Talk Sense To Yourself

What To do When You’re Fed Up With Being Down
It’s NOT so hard to change hardening of the attitudes.

When you’re fed up with feeling down, there are ways that you can talk to yourself that will build back up your confidence. But nothing kills progress or open communication faster than close-minded attitudes that box a person into a comfortable or so-called secure “known zone” that is both stifling and claustrophobic.

Got attitude? Here’s the reality: all of life is a series of choices regarding how you will respond to yourself and others when you’re feeling afraid due to a loss of control. The paradox: The harder you try to control people or a situation…the less effective and satisfied you will be…and the less positive feedback you will receive from your world. Hard attitudes keep you stuck in that paradox.

Why do humans excel in talking negatively to themselves?

– Practice since childhood creates the perfect “I/You’re not good enough!” environment for avoiding emotions

– Good people feel bad about feeling mad

– Feelings can rule the home or work roost

– Extreme emotions can supplant rational talks

– Fear specializes in making people feel shy and embarrassed

– Hard feelings: “Better to be safe than sorry!”

– Hard thinking: “I won’t be blind-sided by hurt if I keep my guard up!”

TAKE THE TALK TRASH TO THE CURB

BE(A)WARE: If you catch yourself blaming or badgering yourself or someone else…you CAN BOOST your attitude. Hard attitudes will run your life if you permit them to…and drive you up a wall and down again over and over and over.

Make Your “To Do” List Into A “DO(NE)” List

Manage Your Self-Esteem or Stress Events Will
Communication Rules: Waiting to rake in the big haul while you stall doing the small? Go figure: Make your “to do” list into a “DO(NE)” list.

Refuse to be beguiled or seduced by “ALL OR NONE” extremist thinking that keeps your achievable dreams grounded. Success results from small positive actions taking flight in spite of fears that seek to stall you out in mid-air.

Talk Sense to Yourself: Tease yourself: “Anything worth doing is worth doing imperfectly!” Or ease yourself: “Little changes net huge rewards.” Or spiritualize: “Life is loving to learn..and learning to love.” Pump up your attitude using any upbeat idea!

Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar at http://www.zigziglar.com/ correctly says attitude is directly related to success altitude…SO why NOT be at your top cruising speed today? Likewise, time management black belt Brian Tracy at http://www.briantracy.com/ expertly describes how you CAN get up and go in the direction that your GOALS point you in. SO why NOT do something small today to pump up your attitude in a big way?

Talk sense to yourself whenever you feel knocked senseless by a street talking fighter…namely, YOURSELF.

Be The Change You Wish To See In Others

“The only person I can change is myself!”
Are you feeding your mind enlivening inspirational sayings every day to keep you growing and changing during your challenging week? Talking about theories of change and communication are one thing–talking sense to yourself during the day is quite another.

Communication Rules: Exasperated with perfectionist procrastinators, dull drivers or people slapping you in the face with their bad mood? Oh my now, don’t you know others can’t frustrate you without your complicity BECAUSE you frustrate yourself more than anyone else ever can or will…which is as it should be? Bingo.

Talk Sense to Yourself: How to get a grip on grousing and griping about why others won’t change their habitual patterns to make your life smoother sailing? When impatient say: “The only person I can change is myself!” Or, “Here’s another golden opportunity to realize I don’t run the universe!” Or, “The more I control, the less satisfied I feel and the less effective I am in all my relationships…including with myself.”

Four minutes a day is all it takes to absorb new insights that improve your mood. You don’t have enough time? You don’t have time NOT to.

Good brain food is everywhere…and right at your finger tips. Check out books to change your life at www.impactpublishers.com or ideas to manage your relationship mood at www.rebuilding.org.

Give Change a Chance

People Can Change…Can’t They?
Members of my change management seminar audiences often ask how to know the difference between when you should change…and when you should continue doing things the way you’ve been doing them. One answer is to create a circle of advisers for yourself-people whom you trust and with whom you can double-check your thinking.

I am also a firm believer in brief counseling or change consulting. You’re NOT crazy if you hire a neutral (outside your work/family) consultant, such as a communications psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor or social worker, to be part of your inner circle of advisers. In fact, you would be sane and smart. People need advice from experts in change and changing behavior.

Ask three people who aren’t afraid to give you blunt, accurate, timely feedback. You want to be surrounded by people who are interested in your changes, not in keeping things the way they’ve always been.

Another step you can take is to begin to value your relationships more. Friendship and romance are powerful ways to promote positive change. And lastly, you can take advantage of the self-help groups or blogs that are available on the internet.

Adapted from the book “Taking the Fear Out of Changing” by Dr. Dennis O’Grady

The Change Game

How to Win in These Fast-Changing Times
Change has a bad reputation in our society. But it isn’t all bad-not by any means. In fact, change is necessary in life-to keep us moving…to keep us interested…to keep us growing.

Imagine life without change. It would be static…boring…and dull. When people feel stuck and frustrated, it is often their fear of change that is causing the problem.

When that fear is too strong-as it is in the workplace today-people are afraid to change. That is because they are under great stress and feel out of control.

FIVE FEARS OF CHANGE

There are five major fears of change. I rank these according to what clients and audiences have told me. Usually people who fear change experience at least one of the following.

1. Fear of the Unknown. Why do men or women fear committing to learning new communication skills in a romantic relationship? Why does taking a new job seem SO scary? We are most at ease when we are completely familiar with our surroundings and sure of what the future holds for us. As a result, fear of the unknown can paralyze us.

2. Fear of Failure. Typical questions you might ask yourself are, What IF after I try it, it doesn’t work out and I look foolish? Won’t I be a laughingstock? People expect to get everything right the first time, instead of taking their time to work things out and getting them right at some time.

3. Fear of Commitment. This fear is why people don’t set firm goals or accomplish what they set out to do. They are afraid to focus on what they want out of life. The excuse they use is that they will be trapped. Instead, people should be honest with themselves and commit to a few simple and heartfelt goals-what they really dream of doing. The fear of commitment will cut you off at the knees just when you begin to move ahead quickly.

4. Fear of Disapproval. Some might call this the fear of rejection. Typical question: What if I commit myself to my goals and people disapprove or push me away?
Often when people make positive changes, their friends, family and business associates might resist the change, and say I liked you better the way you were. I call these changeback pressures.

Examples: You might lose weight and get the cold shoulder from your spouse or friends. Or you might stop drinking and a frustrated mate might say I liked you better when you were drinking. If you change, somebody will likely disapprove. Usually several people in your social network feel this way. You will learn very quickly who your false friends are and who is truly on the side of your self-esteem.

5. Fear of Success. Typical questions: If you’re successful, are people going to dislike you? Think you’re stuck-up? We are all incredibly afraid of appearing selfish and egotistical to others. When people get through the changes and are feeling good, they sometimes feel guilty for feeling good. People often trace this guilt back to being taught that they are selfish and egotistical for taking care of themselves.