Monthly Archives: May 2008

FIRST NAME FEEDBACK IN 10 SECONDS OR LESS

Some road conditions or talk barriers really turn off Instigator-type (I-type) communicators. If you want the I-type to talk with you instead of lecture you, steer clear of emotions, which are a big roadblock or barrier to good communication, in the I-type viewpoint. Unless you want your communicator car to slide off Talk Highway into a ditch, it’s best to drive around revved-up emotional roadblocks.

STOP: FEEBACK BARRIERS, INSTIGATOR-STYLE

Following are barriers to effective communication, often cited by real-life I-types in Talk2Me seminars I’ve conducted:

1. EMOTIONS. Sad emotions or tears really throw off I-types who feel uncomfortable watching anyone fall into an Abyss of Grief.

2. TALK TOO MUCH. Repeating a great point you’ve already made is like stuffing cotton into the ears of I-types. I-types want a discussion to be to-the-point, using as few words as possible. The more words they hear, the more anxious they become and the more they view their E-type talk partner as an airhead.

3. BEAT AROUND THE BUSH. E-types beat around the bush to give themselves time to radar-in on the good, bad, or ugly mood of I-type communicators, which makes I-types easily miffed and distractible…they want to get down to it!

4. ADD ONS. Adding on incidental issues, when involved in a specific problem-solving discussion, causes I-types to experience mental confusion and agitation.

5. FACTLESS. Feelings that talk louder than facts constitute irrationality in the I-type brain. Instigators prefer to logically dig down to strike gold and solve problems.

6. INACCURATE. I-types prefer black-and-white numbers and concise opinions. “Always” and “Never” are better than “Sometimes” and “Maybe.”

TALK ABOUT IT: AVOID…SARCASTIC REMARKS…ASSERTIVE

When you face a problem, created by running into a communication roadblock, and you need to yield, you have three choices from which to choose. First, you can AVOID talking about the challenge you now face. Second, you can react with off-the-cuff SARCASTIC REMARKS. Third, you can speak out in ASSERTIVE ways. The most effective response is one that solves problems and values people simultaneously.

Giving and receiving constructive feedback, based on Empathizer vs. Instigator communication styles, is as easy as remembering how each type accepts and receives discriminating judgments and evaluations.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.

THERE ISN’T A ‘I’ IN TEAM, BUT THERE IS AN ‘I’ IN WIN

What gives the green light to constructive feedback when talking to your Instigator-type (I-type) co-communicators who can be thick-skinned, hardheaded, hard-handed and hard of hearing? If you prefer direct, no-nonsense feedback that drives the point home, then you’re likely an I-type as well. Do you flip on the cruise control when you order up your feedback – which is dictated by your talk type, by the way – like always ordering a steak rare vs. well done?

GO: CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK, INSTIGATOR-STYLE

How to give the green light of good feedback from the viewpoint of hard charging and hard core Instigator communicators:

1. BE DIRECT. Don’t beat around the bush but come right to the point and stick to it.

2. BE ACCURATE. “Show me the facts and be able to back them up with proof,” is the challenge of the I-type communicator.

3. BE TIMELY. As the project progresses, the I-type prefers to work out problems in a timely fashion and not compound troubles by avoiding a difficult discussion.

4. POLICY-DRIVEN. State the rules, premises, and precedents for why you did what you did. What can be done differently to achieve better results?

5. BE NON-EMOTIONAL. If you get overly emotional and show it, you lose. Put your trust in logic more than feelings. Getting mad and throwing a tantrum is costly and immature.

6. SLEEP ON IT. Take time to step away from an emotional decision. Nobody is perfect, and mistakes can be made without blowing up the glass bridge of trust.

Listening to hear is based on talk type, as well. For example, Empathizers like the volume country-soft, while Instigators like it rock-hard. Different strokes for different folks!

THE CHANGING WORLD OF COMMUNICATION

Half of everyone you work with and love in this changing world of ours are Instigator-type (I-types) communicators. I-types put facts over feelings; head in charge of heart; and they focus on benefits more than setbacks. I-types believe in reigning in the wild horses of irrational emotions. Emotions, in the I-type world, cause untold conflict, loss and suffering. Give feedback in the style your listener prefers, for a change!

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.

DON’T ICE…BE NICE

What feedback barriers ice good communication? In the talk world of Empathizers, or E-types, what red lights turn off the delivery of useful feedback? Or, more specifically, what puts off or stops two-way communication lines from being open for these sensitive souls? What are the barriers or roadblocks that shut down the process of correcting a problem that can grow from a molehill into a mountain?

STOP: FEEDBACK BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION, EMPATHIZER-STYLE

Following are barriers to effective communication, often cited by real-life E-types in Talk2Me seminars I’ve conducted:

1. SHOW ME WHERE. If you say to an E-type, “Show me that what you’re saying is true,” then it is implied to an E-type that you think they are exaggerating or downright lying.

2. UNWILLING TO LISTEN. Staying with one viewpoint – no matter what – by being hardheaded and not listening to input, or by stonewalling and icing up, will definitely reinforce the wall between the I- and E-type communicators, slowing down or completely stalling talks.

3. SARCASM. Firing sarcastic comments, such as, “You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?”

4. ARGUES LOUDER. Talking louder…and arguing louder…and getting more confrontational…and raising the voice pitch…turns off Empathizers, pronto.

5. FINGER-POINTING. “Because the customer’s always right, that’s your problem!” points one finger at the E-type, while pointing four fingers back at you.

6. CHANGES THE FOCUS. It’s a turn-off to E-types when an I-type changes the subject focus of the conversation to something personal, deflecting reflective problem solving.

DO YOU RUN A YELLOW LIGHT?

Set your people up for success. Instead of rushing through a yellow or amber light, yield to your opposite communicator type for a change of scenery. I know…I know. Slowing down is hard to do when you feel time-compressed and goal-stressed. No matter, you can still tap on those brakes and take a deep breath, because you are a flexible and responsive communicator. You will get the best results if you talk in the language style of Empathizers when you are talking to E-types.

ABOUT TALK DOC, DENNIS E. O’GRADY

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is known as the Talk Doc since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, Talk to Me©. His talk textbook, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal. Dennis can be reached at (937) 428-0724.