Posts in category: POSITIVE ATTITUDE

Same song, different day? “Same old sh**…just a different day!” is a crass way to express this cross sentiment: “I let my negative attitude be in the driver’s seat, and drive away with my mood, and drive people away from me to boot.” A person with a bad attitude isn’t aware that his or her bad attitude is the stink in the room that makes everyone’s nose sorry to be in the business of smelling.

WHAT MAKES YOUR ATTITUDE STINK TO HIGH HEAVEN?

A person with a negative attitude doesn’t think of him- or herself as being negative at all, much less too negative for the good of your relationship. Here are communication instances of “negatalking” that are instant energy drainers and mood downers.

1. IT’S NOT MY JOB. A negative attitude that rationalizes being lazy and fearful of going the extra (s)mile.

2. I DIDN’T GET TO IT. Preferring procrastination to productivity. Inwardly smiling when someone gets exasperated who was needing your help.

3. I EXPECTED MORE FROM YOU. Blaming another person for refusing to do what you typically don’t gladly do.

4. I DON’T HAVE TIME TO TALK RIGHT NOW. Skipping out of the town of Talk because you are too important and too busy to find time right now to.

5. WHY CAN’T YOU THINK OF THE GOOD STUFF? Making someone feel bad about feeling bad. Kicking someone who is in the middle of being angry at the self.

6. WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO CHANGE WHEN YOU DON’T? Forgetting about good personal changes you are wise to make, because your nemesis unwisely prohibits making personal changes.

7. WHY DON’T YOU CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE? Declaring that changing one’s attitude or mood altitude is as easy as snapping your fingers to adjust your in-flight course.

8. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST FORGET ABOUT IT? Verbally punishing someone for failing to forget what was done to them that they didn’t like then or now.

9. YOU’VE GOT TO TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF. This is a one-up put-down of the personal struggle of another who is trying to manage a mood without resorting to compulsive use of yelling, alcohol, overwork or a obsessively negative attitude.

10. YOU’RE THINKING TOO MUCH. Translated, this means that you aren’t thinking the way I want you to think, so I am uncomfortable with your “free thinking style” that leads to anarchy and mayhem.

11. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING. This is an accusation that you can’t understand the musings of really intelligent people who comprehend all.

12. NOW, I’M NOT BRAGGING BUT… This is the beginning of a boring string of braggart statements that indiciate a person has a supersized ego and excessive self-esteem.

13. WHY DO YOU SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE FOOT? O.K. you’ve got me here. You may have shot yourself in the foot, but did this speaker give you the loaded gun to do the dirty deed?

14. YOUR TRYING TO TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT. Shoot, just getting out of a relationship with a difficult person is really hard work and can take years.

15. YOU’RE OBSESSED. What’s wrong being obsessed with the truth, and for standing up for non-hurtful emotional honesty in relationships, for God’s sake?

16. YOU’VE GOT TO DO BETTER THAN THAT. If you’re a difficult person people pleaser, “You’ve got to do better!” will really make you a goat on a rope who’s humping hard to please.

17. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO OVER-REACT? You could as easily say, “Why do you always have to under-react? If you react more…I’ll react less.”

18. NOTHING MAKES YOU HAPPY. Now that’s the truth. No-thing makes you happy because you are the only one who can make yourself happy. And you make yourself happy by being you in spite of all the pressures trying to twist you into a human pretzel.

19. YOU CAN’T WIN FOR LOSING. Well, you win sometimes, lose sometimes and break even much of the time but that has nothing to do with feeling like a self-respecting winner.

Are you among the in-group of died-in-the-wool super-realists who can’t be taken in by the utter foolishness and mindless frolic of optimists? Bully for you!

YOUR ATTITUDE IS YOUR JOB

Now in my experience as a keynote speaker and professional psychologist, positive people really do feel sappy and crappy. In fact, being mind- and heart-open means you get hurt far more deeply and completely…and the same goes for love. But I know that you have a positive place of compassionate understanding in your heart for YOU, too.

• Your attitude is your job because …
• You have time for whatever you consider important to do…
• You get around to all things important…
• You expect little of others and most from yourself…
• You are trustworthy and believable and caring…
• You freely change what isn’t working for you…
• You follow through on your promises…
• You daily change your attitude from negative to positive…
• You are taking better care of yourself as we speak…
• You don’t worry too much about nothin’…
• You think plenty of the good stuff to get your happy back…
• You forget about people and painful situations you can’t change…
• You deeply understand and comprehend what other people are saying…
• You have common sense and uncommon wisdom…
• You’re thinking and feeling in just the right amounts…
• You don’t play with loaded guns much less shoot yourself in the foot…
• You keep it simple and don’t eschew taking an easy street to travel to your destination…
• You’re obsessed with improving your communication skills…
• You are responsive instead of reactive…
• You respect yourself and others equally.

WHEN THE BATTERY IN YOUR COMMUNICATOR CAR NEEDS RECHARGING

As a great communicator, you realize that the positive attitude battery in your communicator car needs to be recharged when times are tough and fear makes you feel wound tight. Especially when you turn the ignition over and your car doesn’t start…talk positively to yourself using the positive affirmations above.

ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a keynote speaker, professional psychologist, father of three daughters, President-Elect of the Dayton Psychological Association, Clinical Professor at the Wright State School of Professional Psychology, executive coach and relationship counselor and author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone.”

What makes a difficult person so hard to talk to and get along with?

Is it something about you that makes the communication process so difficult, something you are doing too much of, or something you are doing too little of? Are you somehow not good enough, because the difficult person is constantly dissatisfied with you and harping on your supposed shortcomings? Seems we’ve all been blistered, hurt and burnt by a difficult person who wields a torch of anger to light up our life.

OPEN VS. CLOSED COMMUNICATION: I BLOW MY TOP … I KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT

Lashing out at others angrily or keeping your mouth shut (and thus turning your frustrations on yourself) aren’t what a positive mental attitude is all about. Positive energy is what a positive attitude is all about! At a recent Dayton Psychological Association meeting, one psychologist said: “I’ve heard it all about the positive attitude thing, but you can have a positive attitude and still sit on your laurels, and not get anything worthwhile done.” Well, that’s not true. You CAN like yourself and get things done when your attitude is open or closed … and your energy is flowing or blocked, independent of the attitude you keep. The choice is up to you, isn’t it?

NEW INSIGHTS COMMUNICATION POLL RESULTS

So I decided to ask our readers if difficult people are coming out of the woodwork, and what in particular do difficult people share in common? “What makes people so difficult to get along with at work or home?” was the question…and these are the results:

1. BAD ATTITUDE…….46.34%

2. NEVER WRONG…….17.07%

3. USES EXCUSES & SMOKESCREENS…..17.07%

4. DOESN’T LISTEN………14.63%

5. INCOMPETENT………2.44%

6. ACTS CHILDISH…….2.44%

In short, a bad attitude is protecting self-pride at the expense of the pleasures of communicating.

TOWARDS DEFINING A BAD ATTITUDE

What makes up a bad attitude? In my way of thinking, a bad attitude is characterized by talking negatively to self and others…by never being in the wrong…by using excuses and smokescreens to avoid changing…by the habitual ways you bring a relationship to its knees with negatalking.

WHY DOES A CRUMMY ATTITUDE MAKE A CRAPPY COMMUNICATOR?

A person with a bad attitude isn’t aware that his/her bad attitude is the stink in the room that makes everyone’s nose regret being good at smelling. Some key symptoms of a bad attitude:

• Self-worth is low
• Nothing good is ever going to come of anything new
• People are just out for themselves and don’t really care for others
• Communication is fuzzy, indirect, blaming, scheming, distorted, not really honest or open
• Inflexible and rigid in thinking
• Problems aren’t solved and change isn’t embraced freely
• Pleasure and enjoying life are suspect since hard work is Heavenly
  
• Power plays and passive-aggressive paybacks are common to force one’s agenda on another person against his or her will
  
• Compulsively doing things as they’ve always been done, even when relationships are destroyed in the process
  
• A superiority-inferiority complex
• Doesn’t listen with two ears
  
• Dehumanizing a talk partner, debunking the spirit
• Playing the elaborate smoke-and-mirrors mind (blame) games
  

THERE’S NO EXPIRATION DATE ON VICTIM TALK

There’s no expiration date on victim talk or victim thinking. Sadly, a person with a bad attitude creates many of the very losses he or she so sorrowfully suffers, and then complains about “IT HAPPENS” to get your sympathy.

WHY NO ONE HAS EVER DIED OF A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

The negative attitude: “I’m always right because you’re the mistake who’s always in the wrong!” crucifies good (effective, productive, change-producing) talk. As it should be, the choice of your attitude is up to you. You will hear that positive attitude is related to better health, success at work, relationship survival. Many relationships have died as a result of a negative attitude…many unnecessary funerals and losses have been attended. Life is a two-sided coin; difficult and delicious.

LIFE IS DIFFICULT

I often remark on the opening line from M. Scott Peck’s book “The Road Less Traveled.” He said stunningly to open this best seller, simply: “Life is difficult.” Dr. Peck also was very open about how he wrestled with depression, and his self-esteem thrown to the mat in spite of his culture-changing books.

MAY YOUR SORROWS BE SMALL

When you refuse to change instead preferring to be difficult, you put positive people in a box. Every box is belittling to your soul…it seeks to make you “less than” you naturally are. And you are more than your gender, age, communicator type. But perhaps the really “poor people” in our world are those among us (including you and me) who suffer from a poverty-stricken attitude. Safer perhaps; but unnecessarily sorrow-filled.

ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady stands for open and honest communication, growing and changing against the odds, learning something new every day, getting better at what you’re passionate about, making your life focus on giving instead of getting more for doing and being less. Dennis stands for being yourself in a world that seems to be doing everything in its power to turn you into a cardboard cut out. He is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone” and is a conference keynote speaker on effective communication, dealing with depression and change management. Since you and your spirit can’t be contained or pigeonholed, give life everything you’ve got…use all your talents without embarrassment or shame…treat people decently…move through the world with your head up…get the important things done first…let your soul be larger than the universe.

PREVIOUS RESULTS OF NEW INSIGHTS COMMUNICATION POLLS

Other New Insights Communication polls:  Personality Clashes or Communication Crashes? …  “What’s The Toughest Emotion You Wrestle With?” … “Are You An Optimistic Driver On The Two-Way Communication Highway?” … “The Elephant Stampede” … “What Makes A Good Leader Great?” … “Does Your Attitude Work To Make You A Better Leader?” … “What’s Up With Your Confidence Level?” … “When You Argue, Are You Always Right?” … “Are You Shy or Stuck Up?”… “How Do You Handle Anger?”…“Are Men or Women Better Communicators?” “How Easily Are You Frustrated?”

As a communications trainer for organizations and companies, and a veteran marital and family psychologist, I’ve heard tremendous accounts of altruism, praiseworthy efforts in the face of defeat, unexpected successes and unbelievable turnabouts that defy all scientific logic when good communication is welcomed and the winds of change are embraced. That’s why I say as a motivational speaker: “Good talk isn’t cheap but priceless!” … “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth then pull its teeth!” … “The grass is always greenest where you take care of it!” “Thanks to YOU…our world is a far better place!”

BUT I’M NOT BEING THANKFUL ENOUGH

Whenever you say, “But I complain too much and I should be more thankful for what I’ve got!” you lose that loving feeling that makes the world go ’round. What I’ve also heard once too often is, “I didn’t appreciate what I had until it was gone!” It doesn’t have to be that way. Thanksgiving is a day to appreciate who you are and how you feel in context with loving who you are and the life you leading. Thus, Thanksgiving comes every day of the year!

THE MEALTIME BLESSING

The mealtime blessing is a way to appreciate what you’ve got and where it came from. Take a few moments to give thanks before digging into the scrumptious meal awaiting you:

We give thanks for our children, and the child in all of us, who can never be stopped from growing and changing.

We give thanks to one another for standing behind us when, as individuals, we might have failed to find the courage to stand up for ourselves.

We give thanks for the little things each of us has done to encourage politeness, niceness, caring, respect and dignity in our home.

We give thanks for the special intimacy that exists between husband and wife, and hope that the fire of this romance will always burn bright.

We give thanks for our adolescents’ and young adults’ aspirations, ambitions and realistic plans to improve their lives and add to our family heritage.

We give thanks for our health and the health of our elder family members, from whose wisdom we benefit daily.

We give thanks for neighbors who lend a helping hand when unexpected problems crop up.

We give thanks for America, a prosperous and proud country that pays the cost of our freedom.

We give thanks for the diversity of people who populate this vast planet.

We give thanks for the life we have together and the life we add back into our communities.

We warmly give thanks to one another seated around this table and enjoy partaking of this meal in the spirit of abiding respect and love.

These are but a few of the marvelous blessings I know you appreciate and feast on every day of the year. Celebrate your life!

THANKS TO YOU

Communicate, change, grow and give thanks. Because THANKS TO YOU…our world is a far better place!

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a keynote speaker and author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.” Dennis lives and works in Dayton, Ohio, and is a husband and father of three daughters in addition to being a licensed clinical psychologist.

I recently spoke at a workshop for a medical group of managers who are members of the “energy-building camaraderie” organization called the Miami Valley Medical Group Management Association. The meeting was held at the NCR Country Club and my keynote speech was on the topic of “Depression in the Workplace.” Essentially, I covered ways to pump up the flat tire of a bad mood…AND how to do all those “little” things that net a huge reward called a better mood.

UNCOMMON WISDOM AND COMMON SENSE

There is uncommon wisdom in every group I have the honor to work with, real people like you and me who make a living in “the real business world” of promoting good mental and physical health without making the patient feel bad in the process. To avoid burning out, caregivers must first care for self…especially when energy for good deeds burns low. Effective communication with self is a prerequisite to good communication with others. What role model do you offer to others when you take your own gold (good) advice and do a little something to make your day a little bit more positive?

• You’re only human
• Your energy is finite
• Putting “energy in” into self will work wonders when you feel down
• You can do small good deeds for yourself even when you don’t feel up to it
• Getting mad at yourself or blaming others keeps you down in the pits
  
• Losing hope at times happens to the best of us
• Mourning your losses helps you to climb out of a hole of depression you might have dug for yourself
  

Let’s keep it simple! Great things come to those who don’t wait to change what they need to change in order to feel better — namely a bad attitude that sucks pears. Love of self is a prerequisite to loving and caring for your neighbor.

YOU TOO CAN PUMP UP YOUR MOOD

The MVAGMA tear- and laughter-filled workshop included guffaws, doing the wave, applause, finger-snapping and toe tapping and the sending out of “positive finger vibrations” to our fellow caregivers. At the end, I asked this simple, single question to attendees: “What can you say or do to pump up your mood when you’re feeling down?” Here are the private written comments that comprise the MVAGMA group wisdom:

Remember, you DO really make a difference.

Spend the same amount of energy being positive.

I’m happy to get out of bed…consider the alternative.

Whooo…I’ll start my own personal “wave” for one.

I am a great person!

You are important.

I am a good person and people depend on me.

Take your blinders off–don’t just look at the dirty road ahead, look at the beauty all around you.

God will not give me more than I can handle.

Get over it. You are using up too much energy on the negative…shift all that energy to the positive. Even the smallest positive task will do.

Let’s get something healthy to eat, get a bath and use that new body scrub and lotion, and then let’s get a great night’s sleep.

I can look up at the sky and dream, because the sky is the limit.

God help me deal with this problem today.

Stop it and get the job done.

You are a kind, loving person who deserves to be loved in return.

Put on your big-girl panties…and deal with it!

You are valued! And you have made a difference in many people’s lives.

There are too many positive things in my life to be down, and too many things to focus on.

I love you!

I’m doing the best I can for me and others.

Shake it off!

You bring value to others — deal with your issues and go on!

I can positively impact others. I bring value to the relationships in my life.

It could always be worse.

I am so lucky to have the life I have, the family I have, the job and co-workers I have. I’m a real lucky girl!

You are a good person — look at all the good in your life.

I have positively made it through obstacles before — and I will make it through this.

God doesn’t make junk!

Stop feeling down and pick yourself up by figuring out how to help yourself.

This too shall pass — I am smart (good) and I can get out of this — tomorrow is another day.

GET YOUR HAPPY BACK

Doing “little” nice things for yourself when you feel down is the best way to pump up your mood in big ways “little by little.” Be “The Little Engine That Could” and keep moving forward, even when you don’t have the energy to. Be determined to get your happy back…and really, REALLY be nice to yourself when you are feeling down and blue.

If you aren’t of a mind to be kind and loving to yourself in little ways…then who else can you count on to do what you aren’t willing to? And if people do give you positive vibes, will you be able to accept it?

YOU ARE A MIRACLE WORKER, WHETHER YOU’RE AN EMPATHIZER OR INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR

If you are “too sensitive,” you can do tiny positive things for yourself to pick up your spirits. Empathizer communicators who put energy into the self instead of having the life sucked out of them through a big straw “get over it” faster. In contrast, if you are “too insensitive,” you can SAY positive things to others (and self) that will put energy into the very relationships that support you when you’re feeling bad. Talking positively and accurately to yourself (and others) really does work wonders if you want to feel like a victor instead of a victim. Just you try it and see!

THE ONLY FAILURE, IS FAILING TO GET UP AGAIN AFTER YOU’VE BEEN KNOCKED DOWN OR FEEL DRAINED

Still feeling down and blue? Then try this on for size the next time you feel like a big straw is stuck in YOUR skull and the energy being sucked right out of you:

“Even when I try, but fail

And I lose hope

I will find a way to get back up again…somehow

With the grace of my friends and my Maker.

After all, you aren’t a bad person when you feel bad! You can get things done when you feel blue to feel better.

KEYNOTE SPEECHES BY DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone
The Psychology of Good Communication
Taking the Fear Out of Change
What Type Of Leader Are You?
Who Is Paddling Your Canoe?
What Type Of Communicator Are You?
Balancing Your Home & Work Life
Beliefs That ZAP Teamwork
Using Anger Assertively
Overcoming Self-Criticism
Pleasing Yourself, For a Change
Coaching For Accountability
Maximizing Your Communication Skills
Managing Emotional Energy at Work
Overcoming Procrastination
Controlling Negative Emotions
Controlling Perfectionism
Controlling Anxiety
Depression At Work & Home
Conquering The Fear Of Failure
Reducing The Fear Of Success
Stress Management
Using Feedback Effectively
Conflict Management
Positive Customer Relations
Handling Customer Complaints
How to Hire the Right People
Managing Everyday Fears
Games People Play
Self-Rejection
Revenge Boomerangs
Fear Of Change
Life Is Meant To Be Good
The Future Is What We Make Of It (Quality Management)
No Hard Feelings — How To Manage Unhelpful Anger

MORE ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a keynote speaker on the topic of effective communication, change and stress management and mastering your own moods. Dennis is a Dayton, Ohio, workshop consultant, father of three, management trainer and author of the new book “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone.”

The surest route to happiness is to grow, change and take response-ability for creating the life of a “winner.” What type of positive, “can-do” and change-producing attitudes does a winner use?

Winners say, “Yes,” while Losers say, “Yes, but.”
Winners reveal love, while Losers conceal love.
Winners say, “I did,” while Losers say, “I didn’t.”
Winners appreciate, while Losers denigrate.
Winners say, “Now,” while Losers say, “Later.”
Winners persist, while Losers quit.
Winners say, “I love you,” while Losers say, “You must love me.”
Winners give things away, while Losers hoard everything.
Winners say, “I’m sorry,” while Losers say, “You should be ashamed.”
Winners accept others, while Losers judge others.
Winners say, “I’ll do my share,” while Losers say, “Do something for me.”
Winners dare to be out front, while Losers lag behind.
Winners say, “I’m responsible,” while Losers say, “It’s not my fault.”
Winners make something work, while Losers tell you why it won’t work.
Winners say, “I’ll try,” while Losers say, “They won’t let me.”
Winners say, “I owe you,” while Losers say, “You owe me.”
Winners listen to fair criticisms, while Losers block them out.
Winners laugh at themselves, while Losers laugh behind backs.
Winners say, “I can,” while Losers say, “I can’t.”
Winners protect nature, while Losers destroy nature.
Winners say, “Maybe,” while Losers say, “No way.”
Winners have a few close friends, while Losers make a million acquaintances.
Winners say, “Thank you,” while Losers say, “You should be more thankful.”
Winners are open, while Losers put up walls.
Winners say, “I should,” while Losers say, “You should.”
Winners reciprocate, while Losers intimidate.
Winners say, “I like myself,” while Losers say, “You should like me.”
Winners pray thankfully, while Losers pray regretfully–if at all.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a professional keynote speaker and the author of a proven new communications system found in his latest book TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.  He specializes in teaching “positive and effective communication strategies to be the leader of your own life.”