Posts in category: PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Alright, I’ve got to be honest with you here. I really love the women who jab me by asking bluntly: “Why can’t men commit to a new and improved romantic relationship? Are they burned out, resentment riddled, too scared to commit, spineless cowards or just too plain dumb to go on with love?” Well, perhaps I’m exaggerating here a little bit (which I’m prone to do when women get all riled up about my gender) BUT let’s all talk about the complex and sensitive topic of “men who are afraid to commit.” SO IF you’re having trouble “getting” a “man” to “commit”…then you are probably failing to see the forest for the trees. What do I mean this?

IS YOUR GUY AN EMPATHIZER OR INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR?

I’m not suggesting that guys are dull cattle or mindless sheep who just need to be lassoed, herded or coaxed into the corral (and then branded with your initials). Far from it…because you can’t control (or buy) love. In fact, I’m saying that one size does not fit all, communicator-wise. Get ready, because help is on the way when you use my communication system to understand the opposite sex.

First, do you know the communicator type (not personality) of your guy? Not sure? If not, you won’t be able to figure out the “commitment puzzle” or be able to “predict” a guy’s level of emotional commitment and interpersonal trustworthiness.

WHILE YOU’RE AT IT…LET’S TEST YOUR TYPE INSTEAD OF FRETTING

If you don’t know the communicator type of your guy, chances are you will be chronically frustrated through no fault of your own! So what type of communicator are you or your guy? Are you (or is he) more sensitive and tuned in to others? Are you more insensitive and tuned in to yourself? Is he? I’m bettin’ that you are an Empathizer-type communicator—someone who is interpersonally trustworthy and aware.

Yeah, so…the bad news here is? Be-aware: An Instigator communicator can make your head spin and “make you” try too hard, when in reality you might be better off accepting the loss of “this isn’t working” and moving on down the road because you are the true leader of your own life.

MORE ABOUT COMMITMENT AND COMMUNICATOR TYPE

SO don’t let yourself be led around like a goat on a rope! Know your communicator type and who you’re talking to by type to spare your energy and steer clear of bad, bad vibrations! Must know communicator facts:

1. If your guy is an Empathizer-type communicator or E-type guy, then he will commit too easily or quickly and have difficulty letting go of relationships that aren’t good for him. Ergo the muse: “Why are all the good guys taken?”

2. If your fella’ is an Instigator-type communicator or I-type guy, then he will keep you guessing as to where the relationship is going in order to have more interpersonal power and control. Ergo the muse: “Why are guys so afraid to commit to a good gal with lots on the ball?”

Knowing this kind of information is just the beginning of finding new answers that address and resolve old frustrations and frustrating relationship patterns. In fact, your mood…personal energy in spite of stress…and positively optimistic attitude will likely improve 66% when you use the principles in “Talk to Me.”

FIND OUT IF YOUR GUY IS WORTH COMMITING TO

The whole shootin’ match of a positive relationship worth having hinges on TRUSTWORTHINESS—the man does not lay blame on any person for the state of his life AT ALL. As a professional psychologist and man, in my opinion as a man I am worth committing to and/or seeking a commitment from IF:

So, if I do have ANY of these “personal issues,” then let me go. If you know what’s good for you and your self-esteem!

Dr. Dennis O’Grady knows his communicator and the types of just about everyone he comes in contact with, because he’s dedicated his career to putting his ideas into action. Find those ideas in his latest book available only at this site, “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone.”

As the rattled but glad Dad of three daughters (two of whom are now teenagers), I positively believe that there’s no more important project than “talking to your teen.” Why? The pressures for perfectionism today on our youth and families are perfectly insane! So “keep it simple” methods to talk effectively and with results to your teen are more important today than ever. If you don’t have a clue, I’ve solved the communication puzzle of parent-teen talks.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

“Don’t sass me!” or “You have a bad attitude!” is a clue that talks have narrowed into a one-way communicator highway. The secret to great communication with your teen is to know who you are talking to by communicator type. Since this is a “newsflash” that’s just come out in the “Talk to Me” communication system, you can bet your Tylenol that you are going to have fewer headaches as a parent when you use my powerful new talk tools. If you’re a disbeliever…just read on…because for the price of a good dinner for two, I can help you groom your teen for success if you use my talk system.

IS YOUR TEEN DIFFICULT TO TALK TO?

Most teenagers don’t have strong relationships with their parent until adulthood. Is your teen “difficult” to talk to or “closed-down and defensive” when you try to talk to him/her? Are you, as parents, being good role models for your teen(s) on how to be “positive and effective communicators…how to be the leaders of your own lives”? My talk tools do just that. Get this: Your teen is either an Empathizer-type communicator or an Instigator-type communicator! The majority of teens are Instigators. If you don’t know which communicator type you are, or your teen is, then you may be “barking up the wrong tree” with the type of parenting and discipline you are using. Get ready: What works with one type doesn’t work with the opposing type. And chances are that your kids are BOTH communicator types who prefer a parent of the same type who “understands me.”

IS YOUR TEEN AN INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR?

Are you or your teen an Instigator communicator? How to know? Following is a checklist of typical talk habits of Instigator-type communicators…whether I-type adults or teens:

• Can dominate family “mood”
• Has strong personality types
• Uses logical and “rational” arguments
• Can disrespectfully “skin you alive with their sass”
• Exhibits great debate skills
• Talks back fearlessly to adults and peers
• When push comes to shove…will guilt trip parent to get what he/she wants
• Uses a loud voice…will scream and shout and cry and pout
• Loves to use power…can be the proverbial bull in the china closet of peers
• Has an “It’s not my fault!” mindset
• Enjoys “winning a point” at the expense of relationships
• Can be excellent at “negotiating” to resolve conflicts
• Responds best to brief punishments

If you don’t have time to do anything else, check out the connecting link “The I-Type Kid.”

IS YOUR TEEN AN EMPATHIZER COMMUNICATOR?

Are you or your teen an Empathizer communicator? How to know? Following is a checklist of typical talk habits of Empathizer-type communicators…whether E-type adults or teens:

• Can “read” and “follow” the family “mood”
• Judges self as “coming on too strong” when hardly being assertive
• Thinks of self as “too sensitive” … “too weak” or “a pushover”
• Operates from “emotions” … easily picks up negative emotions from others, as if by radar
• Acts “too nice” when should “talk back” to being pushed around
• Gives in quickly when debates heat up, even when in right
• Won’t talk back to adults or authorities unless encouraged to…keeps too much “bottled up”
• When push comes to shove…will feel “guilty” for being the cause of a problem
• Uses a quiet voice…will act “shy” … won’t use words but behaviors to show how he/she is feeling
• Loves to “include everyone” … no one “left out” …can be caught in peer power stampede
• Exhibits a “how can we solve this problem!” mindset
• Enjoys “winning a friend”
• Is excellent at “listening” during conflicts
• Responds best to brief rewards

If you don’t have time to do anything else, check out the connecting link “The E-Type Kid.”

TOOLS TO USE TO TALK WITH YOUR TEEN TO BUILD SELF-ESTEEM

Talking to your teens isn’t magic. Yes, it does take energy and work to “walk in their shoes” and help them talk positively to themselves and others. Here’s a quick list to use to talk to your teen today:

1. Keep it simple…focus on teaching positive communication skills.

2. Focus on the point…talking to others effectively is far more important than grades.

3. Good communication skills aren’t taught in the schools or at your work.

4. Teach positive communication skills during your “family communication meetings.”

5. First work on yourself…do you know you and your partner’s or co-parent’s communicator type? If not, why not?

6. Buy a copy of “Talk to Me” and read the first chapter which teaches you how to “typecast your teen.” TTM is available only on this Web site.

7. Next learn the two communication modes your E- or I-type teen prefers to use. There are 38 “progressive” diagrams in TTM you can easily use.

8. Talk “using the language” your teen prefers because of his/her “communicator type.”

9. Use my communication system four minutes a day and “see” for yourself that it works wonders.

COMMUNICATOR COLLEGE

You’re not in the business of defending your teen. You’re not in the business of being chronically frustrated by your teen. You’re not in the business of ignoring the emotional complexities of teen life or “hoping they will just grow out of it.” You are in the business of guiding a teen into the world of talking like an adult, and knowing why and how they can get along with some people –but not get along with others. Now it’s up to you my dear parent. It’s not magic to “talk to your teen” today!

Dr. Dennis O’Grady’s almost-16 year old daughter Erin O’Grady helped edit this article. What does Erin think about talking to teens? “Dad…your information has helped me get through many tough peer and boyfriend situations already. Teens don’t feel like parents understand them…and parents don’t feel they can understand their teen…neither one feels that they can relate well which is really unfortunate. If you can’t have positive communication, parent to teen, then teenagers can take the assumption that anything can be taken for granted and that the opportunity to try things is always at hand such as sex…drugs…etc. But when a parent can talk to teens without going off on a lecture tangent…the teen will get the message that past mistakes a parent makes, don’t have to be repeated. The teen years are difficult but are extremely important building blocks…if a parent isn’t there to help set the foundation…you are looking at a no-win situation that is just bound to crumble. As a result, the teen goes back to square one as an adult…and no one wants that.”  Love ya’ Erin!

I believe that people can depress other people. I know that it’s not very psycho-fashionable to say “you made me cry” nowadays, but it’s true. You CAN make me feel bad by what you say and do! And I CAN make you feel good by what I say and do! In fact, die-hard pessimists can squash and deflate my positive moods pretty quickly.

ARE YOU TOO SENSITIVE OR INSENSITIVE IN THE WORLD OF GOOD COMMUNICATION?

Hey, it’s not a perfect world, I realize, and Empathizer communicators can pick up emotional feelings as easily as some people pick up the common cold. It’s as if they have an emotional radar that’s always turned on.

However, if you’re a tough and thick-skinned Instigator communicator, are you going to tell me that you don’t feel it when I stomp on your toes? That’s why big boys and girls just gotta’ sit down and put their heads in their hands sometimes and cry.

DEPRESSING RELATIONSHIPS

You can blame the weather or a partner for your bad mood, and some of the time you are right. Relationships that are co-dependent or that restrict the psychological independence of either partner will make you sad, mad, guilty, moody and all mixed up. SO whose fault is it?

The answer to that question doesn’t really matter. What matters is what you are going to do to fix the problem and change the relationship situation that you dislike.

IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP DISTRESSED?

Symptoms of a mood-depressing relationship ARE:

• You can’t talk about deep issues
• You feel like two ships passing in the night
• You either argue too much or not enough
• You feel shamed for feeling what you do
• Your partner interrupts you to tell you how to feel—think—behave—change what you do
• A “blame and shame” mentality pervades the talk proceedings at the communicator table
• When you tell the truth, you get slammed or punished in words or the silent treatment
• You have difficulty sleeping…or wake up abruptly
• Your skin crawls with anxiety when you ought to be happy

WHAT OR WHO IS DEVOURING YOUR SOUL?

When a distressed relationship is devouring your soul, there’s a dull ache of pain and helplessness in your heart that doesn’t go away. You also feel as if your life is slipping out of control. The solution is to become the leader of YOU and your own life again. How?

FIVE HALLMARKS OF HIGH-POWERED TWO-WAY COMMUNICATIONS

Let’s move off the negative and into the positive talk circle. Here are five hallmarks of fine communication:

1. Feelings aren’t frowned upon
2. Guilt trips and finger-pointing are avoided
3. Problems are discussed rationally then solved
4. Each partner accepts 50% co-responsibility for every problem
5. Anxiety isn’t caused by rejection or loss of support if you say what you really mean to your partner

Your mood IS affected by the quality of your communication and the attitude of your partner toward your moods. If the mood in your relationship is distressed, don’t wait. Instead, seek communication help from someone you trust.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady, a clinical psychologist, has talked to more than 5,000 couples who are gay, straight, married or living together, young and old, Catholic and Jewish, highly educated or working hard for a living, and he has learned that communication is a system of talking well when you feel bad or ill. His third book is called “Talk to Me:
Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.”

Nowhere do the bright lightning and heaven-shaking importance of honesty and openness come through more brilliantly than in the arms of our personal romantic, parenting and extended family relationships. So here’s a question: Is a tiny little white lie all that bad for our health? White lies and half-truths cause havoc and shrink intimacy into nothingness faster than a cold dunk into icy water. Maybe it’s doing what you want instead of what you’ve promised to do. Maybe it’s deception, truth-spinning or failing to communicate. Maybe it’s a determination to hang onto a bad attitude. Indeed, the single biggest “red flag and emergency flare” of a distressed relationship is NOT telling the truth…so help us God.

In my third book “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone,” I’ve defined the “Relationship Rules” we must live by in order to create trust and respect in our business and personal relationships.

TELLING THE TRUTH HURTS?

The hallmark of an ethical human being is to be in the habit of openly telling the truth…even when it might make him/her look bad. Why isn’t the truth spoken more often? Well, the writer below has openly written out of her heart-mind about the trust vs. mistrust issues in her romantic relationship. Is she trying to control the man in her life? Do you have the courage to write such self-revealing things that can be judged or laughed at? Would you have the gumption to talk openly about these vulnerable feelings with your partner? You might think better of telling the truth when your partner throws an angry fit or tantrum in response. Sometimes, telling the truth hurts. Sometimes, the truth messenger is killed while the truth message remains unheard.

THE ‘DEAR JOHN LETTER’ FROM A DEVOTED READER

“Dear John,

When the spoken word fails me, when I am unable to articulate my words, I always seem to choose to write. Writing has always been one of my strengths and a source of comfort. I also like it because you, the receiver, are able to read (or reread) the letter, based on your moods and feelings, not mine.

You have been weighing heavy on my heart and also, in my thoughts. A couple weeks ago I tried to tell you that I could no longer be your friend, lover or have a relationship with you because of your continued lies, deceit and manipulation. We argued about the definition of lies and deception and didn’t really come to any clear understanding, or at least I don’t think so. But what I have come to realize is that I have told many lies to myself to live your lie. And for that I will accept full responsibility.

The lie I told myself: I am a much better, healthier, loving woman than John’s ex-wife so he would not treat me like he treated her.
Truth: John, at times, treats me exactly as he treated his ex-wife. There is no difference.

The lie I told myself: Once John is able to experience honest, sincere, genuine mature love and friendship with me then that will allow him to see how healthy, growing, loving relationships should be and he will reciprocate.
Truth: John has not reciprocated in like kind.

The lie I told myself: When John realizes how much his actions hurt me, he will stop those actions.
Truth: John will not change his actions for me.

The lie I told myself: John needs the support, encouragement and love from me to help him beat his compulsive habit, self-defeating behavior, obsession, pattern, addiction or whatever it is called.
Truth: John makes choices and decisions that reflect the ultimate in self-indulgence, self-centeredness and epitomizes the one-way talk and relationship street he claims to despise.

The lie I told myself: Since John is terrific to me 95% of the time, what could be so bad if 5% is miserable?
Truth: 5% of lies, deceit and disguised manipulations is not good.

The lie I told myself: John can learn to live with compromises that trouble the soul and make you suffer and call it love.
Truth: Suffering is not love.

The lie I told myself: If John says his newest relationship is business and not personal, then I’m sure it’s all business.
Truth: The relationship started as business but crossed over the line into personal, too. If he won’t tell me about having a drink or a lunch or a dinner, he will not tell me when things heat up.

The lie I told myself: The past is over.
Truth: The past continues to drive John and haunt him. When you make the same choices, you can’t ever get past the past.

The lie I told myself: If the package is beautifully wrapped, its contents will be fabulous.
Truth: The packaging doesn’t tell you anything about what’s inside. The outside can be beautiful and the inside ugly.

The lie I told myself: If you believe in the same God, you’ll share the same values.
Truth: Values are what you live, not what you believe.

The lie I told myself: Trust can always be rebuilt from the ashes…you can get over anything if you just work hard enough.
Truth: You can’t be happy, joyful, contented, confident, respecting, open, at-ease or relaxed when you live the lie that we can’t trust one another.

And the last lie I told myself: If John and I don’t have a close, connected loving relationship he will really miss me and my kids, too.
Truth: John…YOU will simply “erase” me – from your cell phone, from your address book, from your night time and weekend activities, from our circle of friends, from your sex life, from your family, from sharing work milestones and moments, from your life and you will replace me with another woman and a new life.

WEIGHING HEAVY ON THE HEART-MIND

So now you’ve heard from a beloved Dr. O’Grady reader who wrote the open letter about feelings to her romantic partner. Their relationship was distressed by untruths. Both partners are intelligent and caring individuals and have been going together for many years. Should she send the letter or show it to her partner? NO, I don’t think so. The letter will be met with a response of open hostility, hatred, loud barking, a commanding attitude and extreme insecurity. The truth in this case (based on past exercises of like kind) is that this message just won’t go anywhere productive.

SEX, LIES AND LOVE: WHY I PRAY FOR THOSE WHO KNOW EVERYTHING

A positive psychology mentor of mine is fond of saying: “I pray for those who know everything…and I pray for those who don’t!” In my opinion, more help is needed by the first group than the second one. Truth-tellers admit that they don’t know even half of anything…and in that struggle find more truth revealed to them. So what have we learned from living a life of lies or half-truths?

1. Lies create mistrust
2. Mistrust creates interpersonal distance
3. Interpersonal distance creates stagnation and boredom
4. Boredom and emotional disconnect can douse the fires of love and passion
5. When the fire burns low we are at risk for looking around for better talk opportunities
6. In short, dishonesty creates a life of lies, deceit and unending psychodramas that you need about as bad as a hole in the heart or head

THE CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIP: THE QUIET DISGUISED MANIPULATION AND CONTROL OF THE EMOTIONAL TONE OF A RELATIONSHIP

I’m made a strong case that control is the opposite of love. Control creates anger, frustration and hate. The harder you try to control others, the “behinder” you will get in your heartfelt goals and aspirations. In contrast, the harder you try to manage your own moods and issues, the ‘ah-header’ you will get in your personal growth and healing. I’ve written in “Talk to Me” convincingly that there are three types of relationship: Loving, Controlling, Friendship. Which one are you in today?

YOUR WORD IS YOUR BOND: WHEN YOUR WORD ISN’T ANY GOOD, YOU FEEL GOOD FOR NOTHING

When you or I lie, whether in direct or indirect ways, we eerily and unerringly destroy trust, confidence and respect in whether or not we can be the trusted leader of trusting and need-filled followers. Now no one is ever perfect, BUT without trust, confidence and respect then we have no relationships – friend, business associate, beloved extended family member, brother or sister or lover. As proof: In my article “The Rule of Good Leadership” I succinctly state: “When you are the leader of your own life…you do what you say you’re going to do in about the same time frame you say you are going to do it in.”

WHAT TO SAY TO THE LIAR IN YOUR LIFE?

When you ignore an Elephant-size lie, chances are that you’re bound to wake up some day in a dust cloud created by an Elephant Stampede of Stress. It’s not your fault. Have you become a co-liar…pushing the truth under the hallway carpet, hoping not to trip on it? Untruths keep things swirling and stirred up. Distortions disrupt intimacy. A quiet disguised manipulation or “quiet control” of the emotional tone of a relationship kills love a little at a time. You have no other choice than to tell yourself the truth about the liar in your life…especially when that liar in your life is YOU.

Even when a temper tantrum is thrown around the communicator table…tell the truth without casting stones of blame. It’s the only sane way to live a life of love in a world riddled with hate-filled miscommunication.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady, whose mother taught him a thing or two about lying, promotes emotional truth-telling and keeping one’s word to better deal with difficult realities in his new book “Talk To Me.” His message: Don’t give up hope quite yet, because hope is here! Getting out of the emotional swamp we find ourselves in, surrounded by alligators and getting eaten alive by big bugs, requires the faith to feel anything and tell the truth without blaming anyone.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching, relationship communication facilitation and professional development training in Ohio and surrounding states.

Life is both difficult and wonderful, and that’s probably why someone invented the saying, “It’s always something.” But how often are we unwitting contributors to our own life crises by what we fail to do? In a previous article, I wrote about “the elephant in the room”… namely, a small problem that has become a large one—one that we largely try to ignore through denial. In our denial, we become accustomed to stepping around the elephant, stopping the smell by sticking a clothes pin on our nose, dressing up the beast to look less beast-like, or dousing the unwanted pachyderm in our board room or living room with perfume. Yes, ignoring a problem can feel so good…SO secure…SO-O safe, just before the elephants stampede!

GOT TO BE MR. OR MS. FEELGOOD?

What “elephant in the room” are you trying to ignore? Come on…you know what it is! Have mercy: The reason you and I are so fond of denial is because ignoring a problem (that needs resolving) makes us feel good. But the short-term gain of “feeling good” comes with a hidden price of perpetuated problems or blaming the wrong “problem person” for our woes. The power to change is IN YOU! So why trip up or crash into the elephant, then exclaim in mock surprise: “But I didn’t see it coming…it came out of the blue like a lightning bolt!”

ANONYMOUS NEW INSIGHTS COMMUNICATION POLL ON “THE DENIAL EXCUSE”

Since you aren’t a dunce, you know ignoring a problem DOES feel good, but it also causes you eventually to get caught in a stampede of stress—one that risks your being trampled to death. What good does it do anyone when you feel flat as a pancake? By the way, one of the reasons I prefer “anonymous” Web polls is that responders aren’t prone to telling an interviewer what they want to hear. There is a freedom to tell the truth no matter how pretty or ugly that personal truth happens to be. So I asked my readers at www.drogrady.com what issue they are currently trying hard to ignore or to sweep under the carpet. Although throwing a rug over a stinky elephant seems quite silly, we all do it at one time or another in our work and personal lives.

WHAT ELEPHANT-SIZE PROBLEM ARE YOU CURRENTLY TRYING TO IGNORE?

Here are the results of the poll that asked: “What elephant-size problem are you currently trying to ignore, hoping it will vanish?” Results are in descending order:

1) Solving a family issue………………..35.29%

2) Personal problem or bad habit…………29.41%

3) A lousy boss…………………….17.65%

4) An unfocused negative co-worker(s)………. 11.76%

5) Need to fire/hire someone at work…………5.88%

6) Bad mood of managing team……………….0.00%

FAMILY AND PERSONAL ISSUES LEAD THE STAMPEDE

Well, here’s even more confirmation that our work behavior is driven by emotions more than logic. And we all bring our personal issues to work and try to manage our intense feelings as we go about our work day. It makes me wonder how many of us are hanging by a thin emotional thread as we competently sit in our meetings and respond to phone messages or e-mail. Indeed, a great deal of emotion swirls around as we try to move through our days effectively and solve problems at work. A stress pipeline flows between home and work and back to home again.

DO YOU HAVE PERSONAL ISSUES?

Who among us doesn’t have personal issues? According to this survey, 64.70% of daily stress that fills up our minds with questions, doubts and anxieties stems from family or personal issues that probably mix together potently. I’m not making excuses here, but how are we supposed to be able to concentrate on complex problem-solving tasks that require a “free mind” when our emotions are swirling around like a rain-swollen river hitting against a dam? Not easy, to be sure. I know, I know. We’re supposed to leave our personal and family issues at home and I suppose the true professional can shrug off problems as they walk through the corporate door. And let’s think thrice: The leaders that we depend on to offer calm in the midst of ever-changing business weather conditions or storms are only human, too.

PROBLEM-SOLVING WHEN YOU FEEL BAD AIN’T EASY

You are a capable human being who needs the support of other capable human beings who aren’t in the current stress stampede in which you find yourself. Executive coaches, professional relationship counselors and spiritual advisors get paid to hear your pain and to be in the helicopter above the dusty elephant stampede, radio-ing instructions to you about which direction is safe. Thus, no man or woman is an island…and we all support each other even in the “incidental things we say” that are motivational and inspirational. More than we realize, we all depend upon one another for more encouragement. Feeling good isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, especially during times that ignoring an impending crisis can doom us or cause more serious problems to befall us.

DON’T TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU FEEL WHEN YOU ARE FEELING BAD?

Feeling good is overrated in our world. There is an explicit shaming of emotions and pinning the tail of shame on the human(s) involved instead of the elephant of a problem. But you saw above that team spirit isn’t the problem. You also saw above that needing to hire or fire someone and a lousy boss isn’t really the BIG problem. Sure, we can point the finger of blame at these “people problems,” but they aren’t the problem. The problem is family issues and personal issues that make us feel bad, and in our feeling bad, our performance is compromised and undercut. Often, doing what feels good IS the problem, and choosing to do what makes us feel bad is the solution. It’s reverse psychology in action. That’s why I think “sensitivity training” and “emotional responsibility” are part and parcel of every leadership development package. They’re often the overlooked “small keys” that open the “big doors” of change.

HOW CAN I HELP YOU TODAY?

The purpose in hiring an executive, self-esteem or family relations communication coach is to steady your nerves. It’s priceless, not pricey, because you are then able to center yourself again in order to take tough or difficult decisions—and commit to taking new actions that solve old problems instead of encouraging these elephants to live where they don’t belong. True, effective change doesn’t feel good at the start, but at least you won’t be blind-sided or run over by a stress stampede. Remember this: Feeling good or being an “optimizer” doesn’t mean that an elephant-sized stress is going to disappear anytime soon through some Houdini magic act. Encourage yourself to “feel bad,” because feeling bad is brave and encourages you to make “baby steps” to solve a problem (one you are going to eventually trip over anyway) …one that can break your leg and even your life and spirit.

After all, life is supposed to be both difficult and wonder-full.

ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady thinks if it looks like an elephant, smells like an elephant and moves like an elephant, then it certainly is an elephant, and if he could, he’d administer that elephant a test to find out if it’s an Empathizer or Instigator elephant! He’s also the author of Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, and founder of New Insights Communication.

Previous New Insights Communication Polls have included “What Makes A Good Leader Great?” … “Does Your Attitude Work To Make You A Better Leader?” … “What’s Up With Your Confidence Level?” … “When You Argue, Are You Always Right?” … “Are You Shy or Stuck Up?”… “How Do You Handle Anger?”…“Are Men or Women Better Communicators?” “How Easily Are You Frustrated?” Read more about these challenging, growth producing topics, and other topics of personal and relationship interest here four minutes every day of the week to make change happen fast and last.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional development training in Ohio and surrounding states.