Talkin’ IT Out: “The Giving Tree”

by with No Comment MANAGE MOOD

A dear reader sends a sad goodbye to an old friend below. She says, “I’ll miss that old tree. And I just wanted to take this opportunity, maybe in the spirit of the Ent World, to say “Thanks. Thanks, climbing tree…for all the hours of fun.”

I feel I need to give a little tribute here to a family friend who’s going away next week, because sometimes people and things leave our lives suddenly, and we never get to say goodbye.

One of the reasons that Teakwood Avenue became “home” in 1983 is because it’s a nice, friendly old house surrounded by lots of nice, friendly trees. Mostly big old oaks, similar to the ones at my mom and dad’s farm. Big, hulky old trees that have been there probably 100 or so years…they give great shade and a sense of belongingness to this square plot of land on Teakwood Avenue. I’ve even learned when to shut the windows in the spring to keep all the oak pollen outside so that my son, Tim, (and later Squeak, the cat) didn’t erupt with nasty effusive allergy attacks.

But in the front of the house, one near the front door and two on the extra side lot, were big old pine trees, too. The blue spruce died long ago and is now a productive flower bed, and it was sad to see that go because Sara used to love spreading a blanket underneath it and playing there, hidden by its green boughs from the outside world. Somewhere, I have a photo of her at about age 3 poking her head out, just checking…..I love that photo.

The Only Thing We Can Change Is Ourselves

by with No Comment PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

The surest route to happiness is to grow and change! Easing stress is your job because you alone live full-time in your skin. Are you worth it? You know best. Moreover, one thing as certain as death and taxes is, “The Only Thing We Can Change Is Ourselves!”

Participants in my workshops keep a select journal of private points that can make a BIG difference in their life when USED. This is an example of a “gold nuggets and gold advice” idea sheet that helped one participant turn the tide on change.

“GOLD CHANGE ADVICE” PERSONAL QUOTE NOTES

1. “We can only change ourselves!”

2. “I can only change myself!”

3. “Complaining isn’t changing!”

4. “If I am too slow to change I will lose the change race!”

5. “Making “Yes BUT…” excuses is a lame blame game.

6. “I need to apply my ‘gold advice’ to my own life.

7. “If I think I’m not ever stressed or angry…than I’m not paying attention and feeling more zapped than I know.”

Dr. Dennis O’Grady offers CHANGE MANAGEMENT WORKSHOPS to governmental and privately-held entrepreneurial companies, and is the developer of a revolutionary new tested communication theory showcased in “TALK TO ME: Communication moves to get along with anyone.” Dennis is also the author of “Taking the Fear out of Changing” at www.drogrady.com

Defuse Your Anger

by with No Comment MANAGE MOOD

“Clinical psychologist suggests supplanting your rage with a healthy dose of personal change. Dennis O’Grady contends anger is deeply and emotionally entrenched in our culture, but it doesn’t have to be that way.” Written by Kevin Lamb, Health Reporter, Dayton Daily News.

At first, the notion that anger can be constructive sounds like a brass band off key.

Yeah, right. Just like cheesecake can be healthy.

People tend to think of anger in only one way, says Dennis O’Grady, a clinical psychologist in Dayton. As a classic example, he talks about the “anger orgies” on television talk shows. “We kind of hang that unhealthy anger up on a flag pole and salute it,” he says.

“We recognize that explosion of tempers as normal, reasonable behavior,” Dr O’Grady says, “and no one is challenging that.”

So he challenged it. He created a six hour, audio-tape guide to making anger constructive instead of “the thief that is robbing you of happiness.” He called it No Hard Feelings: Managing Anger and Conflict in Your Work, Family and Love Life.

Anger itself is only an emotion, O’Grady says, not a reaction. There are different ways to express it. There are the standard shouting and bulling and pouting and other variations on the theme of a howling infant with a heavy diaper. Or a person can direct that energy toward solving the problem that caused the anger, toward meeting an unmet need.

Psychologist’s Life: Being A Change Agent

by with No Comment EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

“Change happens” could be the mantra of Dennis O’Grady, a consulting communications psychologist in Dayton and author of the popular book Taking the Fear Out of Changing and Talk to Me: Communication moves to get along with anyone.

“What psychologists do well is help people cope with change,” O’Grady explained, “and encouraging people to stay up during discouraging times is what my business is all about. I help leaders, individuals, companies, families, couples and team members deal better with change.” (From “Analyze This” by Richard Doty in The Magazine of Wright State University, Fall 2004.)

Give Change a Chance

Members of my change management seminar audiences often ask how to know the difference between when you should change…and when you should continue doing things the way you’ve been doing them. One answer is to create a circle of advisers for yourself-people whom you trust and with whom you can double-check your thinking.

I am also a firm believer in brief communications coaching. You’re not crazy if you hire a neutral (outside your work/family) consulting “change agent(s)” to be part of your inner circle of advisers. In fact, you would be sane and smart. People need advice from experts in change and changing behavior.

Ask three people who aren’t afraid to give you blunt, accurate, timely feedback. Surround yourself by people who are interested in your changes, not in keeping things the way they’ve always been.

Another step you can take is to begin to value all of your relationships more. Friendship and romance are powerful ways to promote positive change. And lastly, you can take advantage of the self-help groups/web logs that are available for free on the internet.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications coach and consulting psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of Taking the Fear Out of Changing and the new and tested communication tools handbook TALK TO ME. Dennis is also the developer of the “Leadership Talks” corporate team communication training program.

Overcoming Shyness: Can You Make A Pig Talk?

by with No Comment LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT

One of my clients who has good communication skills, and an extroverted and highly charismatic personality, told me recently: “I even can make a pig talk!” I’ve seen this professional saleswoman in action, and make no mistake about it, she talks to animals and humans alike, and they all talk back super-enthusiastically to her. Talk about being APPROACH-ABLE. Whew-ee.

Do you let your charisma flow and your confidence show? You were born to win, too, but are you able to make people stop in their tracks and take notice of you? To be seen and heard, you must send the disarming message, “I’m approachable!” Put differently, send out the message you would like to receive from others, without any expectation of receiving anything back in return for the best fishing.

You were born to communicate, weren’t you? All you need is an approachable attitude, quiet confidence, good communication skills, a bit of organization and a dash of charisma. Now don’t tell me you play down your communication skills by self-labeling yourself as “shy?!” After all, “shy” people aren’t shy around people they like, trust and know to be honestly emotionally expressive. Anyway, here are effective ways to send the message to, “Talk to Me….Today:”

  • A BIG, open smile is a welcome mat to good talk
  • Sparkling eyes that dance and give energy away
  • A “giver” attitude, not a “taker” or “DOFORME” diatribe
  • Good eye contact…solid and serene
  • RELAX…breathe…we’re all scared out of our wits and pretending not to be
  • Don’t stare off into space, for crying out loud, by multi-tasking
  • Let your mind empty…do you know how to listen with “three ears”
  • Shake hands like you know no strangers…only people who are waiting to become your new friends
  • Ask good questions…LISTEN as if you are able to walk in their moccasins
  • Ask another good question to the answer you just received…be “multi-asking”
  • Make a warm-hearted joke or jest that pokes fun at yourself
  • Remember that good questions are more important than one-up, witty, repartee
  • If you are one-upping or debating…stop IT before you lose a new friend
  • Enjoy yourself…you’re not shy!

It’s not so hard to send out the positive vibes message that, “I like to talk to people…and that especially includes you. There’s no rush because I have all the time in the world to talk to you.” Let your charisma flow and your confidence show. Send the message to everyone you come into contact with that, “You’re very important to me. I will show you how important to me you are by listening intently and closely to you.”

There’s nothing to hide. You’re a winner. No one said you have to be perfect…just be the one-and-only “I’m good enough” you, that you were born to be. The world needs unique people who aren’t too afraid to be who they are. After all, you CAN seize the moment with the positive inner-skull talk, “I like who I am!”

One of my favorite books on overcoming shyness (Johnny Carson of The Tonight Show was ‘publicly shy’), is called “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. It is chocked full of good communication tips for teenagers and adults, alike. Why can’t you make a pig talk, too? Eddie Murphy could talk to all sorts of animals in the movie, “Dr. DooLittle.” You can talk to anyone, too, including people who are too shy for their own good.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady taught “Overcoming Shyness” (using Dr. Philip Zimbardo’s research and book) and “Career Education” classes at Miami University of Ohio, and “Assertiveness Training” (using Dr. Bob Alberti’s and Dr. Emmons book “Your Perfect Right“) at Muskegon Community College in Muskegon, Michigan. His new and tested interpersonal communication theory, distinguishes Empathizers and Instigators communicator types from extroverted and introverted personality types to make change happen faster. One benefit of his training is that you will be able to talk to anyone…including your pets at home.