shared respectfully, and when you don’t learn something new to strengthen relationship bonds…IT makes the bravest among us feel like crawlin’ into bed headfirst and staying there. Miscommunication makes us all feel so alone, disconnected, mad and mortally sad. Just makes me wonder why we do it so much.

ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dennis O’Grady is a keynote speaker, family business consultant, relationship counselor, excecutive coach and author of the new communication system found only in “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.”

I recently had the distinct honor and privilege to be the “celebration keynote speaker” on “effective and positive communication” to the Morris Group “All Branch” Meeting at a retreat held in South Carolina at The Inn at Palmetto Bluff. Why was this event so remarkable? The Morris Group had its best year ever, and the focus and purpose of my talk was “Celebrating Your Couple Life.” CEO Lee Morris practices and preaches that strong couple bonds are as important (or more important) as strong company profits. The leaders and their spouses are just like you and me… hard-working…caring…juggling 50 balls in the air at once…wanting to love what they do and be in love with their spouses to boot.

THE TALK TO ME PROGRAM

The “Talk to Me” program builds a bridge between work (leader) communication and home (spousal) communication. Effective and productive communication eliminates backseat drivers and detours, to help us all drive down the two-way communication highway in a better mood. In fact, how were we ever able to talk to one another without knowing who we were talking to by type—Empathizer or Instigator drivers?

DO YOU DRIVE A BLUE OR RED TALK CAR?

After taking a short version of the New Insights Communication Inventory (NICI), each participant got either a “blue circle” or a “burnt orange” circle to put on their name tags to represent their communicator type. Blue is the color of the Empathizer-type communicator car and burnt orange is the color of the Instigator-type communicator car. In my studies, a majority of leaders drive the burnt orange cars since they are Instigator communicators, while most of their spouses drive the blue communicator cars since they are Empathizer communicators. Just goes to show that “one size communciator shoe” does not fit all, as my “shoe exercise” parlayed. Besides the roasted oysters, the biggest newsflash involved the communication tips and tools that each couple came up with at the end of my talk to put to use at home.

WHAT WILL YOU PUT TO POSITIVE USE FROM TODAY’S TRAINING AND WORKSHOP MESSAGE?

So here are the answers that workshop participants (leaders/spouses) came up with in response to: “What will you put to positive use from today’s training and workshop message?” This wisdom is in no particular order…feel free to join in:

I am going to tell my wife how much I appreciate her and what I love about her every day

Better understand my communicator type and how to relate better to a different type

Not to take things so seriously…use touch more

Implement the four minutes per day for communication practices

I will be a good and receptive listener. I will understand where my spouse is coming from and support him. Can’t be too much of a communicator in family life

Set the tone and setting for communication…communicate why and how I feel

To listen in a different way…to see their side…slow down and don’t overreact. Enjoyed your talk.

I will read the book (Talk to Me)

Don’t take I-types (Instigator-type communicators) so seriously…don’t expect my type of communication only

Better awareness of what is important to my spouse when communicating with her

Try and be more understanding of his type of communicating…bring the elephant out of the room

Set time aside each evening to sit and discuss the day’s events

Attempt to understand my wife’s communication style…and see and challenge myself to listen to her actively…and not pass by on my fast track

To give loving comments and touch…although we’re both the same types…be a good listener

Communicate more effectively—understand that nobody is perfect…listen to my partner’s point of view…won’t hold grudges

Understand the two communicator types and how to talk to the other…set the communication table…say the positives more often

Set the table each day to open up discussion…learn my wife’s communicator type…understand my communicator type

Set the communication table and state what makes me fee so good about talking

I will not take my “hero” so seriously…I will also try to walk in my spouse’s shoes more often

Think like my partner…listen with three ears…share my thoughts and feelings

Tell others how I feel about them more often…ask them how they are doing

Communicate more and listen

Better understanding of the types and dynamics of communicators…we are two different types my wife and I

That Instigator couples have to trade plans and take turns…the flip a coin plan

Tell what I love about my spouse each morning

Try to talk using emotions and feelings…be more sensitive to how others might be affected by my words/actions…work toward understanding the communicator type of those with whom I communicate/live/work

Try not to take my husband so seriously when he has a lot on his plate and stressed…help him recharge his battery…help understand his communicator type better

Understanding why I’m the way I am and how to understand my partner’s communicator type…slow down the inner voices…breathe…listen

I will make sure that I slow down and listen instead of blowing through the conversation

Setting the communication table properly is the key to a healthy relationship between my wife and I…we both work hard understand our different styles and try to acknowledge each others wishes

I have got to learn how to be a better listener…because when we talk I am ready for the fight

I will try to clarify what my wife is saying to me with the phrase, “So let me tell you what I think you’re saying…”

When my spouse is feeling down, vulnerable, etc. I will use his style of communication with him since he is the opposite of me

LISTEN! Talk in my spouse’s language

Give more space to my spouse when he comes home

I will understand my husband’s actions when times are tough and when times are good

Identify with my wife’s personality type to improve communication

Allow myself to be questionned

I will try harder to give my husband my FULL ATTENTION AND COMPLETELY LISTEN to how he feels each day

Learn and understand how to effectively communicate with my spouse

Be sure to find out how her day was and remind her how much I love her

Learn about the opposite type’s communication style and adopt these techniques when talking to them…I look foreward to reading more in your book

It’s a useful way of understanding how others think, feel and reason

Understanding my spouses communicator type…understanding my type

CAN WE TALK?

Oh, my, what fun we had as a group. Talking to “both sides of the aisle” is an exhilarating honor. I love talking to real people who make positive things happen. And as you know, it can be tough to talk as spouses during the tough times…and spouses busy with parenting can “skip over” the positive times to focus on other urgencies. The leaders and their spouses laughed, hooted, cried, hugged, held hands and smooched—a good time of communication was had by all. Thank you, Morris family!

KEEP COMMUNICATION TIGHT TO STAY CONNECTED AND CLOSE AS A COUPLE

Well, that’s it from our real-world “live communicating love” couples in the world of work, raising kids and celebrating the one life God has given you to live. Are you celebrating your life today? Way-to-go! Now remember to use your own gold advice all you gals and guys…Keep It (Communication) Tight! Keep the battery charged you I-types…and you lovable E-types…keep your inner light shining bright for without you it’s a very dark world, indeed.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady, who still gets butterflies in his stomach when he gets up in front of a crowd of strangers, nevertheless comes away from events like this even further committed to spreading the word about positive communication and communicator types, as outlined in his new book “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” He’s founder of New Insights Communication in Dayton, Ohio.

Do you neglect your pleasure as a couple, in favor of raising healthy kids? Or do you pursue your pleasure as a couple, and neglect your responsibilities to raise healthy kids…or both/neither of the above? In “child-centered families,” the couple tends to neglect the couple unit to focus on the children. Everyone says NOT to forget about the lovers BUT…it’s just so easy to do.

THE LOVING COUPLE NEGLECT SYNDROME

The couple neglect syndrome develops when you put your needs for pleasure last on your “to-do list”…so far down that you rarely get to them at all. Here are the key factors that indicate, little-by-little, you’re becoming an un-couple:

1. The couple doesn’t communicate. You talk about tasks and “the to do’s” instead of the conversation that indicates your enjoyment of each other.

2. The couple lives like roommates. Small talk replaces deeper discussions.

3. Each partner does a lot of solo pleasuring. “He does his thing, and she does her thing!” is the norm.

4. Superficial conversations. Very little personal self-disclosure occurs, or minimal sharing of vulnerabilities during discussions.

5. Your partner doesn’t listen. Listening with the intent to “first understand before being understood” doesn’t often happen.

6. You feel second to the kids. You notice that your partner shows more excitement and enthusiasm being around the kids than being around you.

7. The couple doesn’t spend much relaxed private time together. A “we’ve got to hurry up and balance 12 plates in the air!” permeates the relationship.

8. You don’t go out socially as a couple much. You don’t go out together with positive friends or stay together to enjoy the social outing as a couple.

9. Excuses. You both make a bevy of excuses why you can’t be close now…but maybe later. For example, “If it weren’t for the kids or stress, we’d be able to…”

10. Senseless arguing. You snipe, snap or snip at one another for tiny annoyances.

11. Only one spouse sees the problem. There isn’t partner agreement on the pleasuring problems that need to be solved…and how serious the problems even are.

12. Moan-day…Moan-day. Griping about how change is tough, time is short, energy is sapped, pressures to be perfect are percolating and moaning about shortages of every shape and kind.

13. Flirting. Enjoying talking and playing word games with age-companions who aren’t your partner…when they act positive…like they like you and are glad to see you.

14. Perfection fakery. The pressure is on to “look good” publicly to the group (social or extended family), instead of privately “feeling good and happy and tight” as a couple.

15. In-tense. A gripping “tension” exists, making the couple feel as if they’re in a vise whenever they’re around each other for unstructured periods of time.

16. Extremism. All-or-none thinking or extremism prevails making the flow of love either totally turned on or absolutely turned off like water through a garden hose.

17. Too busy to be bothered. Lack of communication and not physically showing caring in hugs and other tender touches are never good things. Neither is being too too busy to make time to talk.

18. “And before we knew IT…” The couple bond grows weaker and weaker, and the fire of love burns low to the point of being snuffed out. There is a lack of respect and attention paid to a partner after the glow wears off.

19. Checked out. You stop checking in with your partner, and have checked out of the relationship, instead.

20. No P.D.A. There’s a “no public (or private) display of affection” policy, and the Department of Affection is closed for the day.

21. Guilt energy. “It’s always something…some crisis comes up!” and there’s not much funnin’ and foolin’ around since the work of raising kids is never completely done.

22. Worry wart. Everyone’s focused on loudly playing that good old…worry song.

23. Sex is work. Sexual play has become sexual work, and initiating sex is dreaded for fear of rejection.

24. Role modeling vs. talk muddling. One day will your kids grow up and want a marriage like the one they’ve seen role modeled by you and yours?

25. Feeling unimportant. Feelings of guilt and anger preside over the need for receiving simple signs of positive attention.

26. Clamming up. Whether you are introverted or extroverted, you clam up and don’t feel safe to speak your mind without fearing an angry uprising.

27. Senseless arguing. We make the same tired points and counterpoints that don’t get you anywhere productive or useful.

28. Having any fun, yet? You and your partner aren’t having much fun at all, not feeling at ease vs. dis-eased, hurrying too fast to get to nowhere land.

COUPLE PLEASURING VS. COUPLE POUTING

The opposite of couple pleasure is couple pouting. There’s no way you won’t get frustrated when your adult needs for closeness, companionship, growth and change are thwarted by the self-defeating actions of unintended neglect.

Why talk about a solution to couple suffering, or doing the “couple fix” just once such as a prescribed “date night,” and then stop finding ways to have fun together again. No doubt raising kids is hard…staying loving while raising healthy kids is even harder.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a professional keynote speaker and author from Dayton, Ohio, USA. He is the author of Talk to Me, Taking the Fear Out of Changing, and No Hard Feelings. His mission is to help companies and couples develop positive and effective communication skills for work and home using the “Talk to Me” program.

Are you REALLY always right? If you want to slip out of taking responsibility for something important that came out of your mouth when you felt frustrated or mad, just say: “Hey, I was only joking! Don’t take it so seriously. I was just teasing ya’. It’s nothing personal!” Slippery speak is when a speaker passive-aggressively makes excuses for mean-spirited words or actions so they can’t get caught red-handed and held personally responsible.

I DON’T DO IT ALL THE TIME

Legalistic and psychological arguments abound in the world of talk today. “BUT I don’t do it ALL the time!” is slippery speak because frequency of occurrence is used as an argument. That’s like saying, “Hey, but I don’t lie ALL the time so why are you getting on my case?!” Or picking apart or quibbling with a good point, by saying: “That may be what you heard, I can’t argue with that, but that’s not what I said!”

MAKING SLICK EXCUSES TO EXCUSE REPEATED FAILURES

Making slick excuses to excuse repeated failures is one of the biggest communication flops being perpetuated today. People seem so keen at getting out of being the blame, that needed positive changes are cut off at the knees just when the whistle blows for the change race to begin. Are these some slick talking tricks you might hear at work, school or home today?

1. I didn’t mean it like it sounded!
2. I was just joking!
3. Can’t you take a joke…I was just ribbin’ ya’!
4. Give me some credit, why don’t ya?!
5. I am constantly trying to do the right things for our relationship!
6. There you go again picking on me.
7. C’mon…I’m not THAT bad!
8. I know that…you’re repeating yourself.
9. No, I don’t want your sympathy.
10. I think it could’ve been worse.
11. I couldn’t help it.
12. I thought it would be neat and make you happy.
13. I would have been better off, not saying anything.
14. You try to make me out to be a terrible person.
15. I don’t get that…maybe I’m dumb or not as smart as you!
16. I don’t get that everything revolves around you.
17. You’ve got to admit…
18. It’s not as bad as before.
19. BUT that’s a FACT!
20. I’m so busy solving everyone’s problems–I don’t have time to solve my own.
21. You’re making this sound SO really BAD and awful.
22. That’s not what I was saying!
23. You’re doing a good job of backing me into a corner.
24. You’re trying to make me pick sides which I won’t do!
25. You can’t compare the two…it’s like comparing apples to oranges.
26. I have to live with what you give.
27. What can I do about IT?
    
28. You’re never satisfied, so I can never do enough to ever please you.
29. It wasn’t ME!
30. IT wasn’t MY fault!
31. What did YOU do now?
32. Where are you coming from?
33. You don’t have to ACT so mad!
    
34. I didn’t do IT!
35. Where have you been?
36. But I don’t do it all the time!
    

HOW TO GET OUT OF BEING BLAMED FOR ANYTHING

You, too, can make fools of others by blowing the smoke of confusing rhetoric around the communicator table to confuse matters AND mess with minds. So Mr. or Ms. Rebel, do you now know how to talk your way out of any noose you find hung around your neck? Use these “bad communication rules” to get out of being blamed for anything:

• Don’t be honest.
• Don’t make a commitment that you plan to keep.
• Set a crisis fire or set off an explosion to distract attention away from changes you need to make.
• Holler loud and proud…disrespect others…throw your unhealthy anger around like a heavy-weight.
• And be sure to go for the emotional jugular!

GOING FOR THE EMOTIONAL JUGULAR

After all, they had it coming, didn’t they? Gosh knows it’s not your fault. You didn’t mean to…you didn’t intend to…but if you did intend to you didn’t mean to harm anyone even when they were hurt by your actions or inactions.

You deserve to delight in the power of positive communication to leave your resentments, rejections and unsolved problems behind in the rearview mirror of your life as you travel down the two-way communicator highway. Sure, you may get blamed by another driver every now and then BUT you won’t run out of gas or loving passion!

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional training in Ohio and surrounding states. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone” which is available in the resource store at his Web site www.drogrady.com. Dr. O’Grady leads workshops, and provides business consulting, about two new communicator types called Empathizers and Instigators. Let’s take “playing by the rules” as a fun example. Empathizers or E-types expect others to make the rules, while Instigators or I-types expect others to play by the rules they make. Likewise, take “grudge matches or grudge keeping.” E-types daily wipe their slate clean which can create co-dependency, while I-types keep accounting records of rights vs. wrongs that can lead into a co-dependency. Knowing who you’re talking to in the workplace or family space by communicator type and temperament, makes all the difference in the “mood” in your workplace or relationships and the “effectiveness” of your management team.