Psychological Excuses That Work To Keep People Off Your Back At Work

Don’t the head-spinning and logic-numbing excuses flow fast when people fail to perform their agreed-upon tasks or meet important deadlines at work? What today’s workplaces have in common are tons of logical-sounding excuses why managers, executives and team members alike have failed to perform as expected – that’s a tidbit I’ve found from my workshops and business consulting practice. Are we all getting too carried away with psychological excuses about why we shouldn’t be called on the carpet…and held accountable for the good results we’ve failed to deliver upon? You can bet your psychology license on it!

RATIONALIZING: LOGICAL SOUNDING REASONS FOR EXCUSING IRRESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR

SO, IF talk is so cheap, are we ever going to learn anything important and use good stuff to fix what’s broken? Here are a few of my favorite leadership excuses that keep others focused on words instead of effective actions and productive outcomes.

1. TOO TIRED…PRESSURED…AND SO STRESSED OUT. This is the psychological excuse of being too tired, too busy to do it, too stressed out to deliver in-time, too moody to pull it off with a difficult person or project. The “too tired” excuse of being too fatigued is used to justify an inability to meet required minimum standards.

2. BEING LAZY. This is the psychological excuse of just “feeling off today and too lazy,” too unfocused, too mentally scattered, too upset due to a personal or family crisis to meet an important deadline or deliver a quality product. Works well in combination with “psychoexcuse” #1 to avoid feeling guilty for “forgetting” to do something on time and holding up everybody else on the team.

3. LIFE’S BEEN AWFUL TO ME…SYMPATHY STORY. This is the psychological excuse that life is going so gosh-awfully bad, and that stress circumstances are so overwhelming unfair, that normal performance is not morally justifiable at this time. The “life’s awful” excuse gets other people to feel bad for you and not hold you accountable for your actions. Works every time!

4. I’M AN IDIOT. This is the psychological excuse if I haven’t thought through consequences, or failed to think before I speak or act, then I can’t be held accountable for stupid actions I have taken or smart actions that I’ve failed to take. It’s good for getting sympathetic souls to offer extra help when a person isn’t helping out him- or herself.

5. MY MIND RACES. This is the psychological excuse of the “short attention span” or “my mind races and I can’t keep up with it.” The “wandering mind” is a great excuse to explain why I don’t take better physical or emotional care of myself. Works well to keep people from looking squarely at a lack of business ethics or integrity issues.

6. DON’T FOCUS ON THE BAD. This is the psychological excuse that “being negative begets more negative things to happen” so “don’t look at the mistakes because that’s discouraging team self-esteem,” or “just put bad outcomes in the past and don’t re-hash failure.” This is the leading cause of not learning to do something new, and promoting old habits that our bad for the health of our organizations that can be dys-fun-ctional.

Excellent leaders overcome personal and emotional stresses without ignoring or excusing them or allowing them to negatively impact their work performance. Humility and flexibility are key traits of successful leaders who are accountable and communicate in positive and realistic ways.

I’M TIRED…IT’S TOUGH

So, are you able to keep focus at work or is your mind filled with all of these types of psychological excuses, rationalizations, psychobabble, psychoanalytic poppycock and poor performance alibis? Say it ain’t so because it ain’t so! Listen to how your co-workers use psychological excuses to keep others off their back, and themselves off the hook of being responsible for what they do and what they fail to do.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF LEADERSHIP: EXECUTIVE EXCUSES VS. EXECUTIVE LEADERSHIP COACHING

Learn from your past mistakes…practice using different and more “colorful excuses” but don’t take them seriously. Do learn from past errors, change what isn’t working, and come up with a better system of doing things that work at work. In fact, DO something new each day to improve your performance a little bit. Smile inwardly as you watch and hear others who “take the bait” and “buy the storyline” of why agreed-upon results have failed to materialize. Observe how problems are repeatedly swept under the doormat at work, only to pop up again causing additional problems that we all can get upset about.

Good talking to you! And talk to me about any favorite “psychological excuse” you’ve recently heard used that got a leader or co-worker “off the hook” at work to the loss of us all!

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional development training in Ohio and surrounding states. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone” which is a leadership training workbook and is available in the resource store at his Web site www.drogrady.com. Dr. O’Grady leads workshops, and provides leadership executive coaching and business consulting, about two new communicator types called Empathizers and Instigators. One example of a talk difference between the two is that Empathizer-type communicators have a high need for interpersonal trust and honesty, while Instigator-type communicators have a high need for interpersonal power and planning. Knowing who you’re talking to in the workplace by communicator type and temperament, makes all the difference in the “mood” in your workplace and the “effectiveness” of your management team.

If You’re Scoring At Home, Are You Scoring At Work?

Management consultants, executive coaches and human resource specialists are all hired to keep employee satisfaction high and poor communication low. One assumption in workplace psychology is that those of us who are in positive partnerships are better able to shrug off rejections and stressful assignments while keeping our attitudes positive, and all of that combines to improve overall work performance.

But is this line of reasoning true, and how many of us are coming to work with the “sunburn” of stressful family relationships? Well, I figured the first order of business was to find out how many of us are just passing or failing the relationship grade in our romantic relationships. In short, does the grade you give your romantic relationship spill over at work?

WHAT GRADE DO YOU ASSIGN YOUR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP AT WORK?

The questions that this New Insights Communication poll asked was: “What grade do you assign your romantic relationship?” Implied was “How stress-free is your partnership?” and does it support or undermine your concentration and effectiveness at work? Here are the results that tell a story.

The grade I assign my romantic relationship is:

“A” Excellent…6.45%

“B” Good…32.26%

“C” Average…22.58%

“D” Poor…25.81%

“F” Failing…12.90%

GROUP TENSIONS AND THE CORPORATE COMMUNICATION CULTURE FLOW AT WORK AND AT HOME

Well, there is some tension in our home partnerships. Well over half of the “guaranteed confidentiality” responders report that things are only “average or poor to failing” on the home front. Which means that today, about every other person you sit down to do business with is experiencing pretty significant stress at home, stress that may de-motivate them or negatively impact their focus and energy at work. And only a teeny tiny few of us team members are feeling “excellent” about conditions in our romantic relationships!

BLAME YOUR PARTNER FOR LOW MOTIVATION AND WORK PERFORMANCE OR IMPAIRED PERSONAL INITIATIVE?

Psychologists have long found that personal and personality maturity directly effects job performance, while a negative attitude and bad mood can affect quality of performance, task accomplishment and accuracy and miscommunication about decisions and planned directions. Should we blame our partner, or a stressful partnership or marriage, on our limiting work performance or mistakes made? No, I don’t think so.

Mature communicators will let you know when the stress ovens are burning too hot at home, without being a “poor me crybaby” about it so a co-worker can adjust their expectations for short periods.

WHY NOT FOCUS YOUR MIND AT WORK WHEN THINGS AREN’T GOING SO HOT AT HOME?

Lastly, work stress can flow back home along a “pipeline of stress” and cause for some heated disagreements, making “waves,” withdrawing into quietness or going to the inner-personal “cave,” as Dr. John Gray has written about. In any case, I would recommend that you focus more on work to feel good about something when you aren’t feeling so good about what is (or isn’t) happening in your romantic relationship.

Come to think of it, you deserve to be a giant success in all of your communication worlds that include work, family, extended family, friendships and romantic loving relationships. Why not score points at home…and at work?!  It can be a “delicious” cycle.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional training in Ohio and surrounding states. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone” which is available in the resource store at his Web site www.drogrady.com. Dr. O’Grady leads workshops, and provides business consulting, about two new communicator types called Empathizers and Instigators. One example of a talk difference between the two is that Empathizer-type communicators have a high need for interpersonal security, while Instigator-type communicators have a high need for interpersonal power. Knowing who you’re talking to in the workplace by communicator type and temperament, makes all the difference in the “mood” in your workplace and the “effectiveness” of your management team.

Previous New Insights Communication Polls have included “What’s Up With Your Confidence Level?“… “When You Argue, Are You Always Right?” … “Are You Shy or Stuck Up?”… “How Do You Handle Anger?”…“Are Men or Women Better Communicators?” “How Easily Are You Frustrated?” Read more about the challenge of leadership, and other topics about executive coaching, business consulting, leadership training and communication skills here four minutes every day of the week to make change happen fast and last.

CommTool#10: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOES NOT FIT ME!”

Central to executive coaching and relationship counseling, is the ability to talk positively and sensibly to yourself when tensions mount in the team. If I had a copper penny for every nonsensical, nasty, inaccurate pricking barb that has been stuck into the doll of your self-esteem…I would be as rich and famous as one of my heroes, Benjamin Franklin (who shares his birthday with my oldest daughter).

INSENSITIVE COMMUNICATORS

Why hasn’t anyone told “insensitive communicators” that their put-downs and criticisms might better fit them than you? Psychological “projections” – all of those craftily disowned ideas about myself that I project onto you – become inserted into your mind as repetitive negative thoughts that you think about yourself IF you allow them. I’m here to tell you, “Don’t!” Don’t allow these guilt bombs to be dropped on ya’. Let’s practice what to say to yourself when a guilt hurler is dragging you down and making your frown.

POSITIVE TALK NEWS

Negative talkers or “NegaTalkers” are guilt trippers and responsibility avoiders who need to get a grip on their projections and take back ownership of their criticisms in order to create personal growth and change.

A powerfully positive comeback that you can use inside your head when guilt trippers are spreading it on thick is:

“If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOES NOT FIT ME.”

SHUGGING OFF THE GOOP OF GUILT

Now granted, sometimes you are in the “wrong,” but most times you’re right and you know it…especially you genteel Empathizer-type (E-type) communicators. So, well…I’ll just give you some practice on how to say “no” to slick guilt trips.

1. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU always have to be SO difficult?

Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

2. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DON’T YOU change?

Positive SELF-TALK: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

3. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU sound off like the world’s worst communicator?

Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

4. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU have to always be so negative?

Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

5. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU blow so much money?

Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

6. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why ARE YOU being so cold and sexually uptight?

Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

7. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU have to be so selfish and self-centered?

Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

8. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: You can’t expect me to be perfect!

Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

9. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why CAN’T YOU talk to me?

Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

10. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU only think of yourself?

Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

11. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU always have to get the last word in?

Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

12. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU blame me for everything under the sun?

Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

13. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU have to always be in control?

Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

14. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU guilt trip me and make me feel lower than whale dung on the bottom of the ocean?

Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

15. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU always spout off about what Dr. O’Grady has to say?

Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”

PLUG THE ENERGY DRAIN

That ought to do IT for now. Ain’t IT amazin’ how many pokes, prods, slams, jams, stabs, zings, sticks and stones, arrows, slaps and put-downs, projections, rejections and slights, self-esteem zappers and other energy draining tunes are songs that give you a splitting headache? Yup, so I’ve told you how to accurately TALK SENSE to yourself when a “guilt hurler” is trying to drag you down and make you frown.

The rest of the communication story…is up to YOU!

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional training in Dayton, Ohio, and surrounding areas. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.” In this inspiring new communication program and leadership training workshop, you will learn the crucial differences between Empathizer-type communicators and Instigator-type communicators. Chances are the person you struggle with the most, and whom you think of as a “difficult person,” is in reality your opposite communicator who is comfortable with what you are uncomfortable with. In the case above, Empathizers “freeze up” and are reluctant to give helpful negative feedback while Instigators feel free to “let it rip” and speak their minds. You can “test your type” and receive a free communicator type feedback report by clicking on the link “What’s Your Communicator Type.” If you believe you are a “good communicator” then ask the two questions above to a co-worker…and listen open-mindedly to the answers. You at least will be able to tell the level of trust your co-communicator is experiencing with you.

Can You Talk At Work?

Can you talk at work? Because I’ve been a communications consultant for so long, maybe I’m nuts about executive coaching and positive communications training in the workplace. BUT I think teamwork is solidified by talking openly about the good, the bad and the ugly without casting stones of blame at esteemed co-workers.

SO YA’ REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S THE TRUST LEVEL LIKE IN YOUR WORKPLACE?

As an alternative, what types of questions would I suggest you ask as a leader or manager to review satisfaction among the troops? My retort to leaders: Do you really want to know what your co-workers can’t talk openly to you about for fear of reprisal if they speak up honestly? So ya’ really want to know what’s the trust level like in your workplace—low, high or medium? Hey, why not…I’m with you!

WHY CAN’T WE TALK AT WORK?

The “directive questions” below (if you have the nerve to ask them) reveal what truly needs to change in order to do an even BETTER job of serving our customers’ needs and surviving and thriving as a department and company. Do you dare ask them of yourself, and your fellow workers, today?

1. Ask sincere feedback questions that work at work, such as: “So, how’s it been goin’?” Then listen open-mindedly to the answer.

2. Ask the often overlooked or unasked questions that work at work, such as: “So, what can I do to make your life go easier (better) today?” Then implement the answer in a little way today.

3. Ask “big picture”-focused questions that solicit feedback, such as: “Overall, if you use a grade card for my communication style…what grade would you give me? An A, B, C, D, F…or an “I” for incomplete? Be honest!”

4. Ask for energy questions that work at work to measure emotional satisfaction, such as: “Do I act as if I enjoy working with you and enjoy being around you? Or do you feel like a fixture around here, like a lamp or a table?”

5. Ask motivational questions that work at work, such as: “Do you feel I constantly critique you or make unfair negative comments about your work habits? Or do I make you feel about as unspecial as a hood ornament on a car?”

6. Ask bold questions that work at work, such as: “How free do you feel to initiate dialogue with me at any time about anything?”

7. Ask feedback-focused questions about ‘how full our glass is,’ such as: “Give me some feedback about my attitude. Do I send the message that I’m an optimist, or a pessimist or pretty neutral?”

8. Ask employee-evaluation feedback questions that work at work, such as: “How’s your attitude been lately? Do you see yourself as an optimist or a pessimist or a neutral person around here?”

9. Ask humble feedback questions that work at work, such as: “Are you able to speak openly to me and not hold anything back without fear of being put off or put down?”

10. Ask for change-focused feedback that work at work, such as: “What ONE thing could I do around here that would make your work life and effectiveness better?”

11. Ask for positive feedback about what you’re doing well that work at work, such as: “In what ways do I help you accomplish your goals by what I say or do?”

12. Ask directive questions that work at work, such as: “In what ways do I boost your confidence levels by what I say or do? How could I do better by you?”

13. Ask for groans that work at work, such as: “In what ways is your self-esteem balloon popped by what others are saying or doing?”

14. Ask for gripes that work at work, such as: “What one thing would YOU change around here if you had the power to change anything?”

15. Ask for improving your effectiveness that work at work, such as: “What ONE THING could I facilitate that would make everything go better around here?”

16. Ask for critiques in your listening skills that work at work, such as: “Do I listen to you without interrupting? Or do I turn a deaf ear to your complaints, or put you down when you have a complaint about me?”

17. Ask for critiques about your interpersonal sensitivity skills that work at work, by asking: “Do I need to be hit by a solid two-by-four between the eyes to wake up and smell the coffee and change? Or do I act dumb and fail to get the message that you’re trying to send to me?”

18. Ask for critical feedback that works at work, such as: “Do I let you know how important you are around here or do I make you feel that you are making a mountain out of a mole hill?”

DO YOU HAVE THE NERVE OR GUTS TO ASK FOR FEEDBACK AND HEAR THE TRUTH?

Of course you can hear the truth, and use it to solve problems and become better at what you do best. Of course, no one likes conflict or to hear negative news, and asking for feedback does result in a combination of both the good and the bad and the surprising. Got caring? Then at least ask:

1. “HEY, HOW’S IT GOIN’?” (Then listen to the under 500 word answer.)

2. “SO, WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE YOUR LIFE GO EASIER (BETTER) TODAY?” (And then try to do one of the suggestions in a little way.)

Hey, so how’s it goin’? Do you have the nerve to ask for, or give, positive and negative feedback? Of course you do. You and your team can quickly change a group dynamic of intimidation, complacency or mistrust by talking openly and non-defensively for a change!

OFF WE GO WITH THE BLAME GAME?

Do people in your work area feel too intimidated to talk openly and honestly and share their wisdom about how to make things run better for everyone? There’s only one way to tell: Ask one of the feedback questions per day for the next couple of weeks; then listen OPENLY to the answers as if they are the gosh-honest truth. (Be aware that it may take a week for esteemed workers to really believe that you are REALLY asking their opinion, since doing so is so rare in the workplace today)!

ASKING FOR NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE FEEDBACK IMPROVES Y/OUR PERFORMANCE

“What goes around comes around” if you don’t have the time or take time to ask for honest feedback to improve performance. If you don’t ask for honesty on a regular basis, and reward it, THEN the trust factor among team members is weak and too splintered. If you can’t talk about anything…how can you be effective at anything…and doesn’t that just leave “water cooler complaining or gossip” as the only de-stressing outlet?

IS YOUR TEAM PADDLING THE COMPANY CANOE IN THE SAME DIRECTION?

In another “seriously fun” article, I used canoeing as a simple and rich metaphor for effective teamwork vs. ineffective teamwork. In short, how can your team get to where you all need to go if the direction is unknown or feedback results unmeasured? Moreover, how can you all paddle successfully in the same direction, IF you can’t talk about which direction you ought to go in? Simple answer…you can’t because you will later or sooner get trapped in a whirlpool and hit the rocks and capsize and come up sputtering, wet and frustrated.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional training in Dayton, Ohio, and surrounding areas. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.” In this inspiring new communication program and leadership training workshop, you will learn the crucial differences between Empathizer-type communicators and Instigator-type communicators. Chances are the person you struggle with the most, and whom you think of as a “difficult person,” is in reality your opposite communicator who is comfortable with what you are uncomfortable with. In the case above, Empathizers “freeze up” and are reluctant to give helpful negative feedback while Instigators feel free to “let it rip” and speak their minds. You can “test your type” and receive a free communicator type feedback report by clicking on the link “What’s Your Communicator Type.” If you believe you are a “good communicator” then ask the two questions above to a co-worker…and listen open-mindedly to the answers. You at least will be able to tell the level of trust your co-communicator is experiencing with you.

Psychological Torture

How do you psychologically torture and “get to” someone you love or loathe at home or work? You can bet your trusty talking stick that you, too, can offend someone in nice ways without getting caught by using “psycho-torture” talk techniques. Torturing or upsetting someone is pretty easy to do if you intend it to be. Maybe that’s because the “hook” is that you can’t “fix people” who don’t want to be fixed.

DO YOU GET YOUR FEELINGS EASILY HURT?

If you are an Empathizer communicator (E-type), you can get your feelings SO “easily hurt”…due to something a “talk offender” or “difficult person” says or does that pricks your pride and pops your self-esteem balloon… if you allow IT to be so in an unthinking way. However, fearlessness in an interpersonal word requires you and me to see through the fact that many people are NOT simply “fishing for compliments”…they are “fishing for total control.” Now IF you’re reading this carefully, THEN probably you are an E-type who is pretty easy to manipulate. If so, anyone can make a “fish” out of you by casting you the talk bait, hooking you in the brain, and reeling you in using a line like a sucker.

THE ART OF PSYCHO-TORTURE IN EVERYDAY LIFE

Here’s how the interactive game (almost like dance steps) of communication-relational-psychological torture really works on you or me.

BAIT. The “psycho-torturer” casts the bait and provokes a listener. For example, “Why do you always have to be SO negative?”

HOOK. The defender takes the bait and “emotionally hooks” into the implied or stated criticisms. Then the “hook” is set by the psycho-torturer: “Why are you always SO sensitive and about everything…I was only joking?!”

DRAG. The defender/listener acts defensively AS IF the criticisms/accusations/psychocritiques are true…when in fact they’re largely false. The “psycho-torturer” spouts off: “Well, THEN WHY are you getting so agitated and upset if there’s no truth to anything I’m saying?”

FIGHT. The defender comes across too strong…talks too loudly or stomps off…while the offender feels amused. Psycho-torturer says: “I said I was sorry…so why can’t you just get over IT?”

FRUSTRATE. An empathetic person feels “bad” after the altercation…and loses self-confidence due to feeling angry…and feeling guilty for feeling anger.

That’s how you can get all irritated and bothered, all lathered up and frustrated or upset…emotionally distracted and distraught if you allow yourself to be fished around with. A psycho-torturer or talk offender then feels smugly in control and in charge because: “It wasn’t my fault…it was their fault, so they deserve to lose out!”

WHEN ON THE HOOK OF FRUSTRATION…LET GO OF FIXING PEOPLE

When you feel absolutely frustrated by your opposing communicator type…in this case you are an Empathizer-type communicator who is being out-talked by an Instigator-type communicator…try these mental tips to be genuine on for size my dear E-types:

1. “I’m SO sorry!” doesn’t fix a problem. An insincere apology is just that…insincere. Are you right, or what?

2. “I didn’t mean to!” doesn’t make people feel any better. An unintended action still causes enormous emotional harm. Are you right, or what?

3. “It wasn’t my fault!” is a victim plea hoping that a sucker is born every minute. Are you right, or what?

4. “It was an accident!” is the plea of irresponsibility and shrinking character. Are you right, or what?

5. “You made me feel SO bad!” is a guilt bomb that you can pull the fuse out of. Based on the premise that if your talk partner feels bad, you should feel guilty and change. Are you right, or what?

6. “Why can’t you just forget about it?” pushes you to forgive the unforgivable. Relationships involve two people, not one person…and hard feelings are sometimes hard to forget. Are you right, or what?

7. “I won’t do it again…I promise I won’t do it!” is pure fantasy and future conjecture that is more talk…talk…talk to make you think what I want you to. Are you right, or what?

8. “You did it to me, too!” doesn’t excuse get-even scorekeeping. Doesn’t the word “communication” mean two adults are involved, not just two squabbling children? Are you right, or what?

Yeah, even though you’re “right” much of the time, an Empathizer-defender may still get into trouble with onlookers (parents, work colleagues, friends) who view their response as being “too large or extreme” given the situation. Guess who set up making you look bad?

DON’T WORRY…BE HAPPY…FIX YOURSELF INSTEAD OF FIXING OTHER PEOPLE?

Take a look around you, my astute and tender-hearted, E-types. A negative I-type will snap, huff and puff, and puff up in anger when you hit a sore spot that you ought to remember the next time you’re “gone fishin’.” But take an even closer look. Quite soon after a heated debate or angry interaction with you, you will be long forgotten as the I-type moves on to the next fishing hole.

Shouldn’t you do the same? Maybe you can’t “fix people” who don’t want to be fixed…and who don’t believe anything needs to be fixed in the first place about how they carry on in “psychodrama” in their work and personal relationships. Just maybe, who knows, the only person we can fix is ourselves?! How are you fixed for happiness, lately? And are you the fish or the fisherman or fisherwoman? Listen to the “moves” your antagonist makes to get you to take the “hook” and put you on the line of feeling bad.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional training in Dayton, Ohio, and surrounding areas. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.” In this inspiring new communication program and leadership communication workshop, you will learn the crucial differences between Empathizer-type communicators and Instigator-type communicators. Chances are the person you struggle with the most, and whom you think of as a “difficult person,” is in fact your opposite communicator who is comfortable with what you are uncomfortable with. In the case above, Empathizers feel uptight being “mean” while Instigators feel uptight when being “too nice.” You can “test your type” and receive a free communicator type feedback report by clicking on the link “What’s Your Communicator Type.” If you believe you are being “psychologically tortured” then it’s time to be the fisherman or fisherwoman of people…instead of the fish.