Posts in category: TYPE TALK

No, by “I-Type Kids” I don’t mean children who are too self-involved or kids who are too self-indulged, because every healthy child is self-focused. It’s true, however, that I-type kids can look and sound MEAN, strong-willed, manipulative, mouthy, mean-spirited, the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland, obnoxious, stubborn, pushy, impolite, disrespectful of authority and just downright push-push-push pushing way TOO hard to get their way and while all the time at the same time NOT caring a lick about your hurt feelilngs.

Sometimes, in fact, I-types stomp on others’ feelings like an elephant tromping around in a cornfield made of fine spun and expensive glass. BUT that’s being SO narrow and negative of me, isn’t it? “The I-type child” is my shorthand for “the Instigator-type communicator who is a child,” and one who is either an introvert or an extrovert. This is the “typecasting” approach I’ve developed and use to the good of all in my TALK TO ME communication system.

How do you know if your child is an Instigator child or strong-willed kid who disobeys at the drop of a word? Actually, how WOULDN’T you know? With one of my clients, I constructed a “short list of PREFERRED TALK HABITS.” She’s a positive, single-parent professional mother who is successfully and effectively raising an eight-year-old daughter…also a total Instigator communicator.

We are all addicted to something, whether we own or disown that truth. Addictions include any compulsive behavior such as drinking/drugging, sexing/gambling, gossiping, judging/shaming, womanizing/manizing, over/under-working, internet pornography, being late/keeping perfect time, eating disorders, complaining or falsely praising, just to name a few. But did you know that your communicator type may affect your attitude toward addiction and thereby your actions?

Here’s how your communicator type and your “addiction attitude” interact:

1. Empathizer-type (E-types) communicators are “dwellers” who aren’t “in denial” about their addictions and compulsions. E-types use compulsive behaviors as emotional control devices. Thus, E-types “don’t feel” much about their addictions but know exactly what they’re doing.
2. Instigator-type communicators (I-types) are “dispellers” who are “in denial” about their addictions and compulsions. I-types use compulsive behaviors as intellectual control devices. Thus, I-types “don’t think” much about their addictions and don’t fully realize what’s happening.

Talk can be cheap in the workplace, meaning it can be filled to the brim with lofty promises but running-on-empty when it comes to solving problems through positive actions. So this team player discusses the rhetorical talk…talk…talk…talk in the workplace that irritates her and threatens to “pop my happiness bubble.”

Dear Dennis,

I get so frustrated with all the talk, talk, talk, talk from people who really say nothing at all. Words have meaning! Words have life! Words mean something to me. It is so distasteful to me when people use words so carelessly. They talk about change, self-empowerment, self-improvement…yes, they use all the right words but their heart and behavior is in conflict with their talk, talk, talk.

Now I understand how words are used to hide the fact many people do not know what they are talking about and it’s just a cover for their insecurities. (I feel like I’ve developed x-ray hearing because my ears hear the real truth behind the words. Make any sense?)

I am even less impressed when listening to speakers who talk about change or use elegant words to teach or explain worthy ways to do business, communicate with co-workers and they can’t even muster the true enthusiasm for the subject, which telegraphs with their body language they live what they believe. Simply said I’m not buying what they are selling.

To be honest, I get so tired living in this talk, talk, talk work environment everyday. The talk, talk, talk rains down on me and I feel like the talkers are trying to pop my happiness bubble. Where can I find an umbrella designed to keep myself dry in a down pour of “rain talk”??

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

Rain Woman

Hi Rain Woman: Being in charge of your own mind isn’t “venting.” “Venting is venting” and is a type of miscommunication that typically involves “mind control.” Also, you are describing Instigator communicators (I-types) who talk about “observations” (cherished ideas) that Empathizer communicators then “interpret” to mean real-world “actions.” Keep measuring what actually is done alongside what is promised, but isn’t done. Then put up your umbrella to stay dry and happy today!

“Talk IT Out” with Dr. Dennis O’Grady who is a communications psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of No Hard Feelings, Taking the Fear out of Changing and TALK TO ME: Communication moves to get along with anyone.

Can’t talk? In my new book Talk to Me, I have uncovered two brand new communicator types. In fact, 60% of the people you work with and love are Instigator-type communicators. Neither style is better or worse.

Instigator-type communicators, or I-types for short, share many (and more) of these traits:

1. Interpersonally  LESS SENSITIVE
2. Huge strength of GENUINENESS
3. Listen SELECTIVELY with a purpose in mind
4. Achilles Heel: Can become lost in fog of irritation, impatience, anger
5. Must overcome “It is my way or the highway!” talking style
   
6. Relate to world through mind…deep thinkers
7. Feelings don’t get easily hurt, too thick-skinned, take things too impersonally
8. Prone to saying things they later regret
9. In a power play, can mess with your head, great debaters
10. Natural-born “problem fixers”…able to forget the past and move on
    

You can go from a good to a great communicator in no time at all. You can also find out your communicator type easily by “Taking the Test” on this site.

There are also two of the four communicator modes (Beliefs, Behaviors) that I-types prefer to drive in as they talk to people in their burnt orange cars on the two-way communicator highway. In training, Instigators benefit from adopting the strengths of their opposite communicator type called Empathizers.

Statistically, 60% of all people are Instigator communicators (I-types) while 40% of all people are Empathizer communicators (E-types).

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a licensed clinical psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of TALK TO ME: Communication moves to get along with anyone. He is a Clinical Professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology, and President of the corporate communications consulting firm New Insights Communication.

Can’t talk? In my book Talk to Me, I have discovered two bold new communicator types. In fact, I’ve found that 40% of the people you work with and love are Empathizer-type communicators. Neither talk style is better or worse.

Empathizer-type communicators, or E-types for short, share many (and more) of these traits:

1. Interpersonally SENSITIVE
2. Huge strength of EMPATHY
3. Listen inclusively
4. Achilles Heel: Can become lost in fog of feeling down and blue
5. Must overcome glass-is-half-empty negativism
6. Relate to world through feelings…emotions as deep as the ocean
7. Feelings get easily hurt, too thin-skinned, take things too personally
8. Prone to pleasing too much
9. In a power play, can mess with your emotions
10. Natural-born relationship experts replete with people skills
    

You can find out your type easily by “Taking the Test” on this site. You can go from a good to great communicator in no time at all.

There are also two of the four communicator modes (Emotions, Talks) that E-types prefer to drive in as they talk to people in their blue cars on the two-way communicator highway. In training, Empathizers benefit from adopting the strengths of their opposite communicator type called Instigators.

Statistically, 40% of all people are Empathizer communators (E-types) while 60% of all people are Instigator communicators (I-types).

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a licensed clinical psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of TALK TO ME: Communication moves to get along with anyone. He is a Clinical Professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology, a professional relationship counselor and the founder of the Leadership Talks Program for entrepreneurial leadership development.