Can You Take A Little Criticism Without Getting All Ticked Off?

Can you take a little criticism without getting all ticked off? Do you mind if I give you a little criticism right now to help you out? If you don’t like some aspects of your communicator type, why not change? (No, I’m NOT saying change your personality, because you probably like being you.) But why not correct your weaknesses and promote your strengths? Too easy to be true, you say? A bold-faced sales lie? Don’t bet your life on it….

AN EMPATHIZER COMMUNICATOR CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM FACT SHEET

Do you often wish you would have said something different when someone cornered you with a criticism? Then chances are, you are a “too sensitive” sort, or an Empathizer communicator. Here are a few things to know about how great thou art, Empathizer communicators:

1. Empathizer communicators, or E-types, often fantasize about or wish they hadn’t said or done something to shut down the irrational comments of an arrogant criticizer.

2. E-types are also prone to ruminating over pointed criticisms that don’t belong to them.

3. E-types are too sensitive to others’ growth needs and have a hard time saying “no” to reasonable, or unreasonable, requests or actions.

4. E-types can’t easily stop false criticisms from draining the energy gas tanks dry in their communicator cars.

5. An E-type has difficulty believing, “You are in the driver’s seat of your own life,” or “You are the leader of your own life!”

6. E-types are too sensitive to others’ needs as well as being too sensitive to what others think of them.

7. “Don’t get too big for your britches!” is a prohibition against selfishness that most E-types obey.

8. E-types are often too insensitive to their private self-needs.

9. Many of the most powerful positive thoughts of E-types remain locked away in the cave or silent zone of their own skulls, thus benefiting no one.

10. E-types dread and are constantly anxious about being criticized, shunned, disliked or disapproved of, abandoned, shamed, or blamed by a peer group…or just about anyone, for that matter.

11. Everyone likes to fit in, yet Empathizer-type communicators feel like they are often the odd-duck-out and turn pleasing others into an addiction of sorts.

12. E-types grind gears in their blue communicator cars, all going along to get along, even when doing so drives them crazy or drains their energy.

13. Emotional words are taken too seriously by E-types, who need to learn that people throw around words, like tennis players volley.

14. E-types need to accept that they alone can understand Viewpoint A plus comprehend Viewpoint B to come up with compromise Solution Viewpoint C.

It’s the era of the E-type leader who has adopted I-type strengths, so it’s time to come out and play for keeps, all you zany-brainy E’s.

STUCK ON THE SPEED BUMPS OF LIFE

You don’t have to stall out when you hit a few speed bumps, called criticisms or psycho-critiques. If you’re doing great things, criticisms just come with the turf. After all, it’s almost always nothing personal. Practice disallowing criticism from shutting you up OR shutting you down!

ABOUT PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST, CORPORATE TRAINER AND KEYNOTE SPEAKER DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady, a Dayton region communications psychologist and author of Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone. Dennis is a relationship communications psychologist and corporate trainer who specializes in positive and effective leadership communication strategies. He is the original developer of the Talk to Me leadership communication system.

A Set Of Communication Rules To Avoid A Meltdown

What set of communication rules do you follow to avoid a relationship meltdown? Do you and your partner obey the traffic signs on the two-way communicator highway to avoid a talk collision? Why are the rules of the talk road so hard to follow when emotions are heating up and nerves are shot? Empathizer and Instigator communicators alike need to learn how to talk instead of fighting like fools.

A SET OF COMMUNICATION RULES TO KEEP A COOL HEAD AND AVOID A MELTDOWN WHEN TENSIONS ARE HIGH

Recently, one of my relationship communications clients whom I coach said, “I’ve been enjoying your writing about good communication tools to use at home and work. My husband and I have just agreed to, and written down, a set of communication rules to avoid a meltdown.”

TALK RULES THAT WORK

1. NO NAME CALLING doesn’t allow zings or arrows or snotty potty talk.

2. DON’T USE PUT-DOWNS means you can’t tell your partner what he or she thinks; instead you must stick to what you are experiencing in the first-person.

3. ZERO THREATS means there’s no tattling, pouting, indirect paybacks, having an emotional or sexual extramarital affair, or threatening to leave.

4. NO GENERATING PAIN…you can’t recycle painful past memories, create more pain in the present, or predict a future of pain because you feel your partner is an idiot.

5. AVOID LOUD VOICES…the better debater or bigger voice isn’t allowed to dominate the flow of the conversation.

6. NO LEAVING WITHOUT SAYING WHERE YOU’RE GOING discourages the disappearing act, meant to make your partner mad and sleepless or nervous.

7. DON’T RATCHET UP DISAGREEMENTS disallows getting extended family members, friends, or kids in the middle of your business.

8. NO EXTREMISM OR ABSOLUTES doesn’t allow, “You never do….” or “You always are….” extremism that rips apart hope and trust.

9. STOP INVENTING MOTIVES…you can’t “psycho-critique” your partner’s motives, or practice psychology without a license.

10. NO BUTTON-PUSHING…you can’t hit your partner where you know s/he can be hurt just to prove a point.

Even if you can only follow one of these talk rules when tensions run high, things will get better between the two of you.

DISTRESSED PARTNERS KEEP DOING WHAT DOESN’T WORK

Couples in trouble crash in predictable ways. Couples who get into unproductive conflicts and have repeated talk collisions burn out over the long-distance haul of an authentic relationship. Driving rules limit accidents. Talk rules engage a problem-solving mode, or “live and let live” attitude, until you have the energy and skills to figure things out.

NO BUTTON-PUSHING

Distressed partners will talk over the opposing partner by talking louder or even shouting. The previous communications client observed, “No button-pushing is our biggest challenge. We are both very strong-willed and stubborn people when crossed. Thanks for helping us stop arguing, instead of trying to top one another.”

ABOUT RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATIONS COACH DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is a Dayton region communications psychologist and organizational consultant who is the developer of the “Talk to Me” communication system. Dr. O’Grady’s third book is “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone,” which boosts your mood and powers your professional business communications while being of positive benefit to your personal, marital and family communication relationships, too.