How To Self-Tune Your Self-Esteem

Healthy self-esteem lets us accept our selves and enjoy life. Although we all strive for healthy self-esteem, many people don’t realize its complexity. Biggest myths:

Myth: People with healthy self-esteem have no faults….or at least don’t recognize them.

Truth: They are acutely aware of their weaknesses or Achilles Heel. Their edge: They have a plan… they are constantly working to overcome their weaknesses…they correct the problem instead of blame the person.

Myth: People with healthy self-esteem never feel down.

Truth: They can be very insecure – they just use positive communication tools to cope better. When they run into trouble they work to resolve it now not later. Instead of only making a “to do” list…they commit to a “DO(NE)” one.

Relationship Rut Red Flags

Troubled relationships tend to feature certain traits that you shouldn’t live with and personal issues you or your partner would be wise to change IF you want to make your love last. In “Talk to Me,” I proactively discuss what to say when “relationship reg flags” are popping up on your ship of love. No one wants those problems to deep-six your love in Davey Jones’ locker.

If seven or more of these “relationship red flags” are flying in your partnership or marriage…DON’T DELAY…get on the calendar of a communications psychologist TODAY.

1. Critical feedback is reacted to as criticism. A partner becomes defensive, and claims you are attacking him/her, when you are simply telling the truth and communicating your concerns honestly and openly.

2. An “I can’t talk to you!” atmosphere. Missed communication is rampant, and you feel exasperated, helpless and frustrated when you try to talk to your partner…but can’t.

3. Not a happy camper. You frequently feel down and blue. There is an avoidance of positive change and growth as a couple, and distractions such as hobbies, sleep, overwork, friends and family displace talking and sharing.

Relationship Panic Attacks

Has your relationship partner rattled your cage (and serenity) lately with a high-anxiety panic attack disguised as an anger attack? You may cringe at the memory, but chances are your reactive partner has high-anxiety states that spill over over into your personal world…looking much like crazy, angry outbursts or unfair fights.

Psychologically, emotions can layer on top of each other in this situation: Anxiety is often dressed up or disguised on the talk stage as rough and tough…gruff anger. Moreover, anxiety-derived negative words of anger are like sticks and stones that can break relational bones…so you had better duck when anxiety flies.

Hope is here: I often recommend a single talk transaction that can calm down an angry co-communicator pretty effectively. The CommTool or transaction to say calmly in the face of an anger-panic attack person is: “I need you to know I’m feeling anxious…scared…not safe…RIGHT NOW.”

How to know when a RELATIONSHIP PANIC ATTACK is under way:

1. Yelling. Yelling is a form of verbal bashing. Your partner may talk exceptionally loudly, give you “the guilt look,” bring up the past, screech about the unfairness of it all, say inappropriate things (like obscenities) or suffer from “giveupitis” or quitting.

2. Loss of control. Your partner will be red-faced, speech will be pressured, interrupting is common. “S/he acts like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.”