Lord, Forgive Me When I Whine!

Lord, Forgive Me When I Whine!

When you awake in the morning, does your mind travel down “I Don’t Have… Avenue” or “I Have Gratitude Road?” Focusing on what you don’t have depresses your mood and motivation. Focusing genuinely on what you do have ignites a positive mood, which inspires you to live your own life and calls forth opportunities.

CHOOSE YOUR MOOD?

Who’s in charge of your mood, them or you? Which way today will you choose to allow your Mood Winds to blow?

Here’s a mood-changing poem from A Better Way to Live, by Og Madino, which has the power to change your mood from misery and blame to happiness and acclaim.

Today, upon a bus, I saw a lovely girl with golden hair, I envied her…she seemed so gay…and wished I were as fair. When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle; She had one leg and wore a crutch; But as she passed…a smile! Oh, God forgive me when I whine, I have two legs. The world is mine!

I stopped to buy some candy. The lad who sold it had such charm. I talked with him He seemed so glad. If I were late ‘twould do no harm. And as I left he said to me, “I thank you. You have been so kind. It’s nice to talk with folks like you. You see,” he said, “I’m blind.” Oh, God, forgive me when I whine, I have two eyes. The world is mine.

Later, while walking down the street, I saw a child with eyes of blue. He stood and watched the others play. He did not know what to do. I stopped a moment, then I said, “Why don’t you join the others, dear?” He looked ahead without a word, and then I knew he could not hear. Oh, God forgive me when I whine. I have two ears. The world is mine.

With feet to take me where I’d go, with eyes to see the sunset’s glow, With ears to hear what I would know…Oh, God forgive me when I whine. I’m blessed indeed. The world is mine.

Author Unknown

DRIVING DOWN GRATITUDE ROAD

Are you torturing or guilting yourself today because you’re not taking charge of changing your mood? Do you make your bad moods worse by driving your blue Empathizer car or burnt orange Instigator car down “I Don’t Have…Avenue?” thereby kicking yourself when you’re down?

ABOUT “IT’S NOT ME, IT’S THEM…” MOOD MANAGEMENT PROGRAM LEADER

As developer of the TALK2ME© Communication System, Dr. O’Grady has an in-depth understanding of the complexities of communication of mood and a proven system to unravel the mystery. He is Past President of the Dayton Psychological Association, and founder of New Insights Communication. You can reach Dr. Dennis O’Grady directly at (937) 428-0724.

Benefits Of A Good Mood

BENEFITS OF A GOOD MOOD

Do you worry about everything? Is your inner talk negative? Do you get mad at those closest to you for seemingly no reason? Can’t communicate positively? Do you need tools to boost your mood?

What are the benefits of carrying a good mood to motivate and infuse yourself with the courage to change today?

HOW DOES A POSITIVE MOOD AFFECT YOUR LIFE?

Pleasures abound for you and the company you keep when you simultaneously work on a good mood and a good attitude…

•   Profits go up

•   Bridges of trust and respect are built and reinforced

•   Communication enables dreams to take flight

•   Morale takes a boost and teamwork soars

•   Your company winds up leading the pack

•   Attitudes create positive action in spite of fear of the unknown

•   Enthusiasm is found in common tasks

•   Professional image is polished with the gold of good deeds done

•   Others’ moods are lifted in optimistic confidence

•   Safety is secured

•   Productivity peaks

•   Customer satisfaction scores rate you as an “A” player

•   Reputation is appreciated

•   Personal values are solid and can’t be bought out for a quick fix

•   Decision-making is seamless

•   You are driving under the influence of a positive attitude

•   You are “On your toes,” and “Your game is right on”

•   Relationships deepen

•   All team members focus like a hawk on the target goal

•   Quality is priceless

•   Opportunity seeks you out

•   Others are connected heart-mind to your mission

GOT MOOD TALK TOOLS?

Too moody too much of the time? Can’t communicate the way you’d like? Then it’s time to drive down new mood avenues using the TALK2ME© system.

ABOUT TALK2ME

Another book on communication styles is “Talk to Me” by Dr. Dennis O’Grady, a communications psychologist in Dayton, Ohio. He takes the approach that communication styles basically fall into two camps:

1. Instigators (people who think communication is primarily about solving problems and making decisions, making your point of view clear, being decisive and not dwelling on anything…and then moving on), and

2. Empathizers (people who think communication is good for exploring and expressing feelings, understanding everyone’s point of view, connecting, clearing the air…and THEN deciding the best course).

Men and women fall equally into both groups. His theory is that the best communication — at work, at church, in communities, in relationships, with children – occurs when Empathizers understand how Instigators’ communication styles work/manifest themselves, and when Instigators understand how Empathizers’ communication styles play out and manifest themselves.

The book has self-tests and examples of how to learn both communicator styles….

Sue MacDonald
Zakta.com | http://www.zakta.com
The Personal/Social Search Engine
smacdonald@zaktallc.com
Cincinnati, OH 45224
+1-513-324-6277

Managing Emotion

MANAGING EMOTION

Why blow up and pile on when an action indicates loss of self-control? Do you fall into the equation of bad mood = bad actions = bad relationships? You bet. We all do. Spare the rod and spoil the child? No. Think about it – can you teach kids not to hit somebody by hitting them? Better alternative: It’s just a matter of managing emotions better, as this father did in the case example below.

WHAT TEES YOU OFF?

A 10-year-old Empathizer son asked to ride with his dad on the lawnmower. The Instigator dad who demands respect said, “No,” because there was homework to do. The son threw a fit and was put into his room for timeout by his mom. The son was so upset he twisted and broke his eyeglasses in half and threw them out of his room as he was spewing and crying.

How would you respond? Would you react and go off on a tirade? That depends, I suspect, on whether or not you are managing your emotions sensibly.

THE CALMING TECHNIQUE

What would an Instigator dad, consciously using Empathizer strengths, do? How do you avoid having an anger outburst that’s going to be perceived as bullying?

Use The Calming Technique. Say to yourself: “Listen. Just drop it. Drop that angry response that’s just dying to come spewing forth from my guts. How do I find the soft spot? I’m going to let this go internally. I’m going to let the anger go. I’m going to set aside my frustration, right here, right now. Getting mad and yelling won’t help anything. He has enough trouble as it is. He’s got to work through it. His mom is already talking with him. I need to let it be. She won’t appreciate my stepping into a discipline process that she has already initiated.

Focus On What Results You Will Get. Say to yourself: “What result can I expect? A calmer mind and a calmer outward appearance and demeanor would be most evident. A calmer presence will let those around you appreciate your attitude and self-control. Far less relationship escalation or drama will be appreciated by everyone involved. Mom said, “Thank you for letting me handle the situation and for backing me up. I’m glad you didn’t blow up and cause another problem.”

RECOGNIZE THE FEELING OF REJECTION

It’s personal when you feel slighted or disrespected by someone with whom you have a personal connection or tie. You feel similarly when someone you care about is slighted. How to slow down the steps in an anger outburst…

  • Catch the feeling of rejection (inappropriate behavior that somebody’s done something wrong and needs to be punished) before it takes over
  • Let go of, “How could you have done that or said that?” as resentments arise
  • Catch the feeling of retribution or payback before it engulfs you
  • Consciously set aside your rights to retribution
  • Make the conscious choice to move into the Empathizer role
  • Accept that there doesn’t need to be retribution or a lesson learned

After all, what lesson can be learned from paybacks and retribution? That adults can act crazy…or that adults can’t or won’t control their anger outbursts…and they blame others for their moods. What outcome do you desire? That together we find a way to get through tough situations and become stronger and more connected as a result of those tough situations?

MANAGE YOUR MOOD BETTER?

Dr. Dennis O’Grady, Dayton clinical psychologist,  shares how to improve your mood and relationships, using unbeatable TALK2ME tools.

Active Listening

ACTIVE LISTENING

How do you listen to hear? One-way communication results from multi-tasking. Communication accidents that land you in a relationship ditch involve listening passively but not hearing, while multi-taking. Example: Half-listening to the speaker, while trying to problem solve another issue in your head, at the same time.

HEY, CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING? TELL YOURSELF: “IT’S O.K. TO SET ASIDE OTHER THINGS”

How do you cue yourself into being an empathetic listener? After all, you don’t want to give your talk partner the short end of the stick! Instigator communicators can make a speaker feel like a first-class teammate through these active listening steps:

1. Concentrate on removing distractions

2. Dedicate your concentration to your talk partner

3. Don’t have multiple conversations at once

4. Don’t try to figure out something else at the same time you’re listening

5. Ask questions to help you comprehend

6. You can only do one thing well at a time, so LISTEN

YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING WELL—SO LISTEN ACTIVELY

Listen: Don’t make an argument out of it! What’s in it for you to listen like an Empathizer? To learn more about the speaker and make the speaker feel like he or she matters. Works like a charm with Empathizer-type communicators who will continue to grow closer to you and work harder with you for mutual benefit.

“Talk Doc” Dennis O’Grady provides relationship help, family business consulting, and TALK2ME© positive and effective communication training for teams.

Never Let Them See You Sweat

NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT

Empathizers are criticized for getting their feelings hurt too easily and for staying hurt for too long. Are you able to stop caring and become indifferent when you’re dwelling too much on how someone did you wrong, making you feel unwell? Listen up. There’s a season and reason to be insensitive!

DON’T GIVE AWAY YOUR POWER

Empathizers can learn to present a front of self-control and confidence which Instigators value.  If you’re a sensitive E-type, how do you let water roll off your back like a duck?

To help out their E-type counterparts, I-types would advise Insensitivity Training via self-talk tools of this type…

  • Just don’t react
  • Don’t throw a fit
  • Don’t do what they think you’re going to do
  • Never let them see you sweat
  • Don’t dwell…be well
  • Don’t give away your power
  • Don’t react in the same manner that you’re being treated
  • Ignore the person
  • Stop thinking about it
  • Control what you can…accept what you don’t have power to influence

DON’T DWELL…BE WELL

These “be strong” messages take the focus off thinking…thinking…thinking about the other person, and puts the focus back on helping yourself get mentally fit.

THERE’S NO BETTER BEING TO BE, THAN BEING YOURSELF

Human beings are feeling machines. Empathizers ding themselves for being so emotionally alive. What’s all the fuss? When, my dear Empathizer, you’re dwelling on how someone has hurt your feelings – change the channel – dwell on being well.

“Talk Doc” Dennis O’Grady provides relationship help, family business consulting, and TALK2ME© positive and effective communication training for teams.