When your lover treats you to the same benign neglect as an old rusty car in the local junkyard, you know that positive talks on the two-way communicator highway have come to a screeching halt. Moreover, when a partner glibly says, “BUT I didn’t know things were this bad!”…you are bound to feel enormous dread, anxiety, loss of control and building frustration. No one, after all, likes to feel like a discarded heap of scrap slated for recycling in the relationship world.
Communication Interruptus: 12 Stupid Things That Stifle And Kill Communication
When was the last time a talker repeatedly cut you off in mid-sentence to make a point again and again…and ended up losing points with you instead? Communication shut-downs and relationship meltdowns are routinely caused by interruptions. Pushing a communicator away in mid-sentence, before the person has a chance to finish their thought and feel relaxed, is something I refer to jokingly as “communication interruptus.”
INTERRUPTING TALK
Interrupters disrupt effective and open communication. By talking out of turn, interrupters cause unnecessary friction and irritation. Moreover, interrupters don’t summarize the topic at hand so that communication can continue to move freely down the talk road. Likewise, some people try to disrupt or interrupt a conversation by talking louder and louder in hopes of drowning out their partner, which is akin to crunching too loudly while chewing; it gets quite irritating quite fast.
Single Parents Love Lives
“Mr. Mom” Jim Debrosse, in the Dayton Daily News, sensitively and humorously discusses if there can be sex and/or love after divorce for the single mom or dad…and what to say to children and teens about s-e-x. It’s a hot topic with few easy answers!
WHY SINGLE PARENTS LEAD SECRET LOVE LIVES
Single parents from time to time have asked me, “Mr. Mom, is there s-e-x after d-i-v-o-r-c-e?”
To which I unequivocally reply, “How the heck would I know?”
But seriously, there are no simple answers when it comes to sex and the single parent, unless you’re willing, as some are, to check your libido into a convent or monastery until the day your youngest child leaves the nest, usually when he or she is 25 and you’re too old to be much interested in sex anyway.
Custodial parents face a series of obstacles in rediscovering their love life that, if applied to Marine boot camp, would lead to mass desertions.
Guilt Factoids
Guilt bombs make you hold onto negative opinions about yourself. “I don’t want anybody to be mad at me or dislike me so I don’t make waves!” … “I hate to hurt somebody’s feelings!”… “I can’t stand it when anyone is upset at me!” Those negative thoughts encourage you to soak up guilt like a sponge and require you to major in interpersonal miscommunications. Are you TOO good at guilt for your own good? Shahzam.
When you permit others to make up your mind about you, everyone’s in trouble. “You can guilt me into doing anything!” makes you feel as if you’re not good enough to be loved as you are. Some weighty but little-known guilt factors:
Guilt Complex
Guilt works in a twisted way. Those who should feel guilty often don’t give the possibility a second thought, and those who have nothing whatsoever to feel guilty about often get stuck in a tar baby of guilt. Guilt feels like a weight on your shoulders, a weight that drags you down to drown in ill-advised actions and keeps you at arm’s length from enjoying your life.
Guilt bombers are people who shamelessly push to get their way at your expense. They are shame advocates of: “I can get what I want by making you feel guilty!” Guilt bombers succeed at what they do because tossing guilt bombs at others work very well to make you comply, make you easy to manipulate, and make you say “yes” when you want to say “no.”
Guilt on the interpersonal stage causes lashing out, bickering about money, unfair fights, downer moods and relationship plights. Guilt and shame scenarios make the very people who positively love us run off and hide. Guilt bombing zaps the energy from true love and inhibits intimate sex. Ah, how we clutch unto an anchor of guilt and sputter while we drown.
You don’t deserve to let guilt blow up your self-esteem or weigh you down, because doing so can make you depressed…or depressing to be around.
Dayton communications psychologist, Dr. Dennis O’Grady, has some help with tips for us all who want to improve our communication skills and become more approachable. He promotes positive relationship moves to stop being manipulated by guilt trippers and let go of unearned guilt and shame. Dr. O’Grady has a new psychology book aimed at better communicating, “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone,” available on his Web site for $39.95.