Posts in category: POSITIVE ATTITUDE

You’re How Many Years YOUNG?
Do you limit yourself unfairly because of age or other nonsense? Do you incorrectly think that just because you’ve been doing something for a very long time that you cannot change or improve? Say it just ain’t so!

Our contributor below is a petite, 50-something female, who has the courage to change and demonstrate why even “old” dogs can learn new tricks.

Finally, I made it!

I was recently training for my fourth-degree black belt test, and as I looked back over the years of training, I wondered if I was really ready. Of 13 total years of training, I’ve spent 9 years as a black-belt instructor and 7 years teaching Asian weaponry. I’ve won tournaments and endured various injuries over the years. The problem is that years have passed and I’m starting to feel the effects of age slowing my movements and reducing my speed and endurance. After all, I’m 50 years old now.

Then I realized that I was letting a cloud of negativity surround my thoughts, hopes and ambitions. So what did I do? I read my favorite meditation by Dr. O’Grady. I have Dr. O’Grady’s “Meditation for Success” on my desk to help me through difficult times at work, and I realized that I needed to apply these principles to my meditation and preparation for the test as well.

To be successful for this test meant being a real person and working through the difficulties, using everything that I had. I had to be brave and step out in the face of danger and uncertainty. I had to work through my nervousness and jitters. I had trained enough, I was skilled, and I was brave enough to do this. I had to be honest with myself and take into consideration my age and injuries, and then I had to make a decision concerning just how much I was willing to risk to complete this test. I’m 50, I’m human…BUT I’m the best I can be at 50 years old.

Anyway, I passed the test, and my grandmaster instructor commented on how rare it is for someone my age, and someone who had started out so late in life to study martial arts, to be so skilled and dedicated. I had to THINK success, LIVE success and BREATHE success for this to have happened…and it did!

So what do YOU think? Are you letting “a cloud of negativity surround YOUR thoughts, hopes and ambitions” because of age-limited thinking? Do you dare to be self-approving? Do you positively believe that “I’m 50…I’m human…BUT I’m the best I can be at 50 years old!”

It’s up to you. You can pump up your heart-mind with encouragers…or you can choose to listen to old negative tapes that stop your efforts before you really start rolling.

A Mind Is A Precious Thing To Misplace
Who might be filling your “dear little ear with hate and fear?” Are you thinking your own thoughts and coming to your own conclusions based upon your life learning experiences, or are you regurgitating rhetorical prejudices fed to you? If you’re not busy minding your own mind…someone else will…and it may not always be good for you.

Communication Rules: Do you choose to be driven crazy today by people who don’t want to change? No one can drive you up a wall or keep you there without your ascent! Rappel yourself back down a miscommunication wall knowing only you can change yourself. Make up your own mind about yourself. Disallow others from putting downer words into your mouth and frowner thoughts into your mind.

Talk Sense to Yourself: When mud is slung say to yourself: “I’m NOT going to let you drive me up a wall!”

Talk Up: “Fixating on fault doesn’t fix anything!”
Talk Back: “Blame doesn’t produce anything useful!”
Talk Straight: “I can only change myself!”

Dare to be self-approving!
Care as much (or more) about what you think about you and your life choices as what you fear others may think of you. Are you minding your own mind? If not, you will be under the influence of “I’m not good enough!” After all, YOU are the expert and final judge when it comes to knowing who you are and what you stand for. Aren’t you?

Are you allowing someone to drive you up a wall and down again? There’s no need to stay constantly or chronically upset by a nemesis who has long ago forgotten about you.

Communication Rules: Treat yourself to the kindnesses you expect others to show you. Allowing anyone to constantly upset you DISTRACTS you from focusing on the personal changes, goal attainments or energy choices YOU need to make.

Talk Sense to Yourself: Miracles of change can can do happen, don’t they? Replace “They’re driving me crazy!” with “Hey, I’m allowing them to drive me crazy!” or “I reserve the right to drive myself crazy, thanks very much!” Disallow anyone from playing all of those mind games with you.

If you’re not in control of your mind…what you focus on and what you choose to let go of…then who is?

It’s NOT so hard to change hardening of the attitudes.
When you’re fed up with feeling down, there are ways that you can talk to yourself that will build back up your confidence. But nothing kills progress or open communication faster than close-minded attitudes that box a person into a comfortable or so-called secure “known zone” that is both stifling and claustrophobic.

Hard attitudes are everywhere, such as: “There’s nothing I can do about IT!”…”THEY’RE driving me crazy!”…”I can’t change because I’m too SHY!”

Got attitude? Here’s the reality: all of life is a series of choices regarding how you will respond to yourself and others when you’re feeling afraid due to a loss of control.

The paradox: The harder you try to control people or a situation…the less effective and satisfied you will be…and the less positive feedback you will receive from your world. Hard attitudes keep you stuck in that paradox.

Interpersonally sensitive communicators, called Empathizer-type communicators, can inadvertently take on others’ problems, anger luggage and negative energy. Do you ever need to be more “thick-skinned” when immature comments are made about you, your decisions, performance or your motivations?

DETACHING FROM THE ENERGY DRAINS, THE CONSTANT TALK, TALK, TALK AND THE GUILT SMOKESCREENS LOBBED AT YOU

Our reader below uses a self-talk “communication trade secret” tool called: “IT’s NOT my stuff!” to set healthy interpersonal boundaries in the workplace. Might this same tool work for you?

Hi Dennis,

Do you know why it’s “not my stuff?” It’s all a matter of ownership. It’s not mine because I did not create it, buy it, borrow it or in any way make IT come into existence.

No amount of pleading or projection can make it mine, UNLESS and this is the caveat, I choose to care about it. When a boss or coworker cannot access my energy in an authentic way, I see that she or he are trying to hook into my empathetic nature.

Ironic twist of truth that I am more motivated for each of them to care about themselves than they seem to be. Your phrasing of that point caused me to examine my part in my interactions with them. Caring less doesn’t mean I don’t care, it simply means I choose to care to a point then accept the other’s right to self-determination.

Making my mark everyday and asking myself what I am appointed to do put the focus back on me. That’s the point. My unique ability to care is what I get to “bring to the table” everyday, it’s my mark. It also means I get to choose when I detach from the energy drains, the constant talk, talk, talk and the guilt smokescreens lobbed to me so I will feel sorry for those folks.

Dennis, I appreciate the opportunity you have “assigned” me, it is helpful to me to put into words what I have floating around in my mind and soul as I reflect on what we discuss. I’m looking forward to reading the article you referred to on Monday.

It’s just after ten and I have already used my self-talk…”It’s NOT my stuff!” twice this morning. Heck, I’m getting good at this!

Sincerely,

“Why let IT eat at ME…IT’s NOT my stuff!”